Musings about therapists
As usual, feel free to scroll past, I won't take offense. :)
I've been seeing a therapist the last few months, and I wish I could say its been helping. But I'm considering not going to my next appointment, because everything seems a lot worse. My food issues have gotten worse... I've doubled my food stash, and I get anxious if I'm not in my room to watch it. Mom doesn't know about it, I know it's safe, I know it's not going to disappear, even if it does, I know I can buy more, I don't know why I do this. But that's getting worse.
Sam has been coming out ALOT more, and I'm not caring. It's a relief to not have to deal with life for a bit, to just sink into the misty places. My anxiety is up again, panic attacks for no reason, which is part of Sam's appearances, and nerve-wracking on me. I catch myself doing the 'cringing dog' thing more, where you cringe and wince and feel like you're bothering every single person for no apparent reason. My manager is getting frustrated with it, which isn't helping.
I just.... it's not working out well. I'm frustrated, I'm tired, I'm exhausted, moody, temperamental, stressed, anxious, and finding it easier to just let go than try to work through things. I was doing so well with the food issues, and now I'm back to hoarding. I haven't self-harmed since Sarcy, but I'm finding myself punching walls again and being reckless. I'm just lost, and I don't like it.
Sorry, I just had to vent for a bit, throw this out into the universe.
This entry originally posted at (http://silverblaze85.dreamwidth.org/89312.html), where there are
comments on it. :)
I've been seeing a therapist the last few months, and I wish I could say its been helping. But I'm considering not going to my next appointment, because everything seems a lot worse. My food issues have gotten worse... I've doubled my food stash, and I get anxious if I'm not in my room to watch it. Mom doesn't know about it, I know it's safe, I know it's not going to disappear, even if it does, I know I can buy more, I don't know why I do this. But that's getting worse.
Sam has been coming out ALOT more, and I'm not caring. It's a relief to not have to deal with life for a bit, to just sink into the misty places. My anxiety is up again, panic attacks for no reason, which is part of Sam's appearances, and nerve-wracking on me. I catch myself doing the 'cringing dog' thing more, where you cringe and wince and feel like you're bothering every single person for no apparent reason. My manager is getting frustrated with it, which isn't helping.
I just.... it's not working out well. I'm frustrated, I'm tired, I'm exhausted, moody, temperamental, stressed, anxious, and finding it easier to just let go than try to work through things. I was doing so well with the food issues, and now I'm back to hoarding. I haven't self-harmed since Sarcy, but I'm finding myself punching walls again and being reckless. I'm just lost, and I don't like it.
Sorry, I just had to vent for a bit, throw this out into the universe.
This entry originally posted at (http://silverblaze85.dreamwidth.org/89312.html), where there are
comments on it. :)