(no subject)
Sometimes i look bag at entry's and get mad at myself for not being cured.
This has gone on for so long.
I don't feel beautiful yet.
:(
I probably never will.
:( :(
Life is still life. The world is as it shouldn't be. Nothing is for the greater good. And i am falling into a dark hole of loneliness. I am frightened at how much i try to make my life okay. But I still feel lonely. I love hanging out with my friends. I love hanging out with my family. I don't really mind uni, despite the procrastination indicating otherwise. But i feel lonely because there's no man in my life right now. When there's no man in my life i can't see how there ever will be. Because i don't fathom the idea of change very well. Even if it's wanted change.
I've gained some weight. I'm trying to be okay with it..but i have a feeling that the moment i don't have so much uni work to get done, it'll be back to restricting hardcore, and the weight will be gone again.
Also, right now..my eating habits aren;t very good. Better than usual though. I restrict in the morning, sometimes i'll b/p at night, other times i'll eat and just accept it. sometimes more than normal, hence the weight gain. Technically i'm not overweight..but i'm so scared i will be again..because i have been before.............im terrified of it..and the closer i get to it the more i fear it.
life is funny. im sad that im lonely.
This has gone on for so long.
I don't feel beautiful yet.
:(
I probably never will.
:( :(
Life is still life. The world is as it shouldn't be. Nothing is for the greater good. And i am falling into a dark hole of loneliness. I am frightened at how much i try to make my life okay. But I still feel lonely. I love hanging out with my friends. I love hanging out with my family. I don't really mind uni, despite the procrastination indicating otherwise. But i feel lonely because there's no man in my life right now. When there's no man in my life i can't see how there ever will be. Because i don't fathom the idea of change very well. Even if it's wanted change.
I've gained some weight. I'm trying to be okay with it..but i have a feeling that the moment i don't have so much uni work to get done, it'll be back to restricting hardcore, and the weight will be gone again.
Also, right now..my eating habits aren;t very good. Better than usual though. I restrict in the morning, sometimes i'll b/p at night, other times i'll eat and just accept it. sometimes more than normal, hence the weight gain. Technically i'm not overweight..but i'm so scared i will be again..because i have been before.............im terrified of it..and the closer i get to it the more i fear it.
life is funny. im sad that im lonely.