(no subject)
In a way, I feel like the reason i use my willpower to starve myself rather than to eat rigth and exercise..is because a large part of me is still wanting someone to save me. From this world, from the future, from everything that's unknown and everything that's scary and unfamiliar. Who would save me if i am healthy??
I'm still the little girl wanting the fantasy. It makes sense ...i do live in my head a LOT. I daydream constantly, fantasise all the time. A lot of the time my day is consumed with far more fantasy than reality..with daydreaming..with zoning out while purging..while zoning into the world of my ED thoughts..etc etc etc.
I need to stop wanting to be saved by someone else. I need to snap out of it and save myself. BE my own hero. I just can;t help it, i want someone to swoop in on horseback and save my life and protect me from harm. Like this though, if he came..he'd be saving me from myself..rather than the world...and therin lies a very confusing stream of dilemmas.
I don't know what I'm saying. But i feel very motivated to recovery right now. I wonder if it'll last more than a day this time.
I'm still the little girl wanting the fantasy. It makes sense ...i do live in my head a LOT. I daydream constantly, fantasise all the time. A lot of the time my day is consumed with far more fantasy than reality..with daydreaming..with zoning out while purging..while zoning into the world of my ED thoughts..etc etc etc.
I need to stop wanting to be saved by someone else. I need to snap out of it and save myself. BE my own hero. I just can;t help it, i want someone to swoop in on horseback and save my life and protect me from harm. Like this though, if he came..he'd be saving me from myself..rather than the world...and therin lies a very confusing stream of dilemmas.
I don't know what I'm saying. But i feel very motivated to recovery right now. I wonder if it'll last more than a day this time.