Funny Things Parents Say
I keep wanting to write down the ridiculous things that we say that have become just the normal conversations around here, but every time I think it, I'm not in a position to really actually write it down. I repeat it in my head so I can "remember it" but the reality is that my life doesn't allow for much remembering of conversations I had 3 days ago, no matter how amusing they were.
Here's a sample of one from today. This is a completely normal conversation.
Me: I'm off to go shower. It should be relatively quick, since I just need to get my hair and scrub my smelliness off.
Brian: Okay.
Me: If I'm there for what seems like a long time, come and get me, I've probably fallen asleep.
Brian: *laughs* Okay.
Me: ...You know I meant that seriously, right?
Brian: *laughs again* Yup.
The truth is that I've never fallen asleep in the shower, but I feel like there have been a few near misses, if you know what I mean. I try to stay focused by just continuously doing something, but sometimes you have to just stand there and rinse off. Those are the moments I'm afraid I'll drift off. I dread closing my eyes for rinsing my hair, so I do my best to not have them closed for any amount of time. Especially on a weekend when I'm not also watching a baby as I shower.
Other conversations are things like when she has an unusual poop, which is the stereotypical "parent" conversation.
Or things that sound really deep when you're saying them, but on further reflection you realize it's just the sleep deprivation that makes even simple thoughts seem mind blowing. Examples:
Brian: Sometimes she seems so small. And other times, like, so big.
Me: She always seems so small when she's sleeping. I feel really big next to her, and then I realize that 24 years ago, I was this small. Actually, maybe smaller because she's kind of gargantuan for her age. And still so small for all of that.
So, what should you get out of this example? That are baby is small, like babies are. And sometimes they seem bigger, but they are actually still small. Yup. I know this probably boggled your mind.
But, this is what parenting does to you. Everything revolves around your baby, from when you brush your teeth to when you pee. From the conversation you have about matching hats (Me: "I'll bring the blue mermaid outfit for her back up outfit, just in case she throws up in the car again. But, it'll mean it won't match her hat, since we're bringing the floral one to match her current romper." Brian: "No! Bring both hats!" Me: "Doesn't that seem excessive?" Brian: *completely serious* "No.") to conversations about the best way to go shopping at the end of a long day (Brian: "Wait, why are we going to this Home Depot? Why not go to the one closer to us?" Me: "Because she might fall asleep on the way there, and then we'd have to wake her up and walk her around Home Depot and that will make her so cranky. If we do the Home Depot walking FIRST, and THEN drive home from here, she can fall asleep in the car and have a little rest and when we wake her up it'll be at home and she can go lie down immediately."). Everything revolves around this little person.
Except, of course, you can't give her EVERYTHING she wants. That's how you create a problem. Like, we've been letting Freya "pick out" her outfits. I show her the closet, and see if there's anything that catches her interest. Then I'll pick that outfit out, and another option, and ask her which of the two she wants to wear. If Brian is home, then he picks one, and I pick one, and we let her "pick" which one she wants. The idea is that she can dress herself however she wants...within reason. Two options is a good way to let her feel like she's in control, while also limiting the crazy options (long sleeved onesie on a day that will be 80 degrees that we will be walking around outside in or really open and loose bee shirt on a rainy, colder day).
So much of what we do all goes around this little baby that sometimes I forget what life used to be like. I get nostalgic for being able to make sudden decisions. You can't, not with a kid. So, there it is.
Here's a sample of one from today. This is a completely normal conversation.
Me: I'm off to go shower. It should be relatively quick, since I just need to get my hair and scrub my smelliness off.
Brian: Okay.
Me: If I'm there for what seems like a long time, come and get me, I've probably fallen asleep.
Brian: *laughs* Okay.
Me: ...You know I meant that seriously, right?
Brian: *laughs again* Yup.
The truth is that I've never fallen asleep in the shower, but I feel like there have been a few near misses, if you know what I mean. I try to stay focused by just continuously doing something, but sometimes you have to just stand there and rinse off. Those are the moments I'm afraid I'll drift off. I dread closing my eyes for rinsing my hair, so I do my best to not have them closed for any amount of time. Especially on a weekend when I'm not also watching a baby as I shower.
Other conversations are things like when she has an unusual poop, which is the stereotypical "parent" conversation.
Or things that sound really deep when you're saying them, but on further reflection you realize it's just the sleep deprivation that makes even simple thoughts seem mind blowing. Examples:
Brian: Sometimes she seems so small. And other times, like, so big.
Me: She always seems so small when she's sleeping. I feel really big next to her, and then I realize that 24 years ago, I was this small. Actually, maybe smaller because she's kind of gargantuan for her age. And still so small for all of that.
So, what should you get out of this example? That are baby is small, like babies are. And sometimes they seem bigger, but they are actually still small. Yup. I know this probably boggled your mind.
But, this is what parenting does to you. Everything revolves around your baby, from when you brush your teeth to when you pee. From the conversation you have about matching hats (Me: "I'll bring the blue mermaid outfit for her back up outfit, just in case she throws up in the car again. But, it'll mean it won't match her hat, since we're bringing the floral one to match her current romper." Brian: "No! Bring both hats!" Me: "Doesn't that seem excessive?" Brian: *completely serious* "No.") to conversations about the best way to go shopping at the end of a long day (Brian: "Wait, why are we going to this Home Depot? Why not go to the one closer to us?" Me: "Because she might fall asleep on the way there, and then we'd have to wake her up and walk her around Home Depot and that will make her so cranky. If we do the Home Depot walking FIRST, and THEN drive home from here, she can fall asleep in the car and have a little rest and when we wake her up it'll be at home and she can go lie down immediately."). Everything revolves around this little person.
Except, of course, you can't give her EVERYTHING she wants. That's how you create a problem. Like, we've been letting Freya "pick out" her outfits. I show her the closet, and see if there's anything that catches her interest. Then I'll pick that outfit out, and another option, and ask her which of the two she wants to wear. If Brian is home, then he picks one, and I pick one, and we let her "pick" which one she wants. The idea is that she can dress herself however she wants...within reason. Two options is a good way to let her feel like she's in control, while also limiting the crazy options (long sleeved onesie on a day that will be 80 degrees that we will be walking around outside in or really open and loose bee shirt on a rainy, colder day).
So much of what we do all goes around this little baby that sometimes I forget what life used to be like. I get nostalgic for being able to make sudden decisions. You can't, not with a kid. So, there it is.