It appears we're stuck in a subplot, Jon!
I think I'm going through a phase. It's a difficult phase, it involves liberal amounts of not cleaning my room, angsting over my two days at university and freaking out over my finances. One of the three is worth any time at all, the others just make me a bit of a douche. Still, I've been getting next to nothing done for weeks now. It's driving me a bit batshit.
I really need to get into gear, but I simply can't. It's like I've lost the bit of paper with my filing system explanation. Know that scene in black books where Bernard's going to his accountant with his pockets full of tax receipts in no particular order?
That's currently my brain. There are things that desperately need to go in but there's both no room and no effort to change that fact.
There's desire, but every time I try and do something, I get nowhere.
I simply don't have the time to keep treading water like this.
I really need to get Graphite Rain back on track, but I don't know where to go with it anymore. :( So much of it could be so simple, but I simply don't know and if I don't know then how am i gonna get this done so I can get my Big Bang going properly? I mean, I have some of that done. Like 2K, and 80% of that is porn, but it's something. Graphite Rain made me happy and now it's just dragging the entire train down. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm gonna post a little bit of it here. If anyone wants to read it and tell me what they think then BY ALL MEANS. GIVE ME GRATIFICATION! Please? Pretty please?
Summary: Merlin’s an artist whose life seems to continuously collapse around him. Morgana spends too much time in other people’s business and much to Arthur’s dismay - other people’s pants. Arthur’s in love with Gwen, which kinda sucks cause she has a thing for Lance. Which is sort of okay, because someone needs to look after Merlin. Cue six years of misunderstandings, friendship, love, drama, tragedy, hilarity and a realisation that maybe the girl of his dreams isn’t his Happily Ever After, after all. The problem is, by then it might be too late.
Excerpt:
After that the dynamics of the group sort of shift and change again, returning once again to a table of six, Merlin brings Freya along, who is quiet and unassuming quite a lot of the time, but when the pair of them get going there’s nothing that stops them. For a while Arthur’s not quite sure on what exactly Morgana thinks of Freya, she wears this expression that only serves to make him think of a lioness watching her prey, deciding exactly on how she’s going to devour it. It’s almost anti-climactic that nothing happens. Arthur doesn’t exactly know what makes it all stop, Merlin gets a bit stroppy once or twice in the fortnight after Freya’s show, but it never coincides with their Friday pub nights and Merlin gets stroppy over the easiest and simplest of things so it’s not something he pays much mind to.
Leon finds the ability to talk at length with the girl about growing up outside of Camelot, where apparently they both visited a single town on the outskirts of Caerleon, Leon during the summer and Freya in the Spring. Gwen just watches the entire group with a soft pleased expression on her face, like she’s just happy drinking them all in, happy and content, coasting along in their own lives and happy in each others. It’s nice, really, how settled it all gets, how easy.
Which is why Arthur sort of spends several weeks expecting something to drop on his head every time the phone rings. It doesn’t, in fact, it waits for him to go home before anything happens, and when it does it’s not exactly a bad thing, it’s certainly not the end of the world.
But it’s not particularly something Arthur’s entirely excited about.
“Don’t freak out,” Merlin says in lieu of greeting one afternoon and it makes Arthur laugh despite going immediately tense, because this is the sort of thing he’s been expecting and of course it would have to come from Merlin.
“About what?” He asks, idly watching his flat mate, the accounts momentarily forgotten.
“I have something to tell you,” Merlin says, setting aside his half-eaten bag of quavers and climbing up to sit on the kitchen bench. Arthur clicks his tongue in annoyance but doesn’t say anything. By the expression on his face Merlin is as oblivious to how much he hates when the idiot does that as ever.
“Oh?”
“Yeah. Don’t freak out.”
“You’ve said that already.”
“I know. Sorry. It’s just, you might.”
“Might what?”
“Freak out.”
Arthur huffs.
“Merlin, you’ll do yourself damage if you keep dancing around the topic like you are. Get to the point.”
Merlin rolls his eyes but he shifts, uncomfortably.
“Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Consider me warned. Now, out with it.”
Merlin frowns again and Arthur’s about to get really annoyed when the idiot finally speaks up.
“Lance is coming back.”
Oh.
Right.
“He’s coming back for my art showing, he’s gonna be here the week before.”
“Oh, right.” That’s still seven weeks away. He can deal with that. Plenty of warning. “Why on earth did you think I was going to freak out for?”
“Um, Gwen?” Merlin asks, like it’s obvious, pulling a face. “You sort of flinch every time that she mentions him, you know.”
“I do not.”
“You sort of do. I don’t think Gwen’s noticed, she’s too busy still smiling at you like you’ve got the sun shining out your arse or something. But you do.”
“Shut up, Merlin,” he scowls, aware he’s sort of blushing. Too busy smiling at you like you’ve got the sun shining out your arse or something…. Lance is coming back…too busy smiling at you… at you… at you.
“You’ve got nothing to worry about, you know.”
“Why would I need to be worried?”
“I don’t know. But you’re the one worrying. She’s with you, Arthur. She’s in love with you, which I sort of thought is something you’re relatively pleased about.”
“I am!”
“Then you don’t need to worry!”
“I’m not worrying!”
“You sort of are.”
He sort of is. Well, he will be, when Merlin finally decides to shut up.
“I am not. Shut up, Merlin.”
Merlin just grins then and goes back to finishing off his packet of quavers. Arthur spends the time trying to ignore his flat mate, feeling a combination of both anxiety and annoyance. Even when he’s finished the crisps Merlin doesn’t get down off the bench, he leans over and flicks the switch on the kettle and then Arthur has to listen to the rumble of the water jumping and heating instead of being able to focus on the pile of account updates that he’s been studying. He frowns and fixes his glare on Merlin, centring his annoyance into the look and waiting for the outcome.
Merlin glances at him, without saying a thing. He does it again a moment later and Arthur knows that it’s working, that Merlin knows he’s pissed him off and there’s going to be one of two outcomes, he’s going to say nothing and just leave after he’s made his tea, or he’s going to push this, whatever he’s got in his head as reason enough for Arthur’s annoyance. Which in the entirety of their sharing the flat, has never once been the fact he’s sitting on the kitchen bench swinging his feet against the cabinets.
***
So yeah, that's totally out of context, but I've been staring at it so much over the last few weeks getting absolutely nowhere I think it's all blurred together. It's one LONG story and so much happens. I really hope it could be a good story to read, but like I said, I think I've lost the big picture. Oh well, it's not particularly original anyway. It's just an epic Modern AU. Still, one can hope it's worth the effort?
SIGH.
I'm gonna put myself back in my box again.
xxxx
I really need to get into gear, but I simply can't. It's like I've lost the bit of paper with my filing system explanation. Know that scene in black books where Bernard's going to his accountant with his pockets full of tax receipts in no particular order?
That's currently my brain. There are things that desperately need to go in but there's both no room and no effort to change that fact.
There's desire, but every time I try and do something, I get nowhere.
I simply don't have the time to keep treading water like this.
I really need to get Graphite Rain back on track, but I don't know where to go with it anymore. :( So much of it could be so simple, but I simply don't know and if I don't know then how am i gonna get this done so I can get my Big Bang going properly? I mean, I have some of that done. Like 2K, and 80% of that is porn, but it's something. Graphite Rain made me happy and now it's just dragging the entire train down. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm gonna post a little bit of it here. If anyone wants to read it and tell me what they think then BY ALL MEANS. GIVE ME GRATIFICATION! Please? Pretty please?
Summary: Merlin’s an artist whose life seems to continuously collapse around him. Morgana spends too much time in other people’s business and much to Arthur’s dismay - other people’s pants. Arthur’s in love with Gwen, which kinda sucks cause she has a thing for Lance. Which is sort of okay, because someone needs to look after Merlin. Cue six years of misunderstandings, friendship, love, drama, tragedy, hilarity and a realisation that maybe the girl of his dreams isn’t his Happily Ever After, after all. The problem is, by then it might be too late.
Excerpt:
After that the dynamics of the group sort of shift and change again, returning once again to a table of six, Merlin brings Freya along, who is quiet and unassuming quite a lot of the time, but when the pair of them get going there’s nothing that stops them. For a while Arthur’s not quite sure on what exactly Morgana thinks of Freya, she wears this expression that only serves to make him think of a lioness watching her prey, deciding exactly on how she’s going to devour it. It’s almost anti-climactic that nothing happens. Arthur doesn’t exactly know what makes it all stop, Merlin gets a bit stroppy once or twice in the fortnight after Freya’s show, but it never coincides with their Friday pub nights and Merlin gets stroppy over the easiest and simplest of things so it’s not something he pays much mind to.
Leon finds the ability to talk at length with the girl about growing up outside of Camelot, where apparently they both visited a single town on the outskirts of Caerleon, Leon during the summer and Freya in the Spring. Gwen just watches the entire group with a soft pleased expression on her face, like she’s just happy drinking them all in, happy and content, coasting along in their own lives and happy in each others. It’s nice, really, how settled it all gets, how easy.
Which is why Arthur sort of spends several weeks expecting something to drop on his head every time the phone rings. It doesn’t, in fact, it waits for him to go home before anything happens, and when it does it’s not exactly a bad thing, it’s certainly not the end of the world.
But it’s not particularly something Arthur’s entirely excited about.
“Don’t freak out,” Merlin says in lieu of greeting one afternoon and it makes Arthur laugh despite going immediately tense, because this is the sort of thing he’s been expecting and of course it would have to come from Merlin.
“About what?” He asks, idly watching his flat mate, the accounts momentarily forgotten.
“I have something to tell you,” Merlin says, setting aside his half-eaten bag of quavers and climbing up to sit on the kitchen bench. Arthur clicks his tongue in annoyance but doesn’t say anything. By the expression on his face Merlin is as oblivious to how much he hates when the idiot does that as ever.
“Oh?”
“Yeah. Don’t freak out.”
“You’ve said that already.”
“I know. Sorry. It’s just, you might.”
“Might what?”
“Freak out.”
Arthur huffs.
“Merlin, you’ll do yourself damage if you keep dancing around the topic like you are. Get to the point.”
Merlin rolls his eyes but he shifts, uncomfortably.
“Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Consider me warned. Now, out with it.”
Merlin frowns again and Arthur’s about to get really annoyed when the idiot finally speaks up.
“Lance is coming back.”
Oh.
Right.
“He’s coming back for my art showing, he’s gonna be here the week before.”
“Oh, right.” That’s still seven weeks away. He can deal with that. Plenty of warning. “Why on earth did you think I was going to freak out for?”
“Um, Gwen?” Merlin asks, like it’s obvious, pulling a face. “You sort of flinch every time that she mentions him, you know.”
“I do not.”
“You sort of do. I don’t think Gwen’s noticed, she’s too busy still smiling at you like you’ve got the sun shining out your arse or something. But you do.”
“Shut up, Merlin,” he scowls, aware he’s sort of blushing. Too busy smiling at you like you’ve got the sun shining out your arse or something…. Lance is coming back…too busy smiling at you… at you… at you.
“You’ve got nothing to worry about, you know.”
“Why would I need to be worried?”
“I don’t know. But you’re the one worrying. She’s with you, Arthur. She’s in love with you, which I sort of thought is something you’re relatively pleased about.”
“I am!”
“Then you don’t need to worry!”
“I’m not worrying!”
“You sort of are.”
He sort of is. Well, he will be, when Merlin finally decides to shut up.
“I am not. Shut up, Merlin.”
Merlin just grins then and goes back to finishing off his packet of quavers. Arthur spends the time trying to ignore his flat mate, feeling a combination of both anxiety and annoyance. Even when he’s finished the crisps Merlin doesn’t get down off the bench, he leans over and flicks the switch on the kettle and then Arthur has to listen to the rumble of the water jumping and heating instead of being able to focus on the pile of account updates that he’s been studying. He frowns and fixes his glare on Merlin, centring his annoyance into the look and waiting for the outcome.
Merlin glances at him, without saying a thing. He does it again a moment later and Arthur knows that it’s working, that Merlin knows he’s pissed him off and there’s going to be one of two outcomes, he’s going to say nothing and just leave after he’s made his tea, or he’s going to push this, whatever he’s got in his head as reason enough for Arthur’s annoyance. Which in the entirety of their sharing the flat, has never once been the fact he’s sitting on the kitchen bench swinging his feet against the cabinets.
***
So yeah, that's totally out of context, but I've been staring at it so much over the last few weeks getting absolutely nowhere I think it's all blurred together. It's one LONG story and so much happens. I really hope it could be a good story to read, but like I said, I think I've lost the big picture. Oh well, it's not particularly original anyway. It's just an epic Modern AU. Still, one can hope it's worth the effort?
SIGH.
I'm gonna put myself back in my box again.
xxxx