(no subject)
A lot has been going on since I arrived in North Carolina; the extra time to think and process things has definitely stirred up some, stuff.
Physically -- I am gaining fat, eating all this southern food and not exercising! It is incredibly difficult for me to motivate myself to do yoga or other exercise on my own, although in the past I have done it. So I guess there will be a tipping point (on the scale) that will make me re-engage my individual practice. Compound this with the fact that I haven’t been able to fall asleep until about 4 or 5 in the morning, making my days almost completely unproductive. This might have to do with what I’ve been eating (a lot of sugar) and again, the lack of exercise.
Emotionally -- I've been all over the place. When I first arrived there was this great feeling of optimism and opportunity in that I would have the time think, analyze and pursue tasks that, for a long time, have been on the waiting lists. I was also very excited about helping Alex do a lot of chores related to the upkeep and repair of the house here in New Bern, namely cleaning and organizing the space. But both of these things quickly dispersed when Alex would have a complaint for everything that I did, nothing was to his expectation and so I backed off and decided not take initiative with anything in the home; to only participate when asked to. Having then focused on myself and on the task of figuring out what I am really doing here as well as what I want to be doing I quickly dipped into depression and anxiety about not really knowing-STILL. I’ve also been missing my family and have been feeling the need to be near them, probably stemming for my need for security right now.
Mentally-- I've come to quickly realize that in an isolated environment my mind quickly devolves. It's as though I come to the conclusion that outside of a social context and a prescribed life purpose I find everything to be banal and meaningless. It's certainly not healthy and I will be taking measures to address this before it progresses into a serious depression. One step to this solution is to assign myself a strict schedule. In which there is a specific time to wake up and go to sleep as well as eat and do daily tasks, if I can't discipline myself I’m hoping that my iPhone and Google calendar will do it for me =)
One thing is for sure-I need to get back into school. Not because therein lies the answer to figuring myself out but because I need to re-engage my thinking self. All this time out of school and unsure of what I want to do has lead to a steady deterioration of my cognitive abilities. Plus, now that I’ll be 25, FAFSA should be helping me out a bit more since I’ll be able to claim financial independence from my parents on my forms. NC isn’t the place for it though, so I need to strategize about how I’m going to get back either to Long Island or Miami for this upcoming spring semester.
Physically -- I am gaining fat, eating all this southern food and not exercising! It is incredibly difficult for me to motivate myself to do yoga or other exercise on my own, although in the past I have done it. So I guess there will be a tipping point (on the scale) that will make me re-engage my individual practice. Compound this with the fact that I haven’t been able to fall asleep until about 4 or 5 in the morning, making my days almost completely unproductive. This might have to do with what I’ve been eating (a lot of sugar) and again, the lack of exercise.
Emotionally -- I've been all over the place. When I first arrived there was this great feeling of optimism and opportunity in that I would have the time think, analyze and pursue tasks that, for a long time, have been on the waiting lists. I was also very excited about helping Alex do a lot of chores related to the upkeep and repair of the house here in New Bern, namely cleaning and organizing the space. But both of these things quickly dispersed when Alex would have a complaint for everything that I did, nothing was to his expectation and so I backed off and decided not take initiative with anything in the home; to only participate when asked to. Having then focused on myself and on the task of figuring out what I am really doing here as well as what I want to be doing I quickly dipped into depression and anxiety about not really knowing-STILL. I’ve also been missing my family and have been feeling the need to be near them, probably stemming for my need for security right now.
Mentally-- I've come to quickly realize that in an isolated environment my mind quickly devolves. It's as though I come to the conclusion that outside of a social context and a prescribed life purpose I find everything to be banal and meaningless. It's certainly not healthy and I will be taking measures to address this before it progresses into a serious depression. One step to this solution is to assign myself a strict schedule. In which there is a specific time to wake up and go to sleep as well as eat and do daily tasks, if I can't discipline myself I’m hoping that my iPhone and Google calendar will do it for me =)
One thing is for sure-I need to get back into school. Not because therein lies the answer to figuring myself out but because I need to re-engage my thinking self. All this time out of school and unsure of what I want to do has lead to a steady deterioration of my cognitive abilities. Plus, now that I’ll be 25, FAFSA should be helping me out a bit more since I’ll be able to claim financial independence from my parents on my forms. NC isn’t the place for it though, so I need to strategize about how I’m going to get back either to Long Island or Miami for this upcoming spring semester.