At the crossroads, I turned right, and right again, and again, and again
I've been experimenting a bit with makeup, just a little bit of eyeshadow around the eyes. I don't know how it looks, or if I should continue, or what. I was putting the eyeshadow on, and I looked at myself in the mirror, and I thought, I should apply for that internship.
I thought I knew what I was doing. I don't know. Not really anymore. Apply for the House Historian internship? Graduate in the Spring and attend Nova for my endorsement courses? Give up and try to work for the government? Give up and try to work for Home Depot?
I wish someone could point at me and say, "You are worth it as a person. You are worth investing in." But I guess you're only worth investing in if you decide you're worth investing it. And if you're actually good at managing your time. Tomorrow I have to turn in an annotated bibliography. I have no idea what I'm doing or how to find what I'm looking for. I know we sat down at the library and learned but I completely forgot where to go. Now what? Now what?
Earlier today I was taking my walk, and some guy in a white truck stopped me to get directions to Home Depot. I told him how to get there, and then he said that I'm pretty and asked me if I'm single. I said no, but thanks for the compliment, and he went on his way.
I guess I took it in stride, but lately it feels more like my parents telling me that I'm working hard and that they're proud of me but mostly what I get from the world is that I'm pretty and that's pretty much it. I don't feel like I'm working towards anything. I don't feel like I've earned my spot in this whole life thing yet. I am literally at that point where I can go anywhere and do anything I want, and I'm frozen with fear.
Well this guy here:
gave me a whole bunch of props on Fitocracy (40+, I believe). I posted on his wall thanking him for the props, and he replied, "I liked your goals. Your are by far the most interesting person that I follow."
Well there's that.
I thought I knew what I was doing. I don't know. Not really anymore. Apply for the House Historian internship? Graduate in the Spring and attend Nova for my endorsement courses? Give up and try to work for the government? Give up and try to work for Home Depot?
I wish someone could point at me and say, "You are worth it as a person. You are worth investing in." But I guess you're only worth investing in if you decide you're worth investing it. And if you're actually good at managing your time. Tomorrow I have to turn in an annotated bibliography. I have no idea what I'm doing or how to find what I'm looking for. I know we sat down at the library and learned but I completely forgot where to go. Now what? Now what?
Earlier today I was taking my walk, and some guy in a white truck stopped me to get directions to Home Depot. I told him how to get there, and then he said that I'm pretty and asked me if I'm single. I said no, but thanks for the compliment, and he went on his way.
I guess I took it in stride, but lately it feels more like my parents telling me that I'm working hard and that they're proud of me but mostly what I get from the world is that I'm pretty and that's pretty much it. I don't feel like I'm working towards anything. I don't feel like I've earned my spot in this whole life thing yet. I am literally at that point where I can go anywhere and do anything I want, and I'm frozen with fear.
Well this guy here:
gave me a whole bunch of props on Fitocracy (40+, I believe). I posted on his wall thanking him for the props, and he replied, "I liked your goals. Your are by far the most interesting person that I follow."
Well there's that.