Not a little girl anymore
I arrived at Mom and Dad's house around 8:30. Only Dad was home. Mom was picking up Eric from the Metro. He was playing Heroes II on the computer downstairs. After an exchange of pleasantries, Dad revealed that he had called all the Hilton hotels in the Dulles Corridor to see if they had an part-time positions for me. None of them had any openings.
I thanked him for making the effort at least. Dad kept talking; about how to get a hotel job, about calling the Courtyard near the mall, about how Peggy had worked her way through nursing school, about talking to the hotel I worked for a while back, about maybe stopping in another hotel.
I said, as gently as I could, "What if I want a job in the Springfield-Alexandria area?"
After a moment of thought, Dad said, "I'm not stupid. I don't think it's realistic for you to expect to see James often with your schedule."
This was pretty much the wrong thing to say. I was too angry at him for saying that to listen to anything else he wanted to say. I sat still and nodded along as he kept talking. Finally Mom and Eric came home, granting us both a distraction from the subject. We went upstairs to talk with them.
I went to bed angry, and I didn't sleep well, and I woke up angry in the morning. I told Eric about it while driving him to the Metro. He said he had been in a similar situation in Tucson, and that he had just simply told his father to deal with it.
I checked my phone after I did my book pull. Dad had called and left another message. The Courtyard didn't have any openings, but maybe I could try Leesburg?
Leesburg? Fucking Leesburg? I was so mad I wanted to throw my phone. Leesburg? This wasn't even about whether or not Dad really welcomed James into the family. Dad was trying to control me. Dad was trying to keep me in the area. Dad wanted control over my job, my life. I had had to sacrifice so much independence to move back into their home, and now he wanted me to not work in Fairfax at all? Work in fucking Leesburg??
As I checked books into one system and out of another, I started making desperate plans. I could give Eric my car and depend on public transportation. That would save me some money right? And I could read my textbooks on the bus. Yes.
I couldn't access Loudoun County's website. At all. Stupid. Fucking. Loudoun. County.
When it was time to package books, I picked up the first book. It was too big for all of our boxes and bags. And Dad was trying to control me. And I needed a second job. And the book wouldn't fit in any boxes or bag. And Dad was trying to control me. And I needed a second job. And the book wouldn't...
Oh god I was spiraling.
Now stop it. You're hungry. You're tired. That means you're grouchy. You can get a box out of the mail room. It would be too big, but we just didn't have anything else the book would fit it.
While I stuffed the box full of books, I started doing short-term planning. Focusing on achievable goals. What was I going to do after work? I was going to apply for jobs. I had forgotten my laptop, so I was going to have to do that at home. I could do laundry, and then apply for jobs on Mom and Dad's computer. And I was going to give Sonny a bath. Jobs. Laundry. I could do that.
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