I am so damn stupid!!!
I’m doing it again… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Do you know that every night before I go to bed and I pray to not felt his way; I pray that I can be single, leave everything else behind, and be the girl I used to be. Did you know that because of everything that has happened this year that I have changed and I will never be the same. Do you know how weird it is to realize something like that? I was lying in bed last night and thinking like I always do, but I stumbled over the fact of who I was and who I am now. I thought I hated myself then…. I’m really not happy with the person I am becoming. I’ve been so angry lately and a lot of people seem to do nothing but get on my nerves. My friend, Brian, who I have always had a crush on ever seems to annoy me now. What is going on, why do things have to be this way? Why does one guy that I meant nothing to have to change so much. It’s not like it was even that great I mean I cried most of the time because I meant nothing. Is being in love really worth it, do I really want to do all of this over again? But then why am I so sad when I have no one? All I do anymore is sleep and I mean it! I got up at 6 in the morning yesterday, got off work at 4, got home at 5, went to sleep at 5:30, at dinner, went back to sleep until about 10:30, stayed up until about 1 and then slept again until 11 today. The only reason I woke up today was because I had a friend call me that needed to know if I was at work or not. My existence is becoming more pathetic. I really just need to start running or something. I very much need to get away from here. My friend invited me to the beach… I think I am going to check out my college stuff and then go with her. Maybe I could get things off my mind but then I would be surrounded with guys. What do I need to do?