Lordy
I'm so confused. I don't know where I'm heading. I don't know what I want. I don't know what to do!!!
/angst
Seriously though, I am quite confused about a few things. First of all, boy-wise.
I like my new boy toy "John". We get along great, the sex is awesome and we click. But I don't know if it'll ever be more. I feel like I'm doing the SAME thing as I did with my ex. It went to quickly. I'm confused about my feelings for him. My sister told me she sees no spark between us. Maybe she's right. I told her that we get along great and that we click. She says that I get along great and click with a lot of other people, but I don't date them all. Which is true. Maybe he is just a friend. I don't know what to do. My sister's telling me to break it off now before I break his heart, which I have a tendency of doing.
I still have a thing for my friend Mike. Things were weird for a while, but we're back to being excellent friends. I love having him around me. He makes me laugh so much. I love it when he hugs me and touches me. My sister always wondered why we never ended up together, she says we belong together. So does our best friend Deb. She's wanted us to be together forever. She just never told me :P Even though I don't want to admit it...I think I would be better off with him.
So am I leading on John? He's getting attached already, I can see it and feel it. Again, same thing has happened...3 times before. I feel like such a bitch and a tease. But it's not my fault...I'm confused, what can I say! I don't kwow what I want in all this. I'm not sure what my feelings for John and Mike are.
Now, family-wise.
I had a really long and hard talk with my parents yesterday. It took me by surprised and hurt me, a lot. It started off with something small and all of sudden escalated to something huge. I've never felt so small and cheap in my entire life. I had no idea that I made my parents feel the way they did. I just wanted to leave, go in a corner, and sob. I did the sobbing part, but I sat there and listened. It's the hardest thing I've had to hear...except when I came out to my parents. I felt like such a failure. I know they love me. And I love them. But...things can't go on this way. Things must change. I just don't know what. I have so much thinking to do, but I don't know where to start.
God, I'm rambling on. Sorry guys, this is none of your business. I needed to get it off my chest though. Deb came last night and comforted me. We talked, she showed me her pics from Europe and talked over herbal tea. It helped. It calmed me. God I love Deb. I don't know what I'd do without her.
Alright, I gotta go. Don't forget to go see Jen and my new site: LAVISHED.NET!!
/angst
Seriously though, I am quite confused about a few things. First of all, boy-wise.
I like my new boy toy "John". We get along great, the sex is awesome and we click. But I don't know if it'll ever be more. I feel like I'm doing the SAME thing as I did with my ex. It went to quickly. I'm confused about my feelings for him. My sister told me she sees no spark between us. Maybe she's right. I told her that we get along great and that we click. She says that I get along great and click with a lot of other people, but I don't date them all. Which is true. Maybe he is just a friend. I don't know what to do. My sister's telling me to break it off now before I break his heart, which I have a tendency of doing.
I still have a thing for my friend Mike. Things were weird for a while, but we're back to being excellent friends. I love having him around me. He makes me laugh so much. I love it when he hugs me and touches me. My sister always wondered why we never ended up together, she says we belong together. So does our best friend Deb. She's wanted us to be together forever. She just never told me :P Even though I don't want to admit it...I think I would be better off with him.
So am I leading on John? He's getting attached already, I can see it and feel it. Again, same thing has happened...3 times before. I feel like such a bitch and a tease. But it's not my fault...I'm confused, what can I say! I don't kwow what I want in all this. I'm not sure what my feelings for John and Mike are.
Now, family-wise.
I had a really long and hard talk with my parents yesterday. It took me by surprised and hurt me, a lot. It started off with something small and all of sudden escalated to something huge. I've never felt so small and cheap in my entire life. I had no idea that I made my parents feel the way they did. I just wanted to leave, go in a corner, and sob. I did the sobbing part, but I sat there and listened. It's the hardest thing I've had to hear...except when I came out to my parents. I felt like such a failure. I know they love me. And I love them. But...things can't go on this way. Things must change. I just don't know what. I have so much thinking to do, but I don't know where to start.
God, I'm rambling on. Sorry guys, this is none of your business. I needed to get it off my chest though. Deb came last night and comforted me. We talked, she showed me her pics from Europe and talked over herbal tea. It helped. It calmed me. God I love Deb. I don't know what I'd do without her.
Alright, I gotta go. Don't forget to go see Jen and my new site: LAVISHED.NET!!