(no subject)
i don't know what to do with myself anymore. my shallow attempts at being successful have placed me in the exact same location at which i started: the very beginning.
my work does nothing; my efforts are useless. i spend time on work i needn't do, work i evidently cannot do well, in place of spending time with the people about who i actually care.
i do so many things i don't want to do. i want to call it quits, throw in the towel, yell "STOP!" at the top of my lungs in an effort to relieve myself of this terrible feeling. i'm antsy, i'm fidgety, there is something that is missing and i'm too stupid to let myself have it.
this is torture.
i found myself eating ice cream amongst ten of my peers tonight, one of whom is supposed to be my best friend, and i've never felt more alone. we're shallow, we're vague, we're lifelessly banal pools of procrastination, gossip and lies.
i hate this.
i will never understand the way that high school works. i will never find solace in sitting in rooms filled with multitudes of people who mean nothing to anyone. the sad part is is that this doesn't matter at all to them.
we are hopeless.
i want to spend time with the people i like, enjoy, care about, can discuss things with, sit around and do nothing with. no longer can i pass the time doing busywork and accepting it; i refuse to be spoon fed a way of life anymore.
i am frustrated.
i will do nothing. this cycle will continue until i drive myself mad or someone else does first.. i will remain static and pent up and capped at what i am now. i am stagnant; there is no river flowing through me, no new budding life, no sign of promising movement.
i am hopeless.
iamjustlikeeveryoneelse.
my work does nothing; my efforts are useless. i spend time on work i needn't do, work i evidently cannot do well, in place of spending time with the people about who i actually care.
i do so many things i don't want to do. i want to call it quits, throw in the towel, yell "STOP!" at the top of my lungs in an effort to relieve myself of this terrible feeling. i'm antsy, i'm fidgety, there is something that is missing and i'm too stupid to let myself have it.
this is torture.
i found myself eating ice cream amongst ten of my peers tonight, one of whom is supposed to be my best friend, and i've never felt more alone. we're shallow, we're vague, we're lifelessly banal pools of procrastination, gossip and lies.
i hate this.
i will never understand the way that high school works. i will never find solace in sitting in rooms filled with multitudes of people who mean nothing to anyone. the sad part is is that this doesn't matter at all to them.
we are hopeless.
i want to spend time with the people i like, enjoy, care about, can discuss things with, sit around and do nothing with. no longer can i pass the time doing busywork and accepting it; i refuse to be spoon fed a way of life anymore.
i am frustrated.
i will do nothing. this cycle will continue until i drive myself mad or someone else does first.. i will remain static and pent up and capped at what i am now. i am stagnant; there is no river flowing through me, no new budding life, no sign of promising movement.
i am hopeless.
iamjustlikeeveryoneelse.