American Idol
Top five, bay-beeeeee. Each contestant gets two phone numbers now, but they're still only singing one song apiece. This week's theme is "standards from the rat pack era" which has the potential to be horrible and boring (I'm looking at you, Matt Giraud) or awesome (hi, Adam). Matt seems to think that the rat pack included Rod Stewart, which, wtf??? (Maybe he did an album of standards or something? I have been avoiding Rod Stewart like the plague since the early 1980s, so anything is possible.) The mentor is Jaime Foxx, who played Ray Charles and was in Dreamgirls, so one could stretch things a bit and claim he is relevant... but more importantly, he's promoting a movie at the moment. Oh, Idol. Never change your mercenary, product-placementy ways.
Kris Allen goes first, looking dapper in a suit, but not before a commercial and a plug for iTunes. He's singing The Way You Look Tonight. In his interview, Kris is like "I am outclassed by the others in the final five," because he doesn't realize that he can actually sing, dawg. Mmm. He's good, but (and this is the fault of the theme week, not the singer) it is such a "Star Search" type performance. The band picks up and he goes falsetto... and I don't actually like his falsetto on this song; it sounded a bit off. But he definitely knows how to eyefuck the camera and work the audience into a panty-throwing frenzy, so I think he's solid. Randy is very complimentary of his vocals, and the way he took his time with it. Kara says that this style of music requires good technical abilities, and Kris set the bar high and is a dark horse in the competition. Paula... looks like she's wearing a Christmas bow? She calls him a contemporary crooner. Simon is less enthusiastic than the other three and says it was a bit "wet." (Kris is #1 and #6, and Ryan tells him to "go dry off," and my mind goes to that dirty place where it pretty much lives all the time anyway.)
Allison Irohita is next. Ryan asks her what it's like being the only girl left in the competition, which, whatever, there's only five people left so there were good odds it would be gender-imbalanced at this point. It was apparently her birthday recently, and she's babbling a lot about it, and I wonder if she ought not be saving her voice? She's singing Someone To Watch Over Me, which, Ella Fitzgerald for the win! And all the other people who've sung it. That's why these are standards. I'm not sure I love her interpretation of this, but she's a good singer. Oh, I like what she did with the last couple of lines of it there. It just seemed to drag a bit in the beginning. Randy says, as he does every week, that Allison surprises him that she's so young but singing this kind of thing. Kara is like "you're not just a rock chick!" Paula loves that she did a ballad. (Wow, I'm so surprised at how coherent Paula is this week. Simon asks her if she thinks she could win the competition at this stage, and she gives a wishy washy answer that "any of us could," which is not the right answer, Allison! You have to be in it to win it! The other judges rush in to defend her. I think there needs to be a smackdown. Poor girl looks like she might cry, and we're reminded that she is only 16 or 17 or whatever, and she doesn't have the confidence and grownuptitude of some of the other contestants. (Unfortunately, I think Simon's right, though. Not just with the self-confidence, I still don't think she's really a strong enough vocalist to win the competition. Though that was a good performance, and I think she has a good chance of making it through to next week.)
I'm watching this in realtime, which sucks because I can't skip commercials, but I have to laugh at this Wendy's commercial where they pretend that the same person can be eating Wendy's throughout his entire life (something about how the sandwich is consistently good?) and not be, like, two hundred fifty pounds by the end of it.
Also, okay FOX, you've promo'ed it to death and I still really want to see Glee, so could you please show it already pleeeeeeease?
The Uneliminated One should own this week, because this is totally his kind of genre. He's singing My Funny Valentine, which I think is kind of a difficult song actually. Jaime Foxx apparently had nothing useful to say to him at first, but then called him back in to tell him to change the key and make him belt some note in it. Matt starts out strong. It's a little monotone-ish in the beginning, but that's how the song goes. He throws in a nice little riff thing in there, that I liked, and he ends it strong as well. This was his best performance in a while, but I kind of agree with Randy that there was a little bit of pitchiness in there. The judges are uncomplimentary and say that he wasn't emotionally connected. Except Paula loved it, but she loves everything. And then Simon disagrees with Randy too, and says that it was the first believable and authentic song that we've heard so far tonight, and that he was brilliant.
My Funny Valentine really is a difficult song, too.
My Wife Is Dead (But I Kept My Wedding Tux, Apparently) is singing Come Rain or Come Shy with a bluesy feel to it, he says. Jaime Foxx makes Danny sing "I wanna love you like nobody loves you" while being waaaaaaay in his personal space, which I find highly entertaining. The song opens with a trombone solo, which you don't see too much any more. He... just looks so smarmy. I can't even help it at this point, I've taken some kind of visceral dislike to the guy. His singing is fine. It's good, even. But I am not loving it. He goes very bluesy there toward the end, which at least made it interesting (the other three all played it pretty straight this week) and the audience goes wild. Randy thinks Danny could have an album of songs like that; it would be an album I would absolutely not buy. Kara goes all chickenhead on her feedback, and says that the end of the song was the most creative he's ever been. Paula thinks it was stellar. Simon admires the swagger and confidence that Danny projected, and that this was the best he's been for weeks, and that the arrangement was superb (which, I agree, it actually kind of was.) I still do not like Danny. But he was good.
And once again we're ending with Adam Lambert, which is like the how-many'th time he's closed out the show? But first, a commercial!
Apparently there is a movie, which looks like a straight up parody of Save the Last Dance, which is all set to dial American race relations back to where they were, like, five years before Obama became President. Thanks a lot, Hollywood! Also, I kind of want to buy an iPhone, but I priced them, and in addition to paying for the phone it would be like an extra $30/month on top of what I'm currently paying and I never call anyone anyway and I suspect I only want one because they are shiny. So I'm resisting. At least until my current cell phone contract expires. Which is soon. Fuck. And, seriously, the acapella version of Journey's Don't Stop Believing in the commercials for Glee sounds awesome, and I love that woman from Spring Awakening, and I want to seeeeeeee ittttttttttt.
Okay, back to Adam. He's singing Feeling Good, with a rock edge. This could go well, or it could go horribly, horribly awry. But I've said that about everything Adam's done. He's got some dramatic entrance with the lit stairs and the lighting and the camera angles... I love that the show is totally supporting him to win this thing; they really are pushing him. It starts off kind of soft(ish) and seductive(ish) and then it gets dirty. Ahem. Okay, so, here's the thing. I don't actually find Adam attractive at all. But when he sings, it makes me tingly in, uh, places. OMFG that high note that he held out for eight million years. Whoa. (I thought I heard some pitchiness in there toward the middle, but.) Randy says it was too theatrical and Broadway, but that he's consistent and good. Kara actually uses the word "sleazy" and says she likes it and is at a loss for words. Paula seems to respond to his vocals the way that I do, with the tingliness. Simon says that Randy's complaint about Adam being theatrical is "like complaining that a cow moos." Simon compliments him for his desire to win the competition, which tells us more about Simon than about Adam, and generally I think Adam is so totally safe it isn't even funny.
Do we even still have a bottom three? If so, it's the first three... Kris, Allison and Matt. It's gotta be Allison or Matt going home. I think my money is on Matt, because Allison might get the sympathy vote from the harsh criticism she received, and America already tried to vote Matt off once.
I'm tempted to go back to my recaps and count how many weeks they've had Danny and Adam back-to-back, because I think the producers are totally setting these two up for the finale. Which, to be fair, they are the best two singers. (They gave Adam's last note a little reverb-effect too, which they tend to reserve for the contestants they want to win.) No conspiracy theory too small; this is FOX after all.
Kris Allen goes first, looking dapper in a suit, but not before a commercial and a plug for iTunes. He's singing The Way You Look Tonight. In his interview, Kris is like "I am outclassed by the others in the final five," because he doesn't realize that he can actually sing, dawg. Mmm. He's good, but (and this is the fault of the theme week, not the singer) it is such a "Star Search" type performance. The band picks up and he goes falsetto... and I don't actually like his falsetto on this song; it sounded a bit off. But he definitely knows how to eyefuck the camera and work the audience into a panty-throwing frenzy, so I think he's solid. Randy is very complimentary of his vocals, and the way he took his time with it. Kara says that this style of music requires good technical abilities, and Kris set the bar high and is a dark horse in the competition. Paula... looks like she's wearing a Christmas bow? She calls him a contemporary crooner. Simon is less enthusiastic than the other three and says it was a bit "wet." (Kris is #1 and #6, and Ryan tells him to "go dry off," and my mind goes to that dirty place where it pretty much lives all the time anyway.)
Allison Irohita is next. Ryan asks her what it's like being the only girl left in the competition, which, whatever, there's only five people left so there were good odds it would be gender-imbalanced at this point. It was apparently her birthday recently, and she's babbling a lot about it, and I wonder if she ought not be saving her voice? She's singing Someone To Watch Over Me, which, Ella Fitzgerald for the win! And all the other people who've sung it. That's why these are standards. I'm not sure I love her interpretation of this, but she's a good singer. Oh, I like what she did with the last couple of lines of it there. It just seemed to drag a bit in the beginning. Randy says, as he does every week, that Allison surprises him that she's so young but singing this kind of thing. Kara is like "you're not just a rock chick!" Paula loves that she did a ballad. (Wow, I'm so surprised at how coherent Paula is this week. Simon asks her if she thinks she could win the competition at this stage, and she gives a wishy washy answer that "any of us could," which is not the right answer, Allison! You have to be in it to win it! The other judges rush in to defend her. I think there needs to be a smackdown. Poor girl looks like she might cry, and we're reminded that she is only 16 or 17 or whatever, and she doesn't have the confidence and grownuptitude of some of the other contestants. (Unfortunately, I think Simon's right, though. Not just with the self-confidence, I still don't think she's really a strong enough vocalist to win the competition. Though that was a good performance, and I think she has a good chance of making it through to next week.)
I'm watching this in realtime, which sucks because I can't skip commercials, but I have to laugh at this Wendy's commercial where they pretend that the same person can be eating Wendy's throughout his entire life (something about how the sandwich is consistently good?) and not be, like, two hundred fifty pounds by the end of it.
Also, okay FOX, you've promo'ed it to death and I still really want to see Glee, so could you please show it already pleeeeeeease?
The Uneliminated One should own this week, because this is totally his kind of genre. He's singing My Funny Valentine, which I think is kind of a difficult song actually. Jaime Foxx apparently had nothing useful to say to him at first, but then called him back in to tell him to change the key and make him belt some note in it. Matt starts out strong. It's a little monotone-ish in the beginning, but that's how the song goes. He throws in a nice little riff thing in there, that I liked, and he ends it strong as well. This was his best performance in a while, but I kind of agree with Randy that there was a little bit of pitchiness in there. The judges are uncomplimentary and say that he wasn't emotionally connected. Except Paula loved it, but she loves everything. And then Simon disagrees with Randy too, and says that it was the first believable and authentic song that we've heard so far tonight, and that he was brilliant.
My Funny Valentine really is a difficult song, too.
My Wife Is Dead (But I Kept My Wedding Tux, Apparently) is singing Come Rain or Come Shy with a bluesy feel to it, he says. Jaime Foxx makes Danny sing "I wanna love you like nobody loves you" while being waaaaaaay in his personal space, which I find highly entertaining. The song opens with a trombone solo, which you don't see too much any more. He... just looks so smarmy. I can't even help it at this point, I've taken some kind of visceral dislike to the guy. His singing is fine. It's good, even. But I am not loving it. He goes very bluesy there toward the end, which at least made it interesting (the other three all played it pretty straight this week) and the audience goes wild. Randy thinks Danny could have an album of songs like that; it would be an album I would absolutely not buy. Kara goes all chickenhead on her feedback, and says that the end of the song was the most creative he's ever been. Paula thinks it was stellar. Simon admires the swagger and confidence that Danny projected, and that this was the best he's been for weeks, and that the arrangement was superb (which, I agree, it actually kind of was.) I still do not like Danny. But he was good.
And once again we're ending with Adam Lambert, which is like the how-many'th time he's closed out the show? But first, a commercial!
Apparently there is a movie, which looks like a straight up parody of Save the Last Dance, which is all set to dial American race relations back to where they were, like, five years before Obama became President. Thanks a lot, Hollywood! Also, I kind of want to buy an iPhone, but I priced them, and in addition to paying for the phone it would be like an extra $30/month on top of what I'm currently paying and I never call anyone anyway and I suspect I only want one because they are shiny. So I'm resisting. At least until my current cell phone contract expires. Which is soon. Fuck. And, seriously, the acapella version of Journey's Don't Stop Believing in the commercials for Glee sounds awesome, and I love that woman from Spring Awakening, and I want to seeeeeeee ittttttttttt.
Okay, back to Adam. He's singing Feeling Good, with a rock edge. This could go well, or it could go horribly, horribly awry. But I've said that about everything Adam's done. He's got some dramatic entrance with the lit stairs and the lighting and the camera angles... I love that the show is totally supporting him to win this thing; they really are pushing him. It starts off kind of soft(ish) and seductive(ish) and then it gets dirty. Ahem. Okay, so, here's the thing. I don't actually find Adam attractive at all. But when he sings, it makes me tingly in, uh, places. OMFG that high note that he held out for eight million years. Whoa. (I thought I heard some pitchiness in there toward the middle, but.) Randy says it was too theatrical and Broadway, but that he's consistent and good. Kara actually uses the word "sleazy" and says she likes it and is at a loss for words. Paula seems to respond to his vocals the way that I do, with the tingliness. Simon says that Randy's complaint about Adam being theatrical is "like complaining that a cow moos." Simon compliments him for his desire to win the competition, which tells us more about Simon than about Adam, and generally I think Adam is so totally safe it isn't even funny.
Do we even still have a bottom three? If so, it's the first three... Kris, Allison and Matt. It's gotta be Allison or Matt going home. I think my money is on Matt, because Allison might get the sympathy vote from the harsh criticism she received, and America already tried to vote Matt off once.
I'm tempted to go back to my recaps and count how many weeks they've had Danny and Adam back-to-back, because I think the producers are totally setting these two up for the finale. Which, to be fair, they are the best two singers. (They gave Adam's last note a little reverb-effect too, which they tend to reserve for the contestants they want to win.) No conspiracy theory too small; this is FOX after all.