The Escapades Of Brendon And Shane in Wal-Mart (After Seven P.M.) [S/A]
Title: The Escapades Of Brendon And Shane in Wal-Mart (After Seven P.M.) [S/A]
Author: silhouettes_die
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Brendon/Shane
POV: Brendon
Summary: “Wal-Mart is crazy after seven.” He mumbled shaking his head.
Disclaimer: I’m sorry if you sneeze after all this is bullshit.
Warnings: Only language really (which is shocking for me).
Author Notes: This is based off what happened to me in Wal-Mart on Friday because seriously the people in my Wal-Mart are crazy after seven especially when kitchen pots are on sale. Scary.
ETA: X-Posted at urie_valdez
Brendon glared hard at his boyfriend who was standing at the doorway with a huge list in his hand tapping his foot. There was no way in hell that Shane going to make him go after all Brendon was in his comfy spot, and when he is in his comfy spot Brendon Urie does not liked to be moved for anything. Not even shopping.
“Brendon you know we have to go,” Shane tried to reason. “We have no food.”
“We can eat cereal.”
“You ate all the cereal.”
“Then we can make sandwiches.”
“I can make a sandwich with a slice of bread?” Shane cocked his eyebrows.
“Yes we’ll cut it in half and then yum a sandwich.” Brendon grinned knowing very well he was only making Shane angrier.
“Okay fine,” Shane sighed throwing his arms up in the air. “Oh and by the way we also ran out of dog food.” He called as he walked out of the living room.
Brendon looked down at Dylan who lay in his lap looking up at him with her big puppy eyes and fuck she already looked hungry and there was no way in hell daddy was going to let his little girl starve.
“Wait Shane I changed my mind!”
~*~
“Okay hopefully it won’t be to busy since it is after seven and everyone should be eating dinner.” Shane mumbled as they waked through the doors.
“But then won’t everything be almost gone?” Brendon asked grabbing a shopping cart.
“No-well I hope not-it better not.”
Brendon smirked as he pushed the cart following his boyfriend who already had his nose buried in the huge list in his hands probably trying to remember where which item was in which aisle so they could leave as soon as possible. Shane had suddenly grown hostel towards Wal-Mart and blamed Brendon for it. But it wasn’t Brendon’s fault he forgot small unimportant things like shopping for food.
“You know Shane there is a Target opened a little down the road.”
“We are not going to Target just so you can ride in the shopping carts Bren.”
Fuck Wal-Mart and their stupid small shopping carts.
“Fine then you push the cart.” Brendon huffed pushing the cart away from him.
“Your acting five again just because the cart is to small for you big ass?”
“Yes I am and you never complained about my ass before.”
“Who said I was complaining?” Shane smirked quickly pushing the cart going to whatever aisle they needed to go in.
Brendon made sure that he was out of Shane’s sight before turning on his heel and walking in the opposite direction towards the clothes wanting to have some fun while Shane went to be the grown up. Brendon looked around before climbing into the clothes rack trying to hide the fit of giggles that wanted to come up, he didn’t have to wait long as a thirty-year-old guy scanned the racks picking up weird colored shirts. As soon as the guy stood in front of his rack he quickly began to yell out.
“Oh pick me! I’d look so flattering on you! No me! Red is so your color sweetheart pick me!”
He could somewhat see the man back away from the rack with a confused look on his face, Brendon kept going but getting louder getting very amused quickly. The man finally deiced to pull a couple of the shirts away to find Brendon on the floor grinning up at him. He glared down going to reach for Brendon who already had crawled out the other side of the rack and running towards the frozen food. Were he banged into Shane thankfully.
“Where did you go?” he asked not even turning around as he compared two frozen pizzas.
“Oh just looked at the clothes.” Brendon answered innocently.
“Find anything?”
“Nah nothing looked pretty on me.”
“Shocking you find something in every store.” Shane threw both of the boxes into the cart as he rolled his eyes.
“I know! Do you think I should make clothes for Wal-Mart Shane?” Brendon asked following him this time as he went into the next aisle.
“It doesn’t matter what I say Bren you do it anyway.” He answered picking up rainbow sprinkles (that was probably for the cookie mix that was already in the cart).
“Are you making me cookies!?”
“No I’m making Jon cookies.”
“Why does Jon get cookies?” Brendon whined stomping his foot (like the true five-year-old he was).
“Because he came over and fed you while I was away,” Shane explained slowly. “Thus he gets cookies for putting up with you.”
“I’m that that bad.”
“For cooking yes,” Shane smirked grabbing his boyfriends hand and squeezing it. “Now come on I need a new oven mitt someone burnt mine.”
Brendon guiltily looked down at the floor as they walked into the kitchen utensils aisle and leaning against the shelf holding the pots taking out his Sidekick already bored as Shane grabbed three oven mitts (yay now its time to compare!). The sound of shopping cart wheels squeaked from the end of the aisle and were coming fast making Brendon look up to see a forty-year-old women with a determined look on her face. His eyebrows cocked up as she raced down the aisle past Shane and stopped right before Brendon, all of a sudden he was on the floor looking up at the ceiling confused as hell.
“The last pot is mine!” she yelled and the cart quickly disappeared just as fast as it came.
Shane’s amused laughter was just making things worse.
“What just happened?” Brendon asked looking up at Shane with wide eyes freaked out.
“She wanted the last pot,” he snorted still trying to control his laughter. “And you got in her way.”
“What happened to saying excuse me?”
“I guess it doesn’t exist if pots are on sale.” Shane smirked helping Brendon up.
“Wal-Mart is crazy after seven.” He mumbled shaking his head.
“Maybe you’re making it crazy.” He giggled linking their arms together pulling him into the pet aisle.
“Shane look!”
“Yeah I see the chew toys.”
“I think Dylan needs a new one!” Brendon squealed pulling his arm away picking up a hedgehog. “Don’t you think so?”
“Brendon you bought her one yesterday.” Shane grunted as he picked up the dog food off the shelf.
“Yeah but she doesn’t have a blue hedgehog.” Brendon pouted holding the toy up to Shane’s face.
“She’s not getting it and that’s final.”
“You’re a mean daddy Shane.” He huffed throwing the toy back on the shelf crossing his arms over his chest walking behind Shane slowly.
“One of us has to be.” He smirked.
“Do you know what’s weird about Wal-Mart Shane? How they never have someone that could help you! I mean this place is so huge and yet it looks like no one works here! Seriously what if I wanted that bottle of shampoo all the way up there!? I would never get it cause of it being so back and I’d probably knock down all the other shelves!”
Shane sighed looking clearly annoyed. “We do need that shampoo.”
“Oh well isn’t that wonderful?”
“Fucking-wait Bren get on my shoulders.” Shane grins moving the cart out of the aisle and out of the way.
Brendon stared blankly at his boyfriend. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“You trust me right?”
“Well yeah but-”
“Good! Now come on I promise I won’t drop you.” Shane smiled bending down.
Brendon sighed defeated as he climbed onto Shane’s broad shoulders hoping that he doesn’t break his neck (or Shane’s) just for a fucking bottle of shampoo. Shane slowly stands up a little wobbly making Brendon squeak and hold tightly onto his head.
“I changed my mind put me down!”
“Brendon your fine just relax.” Shane grunts walking closer to the shelf.
He gulps as he lets go of his boyfriends head making grabby hands at the bottle that seemed much farther then it really was, he felt Shane’s feet slip under him making him quickly grab the top shelf incase he was about to fall.
“Bren let go!”
“No I’m going to die Shane! I’m way too young and pretty to die!”
Shane growls taking a step back to make Brendon let go of the shelf but makes matters worse as Brendon tightens his grip bringing the shelf with him.
“Holy shit not good!” Brendon yells quickly releasing the shelf as it moves forward slightly. “Run Shane its going to kill us!”
Shane does. Shane runs for both of their lives just as they get into the walkway out of the aisle the aisle falls to the ground with a loud groan scattering bottles everywhere and sending some to fly up into the air. A blue bottle spinning towards them and stopping at Shane’s feet just as Brendon crawls off his shoulders. Brendon bends down picking it up.
“Oh the fucking irony.” Shane glared at the bottle.
“I told you it was crazy after seven.”
~*~
Shane and Brendon were banned from the Wal-Mart down the street after that.
Brendon could care less he finally got to ride in his shopping carts.