because thats what i want to hear
sometimes i think, is there anyone else in my situation? you always think there must be, but when it actually comes down to it, i wish i could speak to someone with the same issues as me.
there is no hope of finding my real father. i need slightly more than australia, and gary. i wish i knew more.
and the one i did know, well. im not even allowed to see him anymore. supposedly for my own benefit. was she really thinking when she did that? was he really thinking when he did what he did all those times? how could he be so careless. i miss him so much. i want to remember it all without any blemishes. i wish there was someone other than her. that remembers him as i do. as my father. not as a sick old man. i miss him so much. and everything is ruined. i want something new. but everything i do is tainted with the imprint he left on my perception of men. and intimacy. i can't stand him. he makes me sick. and yet i love him. i can't believe i'll never see him again. i can't believe im eighteen. i can't believe we don't live there anymore. i can't beleive he did this to me. i can't believe what he destroyed. i want to remember the places that we left. i want to remember the family i lost. the family that lost me. i hate her. i love her. i forgive him. i forgive everyone. why can't we just go back. lose the past two years instead. i would rather lose the last two years than the previous ten years. i wish i could say this out loud.
there is no hope of finding my real father. i need slightly more than australia, and gary. i wish i knew more.
and the one i did know, well. im not even allowed to see him anymore. supposedly for my own benefit. was she really thinking when she did that? was he really thinking when he did what he did all those times? how could he be so careless. i miss him so much. i want to remember it all without any blemishes. i wish there was someone other than her. that remembers him as i do. as my father. not as a sick old man. i miss him so much. and everything is ruined. i want something new. but everything i do is tainted with the imprint he left on my perception of men. and intimacy. i can't stand him. he makes me sick. and yet i love him. i can't believe i'll never see him again. i can't believe im eighteen. i can't believe we don't live there anymore. i can't beleive he did this to me. i can't believe what he destroyed. i want to remember the places that we left. i want to remember the family i lost. the family that lost me. i hate her. i love her. i forgive him. i forgive everyone. why can't we just go back. lose the past two years instead. i would rather lose the last two years than the previous ten years. i wish i could say this out loud.