Well done, I think this is one of your best chapters to date, because you are getting inside your character's thoughts and showing us his confusion and frustration, as well as his lingering fear of Aiden and Jay. Very nicely done, I was totally there with him.
One little suggestion - in this bit, He hadn't been out there yet. He wasn't trusted out yet. Like he was a damn puppy or something. He was not the puppy of the house. I wonder if the frustration would be more apparent if you took out the 'not' in that last sentence? If it read - He was the puppy of the house! you would really show that he was also kind of angry at the limitations set upon him? However, it is good as it is, so it it totally up to you.
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One little suggestion - in this bit, He hadn't been out there yet. He wasn't trusted out yet. Like he was a damn puppy or something. He was not the puppy of the house.
I wonder if the frustration would be more apparent if you took out the 'not' in that last sentence? If it read - He was the puppy of the house! you would really show that he was also kind of angry at the limitations set upon him?
However, it is good as it is, so it it totally up to you.
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And you might be right about that. Like he thinks he's the puppy of the house. lol. :D
I quite like this one myself.
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