(no subject)
Well I've wanted to make a real journal entry in here for a while, especially since the last entry with any kind of meat left off on a negative note, particularly about Christmas.
Well shortly after that I decided to get in to Christmas. I went through and made a list of family members and friends and people who are important to me. I spent a lot of time thinking, searching, and otherwise acquiring the gifts that I wanted for them. I had varying levels of success. I wish I could say I put as much effort into my family as friends, but really I feel my friends are more family than my family is. Anyway doing all of that gift searching really helped get me into the spirit as I thought about the people I care about, why I care about them, and who they are, and what they like, and what I could get them to support and encourage those things. I barely met the gift giving goals I'd set for myself, but I got pretty much everything done in a form that I would consider at least suffice.
Work was slow at my job this month and that was really really really nice. Still, I now realize, after going through a Christmas with my first real attempt at getting people gifts, cards, all that fun stuff, that I will need to start earlier. Trying to squeeze it all in and having to give up on some ideas because there just wasn't time to put them together was frustrating and disapointing.
The attitude of my coworkers has continued to deteriorate, but it looks like management has finished shifting for a bit. It looks like all the demands that have been lost and unenforceable in the confusement of some restructuring are about to start falling on our heads. I anticipate my job getting more difficult very soon.
Working on Christmas left little room for my job search and preperation. I've done what I could though, and I'm considering a variety of options. I'm currently reading through a book to get myself Java certified, as hopefully something I can add to my resume. I'm getting back in to programming, and I didn't realize how much I enjoyed it. I really need to find a job as a progammer/developer. I learn quickly and I'm a self-starter. Surely there must be hundreds of jobs in San Diego that I'd be interested in and am well qualified for. I just don't think they are the advertised jobs. I really need to start making a network of programming friends. I need to start brainstorming on where to find some local independent projects that I might be able to lend a hand in and perhaps find myself some good references and/or job opportunities.
I've been thinking a lot about going back to school. I just don't know how I'm going to do it. I'd have to move back in with my parents, which pretty much means my dad, I just couldn't handle living with my mom and her fiance. I'd constantly feel in the way. My dad would drive me nuts though I think. He gets frustrated with me, often because I give excuses that he thinks are bull-shit, but I personally think he just doesn't understand my value system. I've started to narrow down my issue. Despite my fascination with math, science, and technical things, and an incredible aptitude for them, my passion lies in art in a plethera of forms and mediums, none of which I've shown any innate talent or aptitude in. Oh irony. The best I've been able to come up with is modelling and simulating things and turning them in to art. Even the psychedelic art I make relies strongly on mathematical formulas, and when I'm making an image I'm frequently thinking of things like thresholds, modulation, boolean logic, and aggregation. About the only thing that I'd consider artistic that I've shown any natural ability to excel at is writing. Especially when I was younger and more 'open minded'. I was much better at free association, and connected things on a much higher level than I do now. I'm much more explicit and direct these days. Unlocking that potential of my mind that I just don't get to use very much but I love so is one of the main reasons I like to take psychedelics. Although there are a great deal of other things that I like about psychedelics, and some things I feel I can only get from psychedelics, I do feel that this free association issue is something that isn't solved by psychedelics and I need to gain the ability to do outside of the use of psychedelics.
Alright well there's always more, but I'm gonna get back. Although Christmas was good and it was fun getting myself into the spirit, ultimately I'm happy it's over and thankful to get back to the many things I'm trying to accomplish and overcome.
And to those who read this: I hope you had a wonderful Christmas =)
Well shortly after that I decided to get in to Christmas. I went through and made a list of family members and friends and people who are important to me. I spent a lot of time thinking, searching, and otherwise acquiring the gifts that I wanted for them. I had varying levels of success. I wish I could say I put as much effort into my family as friends, but really I feel my friends are more family than my family is. Anyway doing all of that gift searching really helped get me into the spirit as I thought about the people I care about, why I care about them, and who they are, and what they like, and what I could get them to support and encourage those things. I barely met the gift giving goals I'd set for myself, but I got pretty much everything done in a form that I would consider at least suffice.
Work was slow at my job this month and that was really really really nice. Still, I now realize, after going through a Christmas with my first real attempt at getting people gifts, cards, all that fun stuff, that I will need to start earlier. Trying to squeeze it all in and having to give up on some ideas because there just wasn't time to put them together was frustrating and disapointing.
The attitude of my coworkers has continued to deteriorate, but it looks like management has finished shifting for a bit. It looks like all the demands that have been lost and unenforceable in the confusement of some restructuring are about to start falling on our heads. I anticipate my job getting more difficult very soon.
Working on Christmas left little room for my job search and preperation. I've done what I could though, and I'm considering a variety of options. I'm currently reading through a book to get myself Java certified, as hopefully something I can add to my resume. I'm getting back in to programming, and I didn't realize how much I enjoyed it. I really need to find a job as a progammer/developer. I learn quickly and I'm a self-starter. Surely there must be hundreds of jobs in San Diego that I'd be interested in and am well qualified for. I just don't think they are the advertised jobs. I really need to start making a network of programming friends. I need to start brainstorming on where to find some local independent projects that I might be able to lend a hand in and perhaps find myself some good references and/or job opportunities.
I've been thinking a lot about going back to school. I just don't know how I'm going to do it. I'd have to move back in with my parents, which pretty much means my dad, I just couldn't handle living with my mom and her fiance. I'd constantly feel in the way. My dad would drive me nuts though I think. He gets frustrated with me, often because I give excuses that he thinks are bull-shit, but I personally think he just doesn't understand my value system. I've started to narrow down my issue. Despite my fascination with math, science, and technical things, and an incredible aptitude for them, my passion lies in art in a plethera of forms and mediums, none of which I've shown any innate talent or aptitude in. Oh irony. The best I've been able to come up with is modelling and simulating things and turning them in to art. Even the psychedelic art I make relies strongly on mathematical formulas, and when I'm making an image I'm frequently thinking of things like thresholds, modulation, boolean logic, and aggregation. About the only thing that I'd consider artistic that I've shown any natural ability to excel at is writing. Especially when I was younger and more 'open minded'. I was much better at free association, and connected things on a much higher level than I do now. I'm much more explicit and direct these days. Unlocking that potential of my mind that I just don't get to use very much but I love so is one of the main reasons I like to take psychedelics. Although there are a great deal of other things that I like about psychedelics, and some things I feel I can only get from psychedelics, I do feel that this free association issue is something that isn't solved by psychedelics and I need to gain the ability to do outside of the use of psychedelics.
Alright well there's always more, but I'm gonna get back. Although Christmas was good and it was fun getting myself into the spirit, ultimately I'm happy it's over and thankful to get back to the many things I'm trying to accomplish and overcome.
And to those who read this: I hope you had a wonderful Christmas =)