I dont know how to cut things...
I find that I become very tired when I go out... I think the concentration of people weighs my head down somewhat. I feel heavy and almost exhausted to the point where I just want to lapse into sleep.
The constant reminder, while out and about by myself, that a large percentage of the people are practiced, adhering to a formula of dress, demeanour, and conversation topics that will yeild prefered results and elevate them in the eyes of others, (who just have the same expectations, as their counterpart does for them) causes me to deflate, it causes my drive to search for people who would challenge me, engage me, and teach me, to fall away and get buried by the attention grabbing external adornments that so vex me. Its as if I have expectations of something more when I leave the house, but they are never satisfied.
I find it interesting to watch people, especially those who have sought to replace their own personality with attire, or knowledge about specific subjects that are widley accepted as being popular. It makes me wonder, do they even have a personality, and it also makes me think, if they are so keen to show everyone what they like, are they really comfortable with it themselves? Why the need to validate it? How watered down are their own convictions, what lengths must they go to to endure these new 'things' that they are 'into', simply because they wish to be accepted. The amount of effort to express 'indaviduality', yet, a contradiction in terms, for there are specific boundaries inherent in this 'designed' indaviduality that are clearly marked. To be indavidual these days one must apparently choose from a list of things that are considered 'indavidual'...
I mean... Most people want the same things, for their lives, and they use methods to get these things... But to seek them so blatantly and obviously? Where is the fun? The mystery, the chance factor? I am aware most are easily satisfied, but I just dont understand it. I think the point im trying to make is that, I am at a loss to explain why a great number of people have lost track of real life. Real life being (to me) something that extends beyond the things that we adorn ourselves with, something that we hide under the shadow masks of our true personalities, (those convinent shells that make it easier to talk to people, and also help us from being thrust into a veunrable state by never talking about the things that really matter) ...but 'real life', as it were, is scary to many, I think, no less to myself. For if we were to embrace it we would interact with the core of a human being, not their practiced and polished exterior. Oh and of course, some peoples cores shine through in spite of the layers of deception, and some peoples do not, and here I answer my own question... in a manner of speaking. Those who's light shines not through a cloak of shadows, holds no light at all... Or at least, so it would seem? But what I am getting at is that humans, on this earth, are encouraged to create themselves in their own image...not just to 'be' who they are, but to create who they are, to change the established personality to fit in with our surroundings. Some are more influenced than others and employ a pack mentality in terms of latching onto what others like or dislike, or perhaps fall victim to advertising and a certain products 'popularity' or 'status' it brings in various social situations or conversations... but who of us can say, that we are completley not influenced by possesions and what others think of us, who of us can say that we have not consciously changed ourselves or acted differently for the benefit of others? I cant... of course ive done those things, what is sad is that its a part of life... its a learning process, and in some ways a test... those who never realise that they have created a mask and are living vicariously through it because of a lack of confidence for their true nature, never wish to break free of it... or, they are hiding behind a predefined 'popular' look or style that sheilds them from being an outcast simply because they look 'right' or act 'right'. I see so many useless items around... most of which are in some way attatched to people, and I speak from a purely practical point of view, I know very well that its hard to define 'useful' but what bothers me is that most of this useless minushi is there for the soul purpose of attracting someones attention, and this, is the key... if that is what attracts someones attention... and not your own core person... are you yourself worth much more, than that which adorns you?
These are my observations, and opinions... I dont attempt to declare it as bold fact. (Ive decided to include this as a means of heading off the usual 'youre wrong' response I get) And I thought about writing something else, but this is was was on my mind and isint that what LJ is all about? =)
The constant reminder, while out and about by myself, that a large percentage of the people are practiced, adhering to a formula of dress, demeanour, and conversation topics that will yeild prefered results and elevate them in the eyes of others, (who just have the same expectations, as their counterpart does for them) causes me to deflate, it causes my drive to search for people who would challenge me, engage me, and teach me, to fall away and get buried by the attention grabbing external adornments that so vex me. Its as if I have expectations of something more when I leave the house, but they are never satisfied.
I find it interesting to watch people, especially those who have sought to replace their own personality with attire, or knowledge about specific subjects that are widley accepted as being popular. It makes me wonder, do they even have a personality, and it also makes me think, if they are so keen to show everyone what they like, are they really comfortable with it themselves? Why the need to validate it? How watered down are their own convictions, what lengths must they go to to endure these new 'things' that they are 'into', simply because they wish to be accepted. The amount of effort to express 'indaviduality', yet, a contradiction in terms, for there are specific boundaries inherent in this 'designed' indaviduality that are clearly marked. To be indavidual these days one must apparently choose from a list of things that are considered 'indavidual'...
I mean... Most people want the same things, for their lives, and they use methods to get these things... But to seek them so blatantly and obviously? Where is the fun? The mystery, the chance factor? I am aware most are easily satisfied, but I just dont understand it. I think the point im trying to make is that, I am at a loss to explain why a great number of people have lost track of real life. Real life being (to me) something that extends beyond the things that we adorn ourselves with, something that we hide under the shadow masks of our true personalities, (those convinent shells that make it easier to talk to people, and also help us from being thrust into a veunrable state by never talking about the things that really matter) ...but 'real life', as it were, is scary to many, I think, no less to myself. For if we were to embrace it we would interact with the core of a human being, not their practiced and polished exterior. Oh and of course, some peoples cores shine through in spite of the layers of deception, and some peoples do not, and here I answer my own question... in a manner of speaking. Those who's light shines not through a cloak of shadows, holds no light at all... Or at least, so it would seem? But what I am getting at is that humans, on this earth, are encouraged to create themselves in their own image...not just to 'be' who they are, but to create who they are, to change the established personality to fit in with our surroundings. Some are more influenced than others and employ a pack mentality in terms of latching onto what others like or dislike, or perhaps fall victim to advertising and a certain products 'popularity' or 'status' it brings in various social situations or conversations... but who of us can say, that we are completley not influenced by possesions and what others think of us, who of us can say that we have not consciously changed ourselves or acted differently for the benefit of others? I cant... of course ive done those things, what is sad is that its a part of life... its a learning process, and in some ways a test... those who never realise that they have created a mask and are living vicariously through it because of a lack of confidence for their true nature, never wish to break free of it... or, they are hiding behind a predefined 'popular' look or style that sheilds them from being an outcast simply because they look 'right' or act 'right'. I see so many useless items around... most of which are in some way attatched to people, and I speak from a purely practical point of view, I know very well that its hard to define 'useful' but what bothers me is that most of this useless minushi is there for the soul purpose of attracting someones attention, and this, is the key... if that is what attracts someones attention... and not your own core person... are you yourself worth much more, than that which adorns you?
These are my observations, and opinions... I dont attempt to declare it as bold fact. (Ive decided to include this as a means of heading off the usual 'youre wrong' response I get) And I thought about writing something else, but this is was was on my mind and isint that what LJ is all about? =)