Positives
Relationship is still not good, which is REALLY awkward when one is sharing s tiny apartment with another person who’s just oozing contempt and misery. I’ve learned that I don’t have to let his mood affect me though so I’m working on healing myself and staying as positive as I can. It’s not easy as I feel super responsible for keeping him happy (and failed at that miserably in 2019) but learning to let go of that irrational codependent belief.
Some good things have happened. My acupuncturist came back!!!!! After months of being away in China, she came back and gave me the most needed session that felt like a 100 years of self-care. It was magical. Painful, oh how I howled (she couldn’t believe how badly in shape my body was) but I felt amazing (though sore) afterwards. There’s something about her touch and concern that is just full of love. And for someone approaching 80 she’s damn strong! Seriously I was howling in pain! But she was wonderful and I hugged her afterwards I was grateful for her loving treatment.
Then I took my mother to the tree lighting ceremony at the National Art Gallery and that was delightful. We had a lot of fun with the crowds and seeing the art afterwards.
I’m going to see my best friend tonight and next week hopefully see my younger sister and new nephew. I’ve been knitting up a storm for my family for Christmas, putting my love in stitches. I’m going to knit something for him as well even though he seems to resent everything I do. It might end up being a breaking up gift. Ha. Whatever happens, I do hope he finds happiness and I do want to wrap him up in God’s love and light. I guess knitting him a scarf is like a metaphor of that.
Speaking of God, I’m not going back to being a Christian, but I’ve been listening to a lot of hymns lately and praying. Not sure to whom, but I guess to something bigger than me in the universe. It sounds hooky, but I’ve seen some signs that something out there is looking out for me.
I wish that someone was looking out for Frank Pickersgill and Ken Macalister, Canadian soldiers who died horribly in WWII. I’m still doing a lot of reading. I’ve learning more of Canadian history and African history and the history of disease and slavery. History is fascinating, though often tragic. But I don’t get upset and depressed like I used to when I would read about atrocities and torture and horrors innocent people went through. I’m learning the world doesn’t have to be fair. It sucks, it really really does, but it is the way it is, and despite all the horror, there is still a lot of good that makes it worthwhile. I’m learning to find the good and enjoy it.
It’s been humbling, learning to let go of so much anger and rage and control. I still have lashings of it, but I’m learning to detach and stay in my lane and lay my crowns down at the feet of a universe that I don’t understand but I realize has more control than I do, and that’s okay.
Some good things have happened. My acupuncturist came back!!!!! After months of being away in China, she came back and gave me the most needed session that felt like a 100 years of self-care. It was magical. Painful, oh how I howled (she couldn’t believe how badly in shape my body was) but I felt amazing (though sore) afterwards. There’s something about her touch and concern that is just full of love. And for someone approaching 80 she’s damn strong! Seriously I was howling in pain! But she was wonderful and I hugged her afterwards I was grateful for her loving treatment.
Then I took my mother to the tree lighting ceremony at the National Art Gallery and that was delightful. We had a lot of fun with the crowds and seeing the art afterwards.
I’m going to see my best friend tonight and next week hopefully see my younger sister and new nephew. I’ve been knitting up a storm for my family for Christmas, putting my love in stitches. I’m going to knit something for him as well even though he seems to resent everything I do. It might end up being a breaking up gift. Ha. Whatever happens, I do hope he finds happiness and I do want to wrap him up in God’s love and light. I guess knitting him a scarf is like a metaphor of that.
Speaking of God, I’m not going back to being a Christian, but I’ve been listening to a lot of hymns lately and praying. Not sure to whom, but I guess to something bigger than me in the universe. It sounds hooky, but I’ve seen some signs that something out there is looking out for me.
I wish that someone was looking out for Frank Pickersgill and Ken Macalister, Canadian soldiers who died horribly in WWII. I’m still doing a lot of reading. I’ve learning more of Canadian history and African history and the history of disease and slavery. History is fascinating, though often tragic. But I don’t get upset and depressed like I used to when I would read about atrocities and torture and horrors innocent people went through. I’m learning the world doesn’t have to be fair. It sucks, it really really does, but it is the way it is, and despite all the horror, there is still a lot of good that makes it worthwhile. I’m learning to find the good and enjoy it.
It’s been humbling, learning to let go of so much anger and rage and control. I still have lashings of it, but I’m learning to detach and stay in my lane and lay my crowns down at the feet of a universe that I don’t understand but I realize has more control than I do, and that’s okay.