I Didn't Realize You Wrote Such Bloody Awful Prose

[silent_and_gray]

He slowly ran his fingers through her long black hair, which wasn't really black because she used Preference by L'Oreal to color it (because "she was worth it"); her carrot-colored roots were starting to show, and it reminded him of the time he'd covered his car's check engine light with black electrical tape, but a faint orange glow still shone around the edges.

Welcome to the annual Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction awards.   Finally, something I have a shot at winning (although the contestants here are trying to be awful.)