(no subject)
I give up... I can't make anyone happy... I never have... Im pathetic... I feel so sorry for all my friends.. especially jeff... he puts up with most of my shit... and busts his money just to call me... every night... I feel.. like my hearts been ripped out and smashed into a thousand peices... and just jammed back into the hole it was in... and its bringing me closer to my suicide... my last memory of everything... before breaking down...
at the moment... its killing me just to live... knowing that everything I do will never be good enough for any of you... knowing I can never repay any of the kindness and love that most everyone has brought upon me...
I haven't cut since one night ago... and I wish I had pushed deeper... because doing that I would have rid everyone I know and pass the pain and hurt i have put them through... everything is just an effort to me... and its worse then before.. I know the ends so close... alot of people do... but I cant hurt jeff.. he really does care about me... and how the other night he told me the day I met him he was planning to kill himself... as I was... and we had both said our goodbyes... wrote the note... done everything we had to do... and then we had decided to sit in the park and talk... I know it sounds strange... but so does a teenager buying the "sharpest" knife they can find... so we talked.. and then we started crying... and in the end just hugged for hours... and talked... and I guess... I've been hanging on for him...
I feel sorry for those who read this... but yea... I suppose I should go...
cassie
at the moment... its killing me just to live... knowing that everything I do will never be good enough for any of you... knowing I can never repay any of the kindness and love that most everyone has brought upon me...
I haven't cut since one night ago... and I wish I had pushed deeper... because doing that I would have rid everyone I know and pass the pain and hurt i have put them through... everything is just an effort to me... and its worse then before.. I know the ends so close... alot of people do... but I cant hurt jeff.. he really does care about me... and how the other night he told me the day I met him he was planning to kill himself... as I was... and we had both said our goodbyes... wrote the note... done everything we had to do... and then we had decided to sit in the park and talk... I know it sounds strange... but so does a teenager buying the "sharpest" knife they can find... so we talked.. and then we started crying... and in the end just hugged for hours... and talked... and I guess... I've been hanging on for him...
I feel sorry for those who read this... but yea... I suppose I should go...
cassie