(no subject)
I love it how I come here the second I feel lost. I love it how this journal can't question why I do what I do, or ever help me, give me advice. There is no advice for stupidity. You are what you are, and if you're stupid, you're stupid. There is no cure for the disease that I have, other than time and growth. There is no solution for getting what I want I either get it or I don't. I'm here for someone that gives a shit. Someone sincere and who will actually care if I am sincere. I realize that I'm in every relationship just to be there. Just for the simple satisfaction that I am. And daily, hourly, I question why I do this to myself without an answer. Why I really do not know. Because I care? Because I hope? Because I'm pathetic. The only solution I can find is to just not care, but when you tell someone sensitive to just not care, things get confusing. There are times when I just can't help but to throw all my strengh away, and become the dirt in my eyes that they already see me as. The ground that supports their feet. The caring comes out in one heavy wave, and I feel myself falling. If I knew that my whole world was a fake, one big game, then I would be careless. What is it about me that makes me so undesireable? What is it about people that find me undesireable desireable? And this is what we call love. The game of uncaring. We love what doesn't love us. We're strong and we're loved but when we're weak we're UNDESIREABLE. Everytime I breathe I feel so many things. If I know so much about me, then why can't I make me happy? I am all alone.