So, this is what it means...
...to be going through the motions. I would say that I am becoming numb, but numb doesn't hurt this god damned bad. I have worked so hard to be watching it all just drift away.
I am holding on to my children's laughter. I think that is all I have left. I know I haven't cracked yet. I know I haven't. When I crack, I stop thinking. I am still typing. So, that means I am still thinking.
What's the point of sleep? It's a waste of time. I just lay there, listening to snoring. Watching the smoke detector light blinking green above my head. Trying to not hurt, physically, emotionally. But, it's bullshit. Since I do that more than I actually sleep, it seems a waste of time that I could be doing something else.
I don't know where this all went wrong.
PLus, I think I have tinnitus. It sucks.
I am holding on to my children's laughter. I think that is all I have left. I know I haven't cracked yet. I know I haven't. When I crack, I stop thinking. I am still typing. So, that means I am still thinking.
What's the point of sleep? It's a waste of time. I just lay there, listening to snoring. Watching the smoke detector light blinking green above my head. Trying to not hurt, physically, emotionally. But, it's bullshit. Since I do that more than I actually sleep, it seems a waste of time that I could be doing something else.
I don't know where this all went wrong.
PLus, I think I have tinnitus. It sucks.