LOG; clementine + ambroctipus; im like camels u cant see it coming
Who; Ambrosius and Clementine
What; Ambrosius makes a long distance phonecall to the UK to order Clementine to stop trolling his online vampire coven.
When; TWO YEARS AGO ALWKEJAKWEAW
Ambrosius arrived home from another terrible day of highschool and crawled underneath of his bed to cuddle with his dead cat and unwind. Then he took a shower, because his hair smelled like toilet due to his head having been shoved into a toilet by his muscular lab partner. Then he smushed a plate of Aunt Jactina's blood cookies against the wall. Only after this did he feel sensual enough to log-in to his web domain of nearly six years: The Coven.
Immediately, he frowned. Usernames Kyrios and Stripes714 were at it again. Trolling. They were harassing other members on the forum, posting stupid pictures drawn in MS Paint, and replying with comments like "im like camels u cant see it coming" to all of his polite emails asking for more respectful behavior. They had been tormenting him and his sanctuary for years.
Something had to be done. And something would be done. Using the IP address information he, as adminstrator of the site, was entitled to, tracking down the home addresses and phone numbers of the trolls was simple. Ambrosius flipped open his cellphone and dialed the unfamiliar looking number... they certainly didn't live in Lisbon.
A girl's voice answered.
"Hello, Kyrios," said Ambrosius in his smoothest, most sensual voice. "This is Ambrosius, leader of the Coven."
"Oh, hello, Ambroctipus," answered back Clementine, without missing a beat. "Rather clever of you, ringing me all the way from your lair after tracking down my IP address, or something of the sort. Anyway, what shall I do for you today? Do you want me to send you a vampiric camel from London? You can't see them coming for miles, I promise."
Ambrosius huffed angrily. "Well, Kyrios, you don't know much about vampires if you think a camel can be a vampire. How misinformed you are. There are information portals all over the Coven to prevent this sort of ignorance, but I suppose you ignore the information portals that I have worked so hard to set up, hm?" Ambrosius paused to fan himself with his cravat. He was getting rather heated. "I have called to order you as leader of the Coven to cease your childish trolling immediately. I--"
A single tear slid down his cheek... quickly, he squirted red food coloring onto it to make it appear as though a tear of blood.
"I'll tell my Aunt Jacinta on you, so help me God."
She giggled, a sound that would have been cute if it wasn't... her doing it. It was the giggle of a psychotic little girl who could rip her head off and throw it at people.
"What's she going to do? She's gonna do nothing. If this was a gang, you'd be dead. If this was a gang, Jacinta would be dead."
Actually, if it were a gang they'd all be dead except for Lil' Shine and Tupac. But no one knew that yet.
"She will talk your mom and tell her what a naughty girl you are," insisted Ambrosius, although he was feeling quite intimidated at this point. Kyrios had once claimed to be a vampire, and now he knew her voice was cold and cruel... perhaps she really was a vampire?
Ambrosius trembled. "Are you a vampire?"
"I'm perfect. And Mother would always choose me over an internet stalker. I always knew you were some sort of pathetic internet predator. This phone call just proves it," she replied arrogantly.
"You've no idea who you're dealing with, do you, Ambroctipus." She played a short recording of chainsaws being revved up, before shrieking began to play in the background.
Ambrosius clutched the cell phone, enraptured. Such sensual noises could only mean one thing.
"What is going on over there?" demanded Ambrosius. "Are you participating in an orgy while speaking to me on the phone??" He paused to inhale sharply. "My God. How sensual."
He quickly sat down into his bed before he fainted and knocked his head on the bedpost. He wouldn't wake up for hours.
Well. Passed out, had he?
Clementine hung up, feeling rather smug, before making a note to look up that phone number, post it to the internet, and have people rickroll Ambrosius. And while she was at it, she'd block that number from ever calling again.
For the next two years, Ambrosius' cellphone was trolled mercilessly with recordings of Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up and several death threats.
And then Merry made Clementine's HTML font the color of shit :)
What; Ambrosius makes a long distance phonecall to the UK to order Clementine to stop trolling his online vampire coven.
When; TWO YEARS AGO ALWKEJAKWEAW
Ambrosius arrived home from another terrible day of highschool and crawled underneath of his bed to cuddle with his dead cat and unwind. Then he took a shower, because his hair smelled like toilet due to his head having been shoved into a toilet by his muscular lab partner. Then he smushed a plate of Aunt Jactina's blood cookies against the wall. Only after this did he feel sensual enough to log-in to his web domain of nearly six years: The Coven.
Immediately, he frowned. Usernames Kyrios and Stripes714 were at it again. Trolling. They were harassing other members on the forum, posting stupid pictures drawn in MS Paint, and replying with comments like "im like camels u cant see it coming" to all of his polite emails asking for more respectful behavior. They had been tormenting him and his sanctuary for years.
Something had to be done. And something would be done. Using the IP address information he, as adminstrator of the site, was entitled to, tracking down the home addresses and phone numbers of the trolls was simple. Ambrosius flipped open his cellphone and dialed the unfamiliar looking number... they certainly didn't live in Lisbon.
A girl's voice answered.
"Hello, Kyrios," said Ambrosius in his smoothest, most sensual voice. "This is Ambrosius, leader of the Coven."
"Oh, hello, Ambroctipus," answered back Clementine, without missing a beat. "Rather clever of you, ringing me all the way from your lair after tracking down my IP address, or something of the sort. Anyway, what shall I do for you today? Do you want me to send you a vampiric camel from London? You can't see them coming for miles, I promise."
Ambrosius huffed angrily. "Well, Kyrios, you don't know much about vampires if you think a camel can be a vampire. How misinformed you are. There are information portals all over the Coven to prevent this sort of ignorance, but I suppose you ignore the information portals that I have worked so hard to set up, hm?" Ambrosius paused to fan himself with his cravat. He was getting rather heated. "I have called to order you as leader of the Coven to cease your childish trolling immediately. I--"
A single tear slid down his cheek... quickly, he squirted red food coloring onto it to make it appear as though a tear of blood.
"I'll tell my Aunt Jacinta on you, so help me God."
She giggled, a sound that would have been cute if it wasn't... her doing it. It was the giggle of a psychotic little girl who could rip her head off and throw it at people.
"What's she going to do? She's gonna do nothing. If this was a gang, you'd be dead. If this was a gang, Jacinta would be dead."
Actually, if it were a gang they'd all be dead except for Lil' Shine and Tupac. But no one knew that yet.
"She will talk your mom and tell her what a naughty girl you are," insisted Ambrosius, although he was feeling quite intimidated at this point. Kyrios had once claimed to be a vampire, and now he knew her voice was cold and cruel... perhaps she really was a vampire?
Ambrosius trembled. "Are you a vampire?"
"I'm perfect. And Mother would always choose me over an internet stalker. I always knew you were some sort of pathetic internet predator. This phone call just proves it," she replied arrogantly.
"You've no idea who you're dealing with, do you, Ambroctipus." She played a short recording of chainsaws being revved up, before shrieking began to play in the background.
Ambrosius clutched the cell phone, enraptured. Such sensual noises could only mean one thing.
"What is going on over there?" demanded Ambrosius. "Are you participating in an orgy while speaking to me on the phone??" He paused to inhale sharply. "My God. How sensual."
He quickly sat down into his bed before he fainted and knocked his head on the bedpost. He wouldn't wake up for hours.
Well. Passed out, had he?
Clementine hung up, feeling rather smug, before making a note to look up that phone number, post it to the internet, and have people rickroll Ambrosius. And while she was at it, she'd block that number from ever calling again.
For the next two years, Ambrosius' cellphone was trolled mercilessly with recordings of Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up and several death threats.
And then Merry made Clementine's HTML font the color of shit :)