empathetic vent
So... everyone around me is having a crappy day.
Well. Not exactly crappy. And not exactly everyone.
But my parents for example.
My oldest aunt (my dad's oldest sister) is in New Orleans right now, and a few months ago she had a stroke. From what I can gather through the language boundaries, she had another stroke and she's in cardiac arrest...?
I'm not ridiculously close to my aunt (not really close to any of my relatives, other than sisters and a few cousins) so it's not particularly affecting me... but my parents, as well as the rest of my family.
My mother is really worried because she's just as empathetic and I am, and she's especially worried because my grandmother went to Texas a while ago to take care of my aunt the first time around. And my mom is already stressed out about Scott and Cindy flying in on Sunday with the two girls. My father is REALLY upset... Not like he's crying or anything but I can tell. He's taking my advice and going out to New Orleans tomorrow...
More and more news keeps trickling in about it, and I'm just so worried... I just don't know what to do.
And then Candie.
Candie's been having dating issues for who knows how long, overcomplicated by Johnny... and now, after all this time he's BEGGING to come back. Mind you, I really haven't been fond of this dating drama for months and months, everyone who has talked to me about it has known my frustration. So honestly, I just wish Candie could figure out something that doesn't involve her hurting so badly...
I really hate seeing one of my best friends struggle through dating chaos that resembles my own. And the fact that he's begging for her back, now that she's trying to date someone else and trying to set her life straight... well, you know. It's really hard to watch.
Another example is John. (I know you might read this and please don't take this the wrong way...)
John's having issues with finding a job, which almost everyone I know who isn't over 20 has had issues with. I'm really lucky in that my parents don't want me to get one if it jeopardizes my studying, and that they still are willing to pay for things (although I do have a LOT of guilt over this and do what I can to help). Even more than that, if I DID want a job, all I have to do is ask to be in one of the work study labs like the Writing Lab.
It's really sucky to see yet another friend I care about deal with this. I know what it's like to not be able to write an amazing resume to blow people out of the water because of lack of experience, and I realize how difficult it is for people to find jobs.
It's the worst, to see John in a bad mood... because he's my bulwark and I'm his, but when it comes to something like this, I don't know what to say. I haven't been in a relationship in a long time (take that as you will), and I'm very used to closing myself off when I'm upset; I'm used to handling it on my own.
I'm not saying that I think he should, but I feel bad because it's like I'm so used to being independent that I don't know how to help others as well as I did before, especially in intimate relationships. I can tell he's been in a bad mood these last few days (or maybe I'm just projecting yesterday's bad mood onto him? I am still guilty about the fact that I had gotten upset when he didn't know I was in a bad mood) but I feel bad because I could be such a better bulwark than I am now and lately... With John it's a bit more complicated than the rest but it's still really crappy ._.
And it just sucks, because it's not like I'm having a particularly bad day - I had a lot of fun in class, it was a really good lecture (with a 15 minute tangent on if animals are capable of language or not) and it was really eye-opening, the kind of lectures I love and live for and hope to teach. AND I got an 87 on my in class essay, which I'm really proud of.
I have had a few sad thoughts here and there... Professor Click mentioned Michael's death which a BUNCH of people, not just me, went "awwww ;-;" at; I had thought about Derek and Adam in depth (not just a fleeting thought, which happens) for the first time in a while; I had yet another nightmare last night.
But it wasn't disastrously bad. And it makes ME feel bad, because I honestly just... don't know what to do. To help, in any which way or form. I've given Candie as much as advice as possible about Johnny. I've told my dad he should go to New Orleans and he is tomorrow. I don't know HOW to give job advice because there's just not a lot you can do about it except keep trying and hearing that over and over again gets so old because it's the basic job advice, you know? And beyond advice, I never know how to help...
Ugh, rereading this makes me sound like I'm trying to call attention to myself :\
but in all honesty I just want to help so badly... take it all away for the people I care about. It feels just as bad if not worse than if I had a bad day myself, because I don't know how to cheer people up or give advice or anything. I never feel like I've been good at that. It feels so bad I just want to shut myself away or something... to stop getting in the way. All I've been really doing about it is just not talking a lot and hugging Khodi and trying to not start crying out of empathy to make things worse.
Empathy is such a difficult emotion to deal with... ._.
Well. Not exactly crappy. And not exactly everyone.
But my parents for example.
My oldest aunt (my dad's oldest sister) is in New Orleans right now, and a few months ago she had a stroke. From what I can gather through the language boundaries, she had another stroke and she's in cardiac arrest...?
I'm not ridiculously close to my aunt (not really close to any of my relatives, other than sisters and a few cousins) so it's not particularly affecting me... but my parents, as well as the rest of my family.
My mother is really worried because she's just as empathetic and I am, and she's especially worried because my grandmother went to Texas a while ago to take care of my aunt the first time around. And my mom is already stressed out about Scott and Cindy flying in on Sunday with the two girls. My father is REALLY upset... Not like he's crying or anything but I can tell. He's taking my advice and going out to New Orleans tomorrow...
More and more news keeps trickling in about it, and I'm just so worried... I just don't know what to do.
And then Candie.
Candie's been having dating issues for who knows how long, overcomplicated by Johnny... and now, after all this time he's BEGGING to come back. Mind you, I really haven't been fond of this dating drama for months and months, everyone who has talked to me about it has known my frustration. So honestly, I just wish Candie could figure out something that doesn't involve her hurting so badly...
I really hate seeing one of my best friends struggle through dating chaos that resembles my own. And the fact that he's begging for her back, now that she's trying to date someone else and trying to set her life straight... well, you know. It's really hard to watch.
Another example is John. (I know you might read this and please don't take this the wrong way...)
John's having issues with finding a job, which almost everyone I know who isn't over 20 has had issues with. I'm really lucky in that my parents don't want me to get one if it jeopardizes my studying, and that they still are willing to pay for things (although I do have a LOT of guilt over this and do what I can to help). Even more than that, if I DID want a job, all I have to do is ask to be in one of the work study labs like the Writing Lab.
It's really sucky to see yet another friend I care about deal with this. I know what it's like to not be able to write an amazing resume to blow people out of the water because of lack of experience, and I realize how difficult it is for people to find jobs.
It's the worst, to see John in a bad mood... because he's my bulwark and I'm his, but when it comes to something like this, I don't know what to say. I haven't been in a relationship in a long time (take that as you will), and I'm very used to closing myself off when I'm upset; I'm used to handling it on my own.
I'm not saying that I think he should, but I feel bad because it's like I'm so used to being independent that I don't know how to help others as well as I did before, especially in intimate relationships. I can tell he's been in a bad mood these last few days (or maybe I'm just projecting yesterday's bad mood onto him? I am still guilty about the fact that I had gotten upset when he didn't know I was in a bad mood) but I feel bad because I could be such a better bulwark than I am now and lately... With John it's a bit more complicated than the rest but it's still really crappy ._.
And it just sucks, because it's not like I'm having a particularly bad day - I had a lot of fun in class, it was a really good lecture (with a 15 minute tangent on if animals are capable of language or not) and it was really eye-opening, the kind of lectures I love and live for and hope to teach. AND I got an 87 on my in class essay, which I'm really proud of.
I have had a few sad thoughts here and there... Professor Click mentioned Michael's death which a BUNCH of people, not just me, went "awwww ;-;" at; I had thought about Derek and Adam in depth (not just a fleeting thought, which happens) for the first time in a while; I had yet another nightmare last night.
But it wasn't disastrously bad. And it makes ME feel bad, because I honestly just... don't know what to do. To help, in any which way or form. I've given Candie as much as advice as possible about Johnny. I've told my dad he should go to New Orleans and he is tomorrow. I don't know HOW to give job advice because there's just not a lot you can do about it except keep trying and hearing that over and over again gets so old because it's the basic job advice, you know? And beyond advice, I never know how to help...
Ugh, rereading this makes me sound like I'm trying to call attention to myself :\
but in all honesty I just want to help so badly... take it all away for the people I care about. It feels just as bad if not worse than if I had a bad day myself, because I don't know how to cheer people up or give advice or anything. I never feel like I've been good at that. It feels so bad I just want to shut myself away or something... to stop getting in the way. All I've been really doing about it is just not talking a lot and hugging Khodi and trying to not start crying out of empathy to make things worse.
Empathy is such a difficult emotion to deal with... ._.