New Year
So apparently it does turn out that I only randomly remember this blog once a year. And that's fine, I guess. I post more to my blog on tumblr anyway.
Wrapping 2013 up, here's what I have to say: it was definitely a bizarre year. Started off with my not being sure if Matt and I were going to make it, since he was so terrified of what my moving to Memphis would mean for us. It took a few months for him to finally talk to me about this, but we worked it all out. He wanted to stay in Starkville, but I was moving home regardless. Breaking up had never really crossed my mind until he started acting weird and distant, so naturally, I figured he was going to break up with me.
I thank the stars every single day that he didn't.
I moved home the last week of July, and honestly, for the most part, living with my dad and my stepmom has not been as bad as I thought it might be. Sure, we've had a few fights (mostly over Zoso because she is energetic and sheds an ungodly amount in the space of a day) but for the most part it has been fine. They do their thing; I do mine. Sometimes we're all home at the same time and will watch the end of a movie or something.
Annie got married in August, and the wedding was gorgeous and so much fun! I cried like a fucking baby during the ceremony. I think I gave Rachel a run for her money to be honest. And of course, the reception was wonderful and mostly fun. (Matt was a bit of a turd because he didn't really know anyone and was really self-conscious about the fact that he is not the greatest dancer but that does not matter in the slightest to me. He danced a good bit with me on New Year's Eve, so I think he's getting over it.)
The long distance thing started off a bit rocky, if I remember correctly. I remember visiting him in Starkville and he got very upset over something I did, telling me that he'd been cheated on in the past and that none of his past relationships had ever ended on his terms. At the time, my immediate reaction was to be a bit defensive and angry with him - how dare he feel scared that I would hurt him - but I also remember tearing up a bit because he so rarely opens up to me like that. It was sweet, and endearing, and... God I am so in love with him. I had to remind him that after what Tyler did to me, how he treated me, that I would never, ever do that to anyone. Least of all, him. I think regularly visiting each other, talking to each other constantly, and even having movie dates really helped. New Year's Eve he was in town and a friend of ours (one of my sister's exes, who is fucking awesome) played a show, so we went. Just after midnight, I kissed Eric on the cheek, and was a little drunk, so I told Matt and asked if he was okay with it, because I didn't want it to start any suspicion or a fight. He said that he "trusts me completely." And that, to me, was a huge fucking thing. I almost cried.
He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and it still freaks me out when he does things like that. For whatever reason, I still do not feel like I deserve someone to love me so much, or to be so sweet to me.
And that leads me into what has been going on with my sister lately. She and I agreed to move in together, with Matt, and we finally returned the lease and got our keys to the house this week. It has been fucking hell trying to get this house. I was the one who looked at it - Matt was not in town and Emily was working the night I walked through it. So first Emily and I got into a fight about the surprise pet deposit the landlord added to the lease, even though Ragan told me there wasn't one. Yes, the dog is mine, so I would be the one paying it. But that does not mean that refusing to pay it because I was told there was not going to be one does not make me ridiculous. Nor did looking at a back-up place, just in case. I actually feel like that was a relatively smart decision. But yesterday we got the keys and today Emily started moving in furniture. Immediately throws a fit to have the bedroom and bathroom I had told her I was going to take (I showed her all the pictures and she asked me which room would be hers, so I told her - even asked if she was cool with it) because now she's seen it in person and agreements made over photos don't count. Literally laughs in my face and tells me she's going to move her bed and things into the room she wants and that I can't stop her. Because she's paid less than a third of the deposit, while I paid for Matt's portion of it. Though, to be honest, I would have been more comfortable with the whole thing being my money so that I didn't have to divvy it up. So today marked the second time I told her she could have that $300 back and find her own goddamned place because I wasn't playing this power game with her. All her life she has intimidated people into doing what she wants them to do, and usually, it works.
I'll freely admit to being a doormat for 80% of my life. Before today, my mom had warned me that I would need to stand up to my sister and speak up for myself. So I did. And suddenly that makes me a dictator and unfair. Because I refused to toss a coin for something that we had already agreed was fine. My mom and I got into it; Matt backed me up because he knows how Emily is and that if I backed down, over the course of the next year, it would snowball. I love him for that. It only took over 3 hours, but Emily let it go.
But now that means my sister, with our mother's encouragement, wants to split the house down the middle as far as decorating is concerned. The house used to be a duplex, so there is a wall straight down the middle and just about everything is identical. It's fucking ridiculous, and I told her as much. I tried to talk her out of it, kept telling her I didn't want to start another fight, but I was curious why she wanted to do it that way. I mean, if you are going to take it that far, why not just go get your own fucking place?! The furniture she and my mom moved in today was all given to me, too. Em has nothing to her name except her clothes and makeup, and a bed and an armoire. That's it.
Pretty hard to decorate without any furniture.
2014 is off to a great start. Here's hoping that Matt, Emily and I can all live together without one of us getting arrested on murder charges. Because, guess what? I'm not playing this game for a whole fucking year.
Wrapping 2013 up, here's what I have to say: it was definitely a bizarre year. Started off with my not being sure if Matt and I were going to make it, since he was so terrified of what my moving to Memphis would mean for us. It took a few months for him to finally talk to me about this, but we worked it all out. He wanted to stay in Starkville, but I was moving home regardless. Breaking up had never really crossed my mind until he started acting weird and distant, so naturally, I figured he was going to break up with me.
I thank the stars every single day that he didn't.
I moved home the last week of July, and honestly, for the most part, living with my dad and my stepmom has not been as bad as I thought it might be. Sure, we've had a few fights (mostly over Zoso because she is energetic and sheds an ungodly amount in the space of a day) but for the most part it has been fine. They do their thing; I do mine. Sometimes we're all home at the same time and will watch the end of a movie or something.
Annie got married in August, and the wedding was gorgeous and so much fun! I cried like a fucking baby during the ceremony. I think I gave Rachel a run for her money to be honest. And of course, the reception was wonderful and mostly fun. (Matt was a bit of a turd because he didn't really know anyone and was really self-conscious about the fact that he is not the greatest dancer but that does not matter in the slightest to me. He danced a good bit with me on New Year's Eve, so I think he's getting over it.)
The long distance thing started off a bit rocky, if I remember correctly. I remember visiting him in Starkville and he got very upset over something I did, telling me that he'd been cheated on in the past and that none of his past relationships had ever ended on his terms. At the time, my immediate reaction was to be a bit defensive and angry with him - how dare he feel scared that I would hurt him - but I also remember tearing up a bit because he so rarely opens up to me like that. It was sweet, and endearing, and... God I am so in love with him. I had to remind him that after what Tyler did to me, how he treated me, that I would never, ever do that to anyone. Least of all, him. I think regularly visiting each other, talking to each other constantly, and even having movie dates really helped. New Year's Eve he was in town and a friend of ours (one of my sister's exes, who is fucking awesome) played a show, so we went. Just after midnight, I kissed Eric on the cheek, and was a little drunk, so I told Matt and asked if he was okay with it, because I didn't want it to start any suspicion or a fight. He said that he "trusts me completely." And that, to me, was a huge fucking thing. I almost cried.
He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and it still freaks me out when he does things like that. For whatever reason, I still do not feel like I deserve someone to love me so much, or to be so sweet to me.
And that leads me into what has been going on with my sister lately. She and I agreed to move in together, with Matt, and we finally returned the lease and got our keys to the house this week. It has been fucking hell trying to get this house. I was the one who looked at it - Matt was not in town and Emily was working the night I walked through it. So first Emily and I got into a fight about the surprise pet deposit the landlord added to the lease, even though Ragan told me there wasn't one. Yes, the dog is mine, so I would be the one paying it. But that does not mean that refusing to pay it because I was told there was not going to be one does not make me ridiculous. Nor did looking at a back-up place, just in case. I actually feel like that was a relatively smart decision. But yesterday we got the keys and today Emily started moving in furniture. Immediately throws a fit to have the bedroom and bathroom I had told her I was going to take (I showed her all the pictures and she asked me which room would be hers, so I told her - even asked if she was cool with it) because now she's seen it in person and agreements made over photos don't count. Literally laughs in my face and tells me she's going to move her bed and things into the room she wants and that I can't stop her. Because she's paid less than a third of the deposit, while I paid for Matt's portion of it. Though, to be honest, I would have been more comfortable with the whole thing being my money so that I didn't have to divvy it up. So today marked the second time I told her she could have that $300 back and find her own goddamned place because I wasn't playing this power game with her. All her life she has intimidated people into doing what she wants them to do, and usually, it works.
I'll freely admit to being a doormat for 80% of my life. Before today, my mom had warned me that I would need to stand up to my sister and speak up for myself. So I did. And suddenly that makes me a dictator and unfair. Because I refused to toss a coin for something that we had already agreed was fine. My mom and I got into it; Matt backed me up because he knows how Emily is and that if I backed down, over the course of the next year, it would snowball. I love him for that. It only took over 3 hours, but Emily let it go.
But now that means my sister, with our mother's encouragement, wants to split the house down the middle as far as decorating is concerned. The house used to be a duplex, so there is a wall straight down the middle and just about everything is identical. It's fucking ridiculous, and I told her as much. I tried to talk her out of it, kept telling her I didn't want to start another fight, but I was curious why she wanted to do it that way. I mean, if you are going to take it that far, why not just go get your own fucking place?! The furniture she and my mom moved in today was all given to me, too. Em has nothing to her name except her clothes and makeup, and a bed and an armoire. That's it.
Pretty hard to decorate without any furniture.
2014 is off to a great start. Here's hoping that Matt, Emily and I can all live together without one of us getting arrested on murder charges. Because, guess what? I'm not playing this game for a whole fucking year.