(no subject)
I am such a stupid and selfish human being.
I thought I would be okay with going to the house for their bid day party last night... but the fraternity has grown into something completely different than what I've known for three years, and I cannot stand to be around it. The guys I've known for all that time are still fine, but the new boys, and the new crop of drunken sluts... I'm too old to enjoy being around them.
Not to mention having to watch Tyler be entirely too drunk and horny, and all over any other girl who so much as smiles at him. I really thought I would be okay, but I almost threw up. I literally had to drag him out of the house. And now I've been anxious and jealous and upset all day today. I know he was upset about hearing that I have other boys I sleep with but hearing about it and having to see it are entirely different things. And I really wish I hadn't seen what I did.
I know I have literally no right to be acting and feeling this way considering my past actions and things I said to him about what I've been doing, but... I just can't help myself around him. And when I'm around him, I still want him to be entirely mine.
God, I just want to be sick...
I thought I would be okay with going to the house for their bid day party last night... but the fraternity has grown into something completely different than what I've known for three years, and I cannot stand to be around it. The guys I've known for all that time are still fine, but the new boys, and the new crop of drunken sluts... I'm too old to enjoy being around them.
Not to mention having to watch Tyler be entirely too drunk and horny, and all over any other girl who so much as smiles at him. I really thought I would be okay, but I almost threw up. I literally had to drag him out of the house. And now I've been anxious and jealous and upset all day today. I know he was upset about hearing that I have other boys I sleep with but hearing about it and having to see it are entirely different things. And I really wish I hadn't seen what I did.
I know I have literally no right to be acting and feeling this way considering my past actions and things I said to him about what I've been doing, but... I just can't help myself around him. And when I'm around him, I still want him to be entirely mine.
God, I just want to be sick...