Beware the thoughts
So it's Tuesday night, well actually it's Wednesday morning, but that doesn't matter because I no longer have to worry about getting up early. This year the terrible thing that I've been worrying about since October of 2009 happened. H@llmark laid me off in a staff reduction. I have been fortunate enough to get some severance, but eventually I will have to face the fact that I've still got well over half of my mortgage to pay. The year got off to a decent enough start. March and Planet Comicon came quickly and was tons of fun. I made a great Maleficent costume. But not long after Planet Comicon, we got the word that by June the creative division would once again be reduced, this time by 200 people. Yeah an email like that is great for morale. After that every time a situation came up where we were making plans for later in the year it was always predicated with "If I'm still here." Memorial Day weekend came, and with it, Horse and Falcon, a yearly SCA even that we camp at. It rained, a lot. When the weekend was over, it was a short week, only 4 days. Monday of the next week came word that emails would be sent setting up a "meeting" with us to tell us we no longer had a job. I was one who received one of the fated emails. No one could believe that my meeting was going to be to lay me off. People were saying they had heard that some of the meetings were to move remaining people around to fill in the holes. I was less optimistic. In the past, they didn't worry about stuff like that until after the laid off people were gone. My meeting wasn't until the afternoon. I knew others who's meetings were early. After talking to one of these people my last little shred of hope disappeared. And when my meeting time came, of course I was still not ready for it. A former boss and good friend of mine had to do the official firing. When she left, the HR rep. mentioned that she had spoken about how hard it was going to be to let me go. It was a bad time. I had one week left. I kept working and did my best to tie up my loose ends. I procrastinated taking my stuff home until the last day. It was very depressing and surreal. I cried...a lot. And it was extra weird because just two days after my last day was Lilies War, another SCA camping event, this one a week long. It was a strange Lilies, due to some of our most important friends not being there, but it was still fun. I did my best to forget my situation for just one week, but sometimes at night reality crept back in on me and I wound up crying myself to sleep a few nights. When it was over I was once again saddened because I didn't want to deal with reality. My friends and family have been excellent therapy. After the initial shock and depression subsided, I have become intensely happy. It's weird but the job had been getting me down for a very long time. I was really burned out. I didn't really want to leave it, because the money was too good. But now that I'm out, a weight has been lifted. I have actually been having some serious fun the past couple of weeks, especially with some severe weather. I have bought a new computer and am in the process of setting it up so I can do some of my own artwork, for my portfolio and possibly for sale. I really would like to try to make a go of selling my own art. My ultimate goal, to out "Lisa Frank" Lisa Frank herself. That hack.
I realized that in the last post I was so upset about something that happened that I failed to mention something else very important. In November my friends and I went to Orlando and Anna Maria Island, Florida. The trip got off to a rocky start, as I contracted a terrible cold. I tried to make a Dr's appointment, but I had no time. The first few days of our trip were centered around Disney and Universal parks, but a combination of being terribly sick AND getting my period made that part just so much fun. It actually was fun, although challenging. During this time it became quite apparent that I was in fact terribly sick and wasn't going to get better without meds. My first day on Anna Maria island was spent at a clinic. The meds worked quickly to reduce my symptoms to a level that allowed me to have fun. Being November, the weather was barely tolerable for being at the beach, but the house and the beach were both so awesome, it just didn't matter. I was very surprised at the effect the island and the beach had on me. I wanted to stay.....more than I've ever wanted to stay anywhere that I've been. Possibly even more that Yosemite. So much so that the last couple of days I would literally have mini panic attacks thinking about coming home only to sit in that bloody cubicle staring at a computer screen all day. I think that was the beginning of the end for me and I know I can trace my unemployment back to that moment. The last little bit of care that I had about making any extra effort at work was gone. I did my job and I did it very satisfactorily, if not exactly quickly. Before we went on vacation I accepted a position that took me away from monitoring the outsourced work in India, something that I knew would open me up for getting laid off. After all I'd done for the place though, I thought I was safe for at least one more reduction. I really didn't think they'd do it only 6 months after I left that position. None of my friends and coworkers could either. Even my workers in India were surprised. Anyway, the beach has since colored everything I do. I love the color schemes, I love the icons, I love the lifestyle. At times I really wish I wasn't so ingrained in Kansas City. I still wonder what it would take for me to be able tospend more time sitting on the beach of a tiny island off the Gulf Coast of Florida. Tomorrow I think I will buy some lottery tickets.
I realized that in the last post I was so upset about something that happened that I failed to mention something else very important. In November my friends and I went to Orlando and Anna Maria Island, Florida. The trip got off to a rocky start, as I contracted a terrible cold. I tried to make a Dr's appointment, but I had no time. The first few days of our trip were centered around Disney and Universal parks, but a combination of being terribly sick AND getting my period made that part just so much fun. It actually was fun, although challenging. During this time it became quite apparent that I was in fact terribly sick and wasn't going to get better without meds. My first day on Anna Maria island was spent at a clinic. The meds worked quickly to reduce my symptoms to a level that allowed me to have fun. Being November, the weather was barely tolerable for being at the beach, but the house and the beach were both so awesome, it just didn't matter. I was very surprised at the effect the island and the beach had on me. I wanted to stay.....more than I've ever wanted to stay anywhere that I've been. Possibly even more that Yosemite. So much so that the last couple of days I would literally have mini panic attacks thinking about coming home only to sit in that bloody cubicle staring at a computer screen all day. I think that was the beginning of the end for me and I know I can trace my unemployment back to that moment. The last little bit of care that I had about making any extra effort at work was gone. I did my job and I did it very satisfactorily, if not exactly quickly. Before we went on vacation I accepted a position that took me away from monitoring the outsourced work in India, something that I knew would open me up for getting laid off. After all I'd done for the place though, I thought I was safe for at least one more reduction. I really didn't think they'd do it only 6 months after I left that position. None of my friends and coworkers could either. Even my workers in India were surprised. Anyway, the beach has since colored everything I do. I love the color schemes, I love the icons, I love the lifestyle. At times I really wish I wasn't so ingrained in Kansas City. I still wonder what it would take for me to be able tospend more time sitting on the beach of a tiny island off the Gulf Coast of Florida. Tomorrow I think I will buy some lottery tickets.