Title: Every Hero Needs A Trophy
PG 15 maybe?
Spoilers for Journey's End
“So what was His Majesty complaining about this time?” Ianto asked as he finished mopping the gray goo from the Hub floor.
Gwen scoffed as she closed her phone, bent back over her task and took up the rag Ianto’d given her. “Himself thinks it’s a personal insult that UNIT won't give him a ship when British Rail isn’t working. Should be here in about six hours.”
“Even British Rail gets an off day when the Earth’s moved galaxies,” Ianto commented. He dropped the mop in the bucket and grabbed the Windex and a fist of paper towels. Moving to the nearest wall, he shook his head at the mess.
“It’ll take hours to get it all off the walls,” he sighed. He poked the goo. “It’s starting to harden.”
“Thought you’d been an expert at this,” Gwen said. Ianto just looked at her, brows furrowed.
“What with all the sex,” she explained, gesturing with the rag towards Ianto then towards the battered sofa. “We all knew what you two got up to when we were out.”
“Well sure,” Ianto said, spraying the wall and attacking it with gusto. “Not like we ever mussed the wall though. How would that happen?”
Gwen laughed. “Why Ianto Jones! Are you telling me he’s never had you against the Archive wall?”
Ianto turned decidedly red around his ears. “The wall? No. The desk, the floor, inside this one room with the antigravity machine turned on….That was difficult at first.”
Gwen coughed. “Antigravity.”
Ianto nodded and mused. “Great ending, really great ending. But still, hard to get traction. One tough thrust and you end up halfway across the room. Or, in Jack’s case, the ceiling. That’s where the rope came in handy.”
Now it was Gwen’s turn to be embarrassed.
“Rope?” she squeaked.
Ianto nodded enthusiastically. “Avant Garde,” he breathed dreamily. “Great ending. Really great ending.”
Gwen just shook her head and finished polishing. “Think I’m done here,” she called.
Ianto glanced over at the gleaming metal. He nodded his approval. “I put a box of bin liners in the kitchenette.”
Gwen stood up and made her way to the kitchenette. Coming back, she knelt by the metal again.
“You sure this is a good idea?” she asked.
“Yup,” Ianto said as he moved to another now-crusty spot of gray goo on the wall.
“Where’d you learn to clean with ketchup?” Gwen asked, gesturing with her elbow to the empty bottle beside her.
“Promise not to laugh?” Ianto asked.
Gwen nodded.
“Before I was hired, I begged Jack to let me be anything. He hired me partly to keep things clean.” Ianto inspected his work, nodded, and moved to another area.
“Go on,” Gwen prompted, picking up more paper towels and coming over to help.
“Well, let’s be honest,” he began. “I was 24 when I asked for a job. I was relatively neat, but still. Male, me. “
“Ok,” she said slowly.
“I could do basic things, hoover, dust, mop. But the bigger stuff? Getting alien blood out of the SUV upholstery? So, after he hired me, I had a bit of time. Went to youtube. And, well…” Ianto turned away, looking decidedly shifty.
“It’s ok, Ianto. You can tell me,” Gwen murmured, doing her best to be Supportive Gwen. Didn’t usually happen with Ianto, mostly with Jack, but still. Best to make an effort.
“I downloaded three years of How Clean is Your House,” he responded, wincing.
“You what?!” Gwen shrieked. “Kim and Aggie?! No way! You’re such a girl!”
“Anyway…. That metal looked like brass, and apparently the acidity in ketchup cleans brass,” Ianto shrugged and turned away, moving to another bit of gray goo.
“Oh don’t you even try, Mr. Jones!” Gwen called after him. “I’m so using that as blackmail!”
6 Hours later -
Ianto sat on the battered sofa, running his fingers along a small burn mark. Tosh’d made that on her last birthday. Gotten drunk and dropped the candle from her cupcake.
He closed his eyes, lifted the glass of Glenfidditch, and breathed in the scent. God he got maudlin sometimes. His eyes snapped open at the sound of the Cog Door opening. He smiled as Jack stepped through.
“Honey, I’m home!” Jack laughed as he stretched out his arms towards Ianto.
“Hail the conquering hero,” Ianto muttered as he made his way over, stopping just shy of Jack.
“Aw come on, Ianto,” Jack said as he as Ianto looked at each other. “Here I am after battling Daleks and British Rail. Don’t I deserve a hug?”
Ianto laughed a bit. He stepped closer, fingering the dark circles under Jack’s eyes and the lines across his forehead. “You died,” he said softly.
“Only a few times,” Jack replied, just as softly.
“You came back. You had your Doctor, your Rose, Martha. Could have gone anywhere and anytime. Why come back to Cardiff?”
Jack pulled Ianto in, resting his chin on Ianto’s shoulder. His breath flitted across Ianto’s ear as he ran his fingers through Ianto’s hair.
“No choice, really. I thought about it, about what they meant to me. And you know what? The Doctor will be there later. You won’t. I’m here for as long as you are.”
Ianto pulled back to look Jack in the eye. “We’re Torchwood, Jack, and I’ve already served nearly four years. I might not be here for a long time.”
Jack cupped Ianto’s face and kissed him deeply. “Then let’s make the best of what we have.”
Ianto smiled and pushed Jack towards his office. “Stop being soppy. Go shower, oh conquering one. You reek. “
“Yes, dear,” Jack laughed as he bounced away. “Come and join me?”
Ianto nodded as Jack ran into his office. He sat back on the sofa, fingering the Glenfidditch. He counted silently - one, two, three, four…
“Ianto!” came Jack’s yell from his office. “Why the hell is there a Dalek-shaped trash can in my office?!”
Ianto laughed. “Every conquering hero needs a trophy sir!”