A Welsh Holiday, or, Jack and Ianto Tackle the Plumbing 1/7
Rating: This Chapter - 13. Whole story - 18.
Chapter 1: The Invitation
“So I was thinking,” Jack began, sauntering over to Ianto as he sat at the Tourist Office desk. He sat gingerly on the edge, knowing full well how much Ianto hated having to get arse-prints off the shiny wood.
“Oh dear lord, save me now,” Ianto muttered, closing his eyes and shaking his head as he moved the piled of paperwork that Jack had carelessly pushed aside out of the way.
Jack raised an eyebrow, but continued. “You haven't taken a vacation day since you arrived.”
Ianto shot him a dirty look. “If you'll remember Sir, I took four weeks of vacation time last year.”
Jack rolled his eyes. “Those weren't vacation days. That was enforced leave. There's a difference.”
“So you have been reading the Torchwood Administrator's Union handbook, then?” Ianto asked smugly.
“Just 'cause I opened it doesn't mean I read it.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well fine then,” Jack huffed. “I selectively read it.”
“Selectively?”
“Only the interesting parts.”
“Such as?”
“Such as I'm not allowed to touch an employee during work hours.”
“What was yesterday then? I seem to remember you touching me quite a bit.”
“Those weren't work hours and I didn't touch you. I touched your trousers. There's a difference.”
Ianto shot him a dirty look.
“Made you come without touching you too. That's pretty impressive.”
“I refuse to add to your ego. And touching my trousers equates to touching me. Spirit of the law, Jack, not just the letter.”
“Just 'cause I read it, doesn't mean that I have to follow it.”
“I'm beginning to understand why everyone you ever meet wants to imprison you.”
“All of which makes for some very impressive jail breaks. I look dashing in stripes.”
Ianto just smiled. He knew just how good Jack looked in stripes. Especially gagged with Ianto's striped ties. His tad'd been right - clothing maketh man. Or, in Jack's case, having your immortal lover stark naked on your bed with a striped silk tie as a gag while you did unspeakable things with caramel sauce? Now that certainly maketh Ianto's man.
Ianto suddenly found himself in quite the predicament. During his mental ramble, Jack had, apparently, carried on the conversation. He was now leaning against Ianto's desk, arms crossed and smiling, one foot sitting in Ianto's lap and damn if it wasn't somehow caressing Ianto's groin. Damn Jack and his flexible feet. And now he was, also apparently, waiting for an answer to something. And all Ianto had was a burgeoning stirring down there. Bugger.
“Uh, sorry Sir, uh, Jack? Catching wool there for a minute,” Ianto fumbled, searching for some way to get control of the conversation again.
Jack shook his head. “You Welsh and your wool. I was saying, that it's time you took a holiday.”
Ianto was confused. “Um, but...What? Why? It's not even summer,” he said, pointing out the window to what was certainly not a warm sunny day. Then again, it was Maundy Thursday in Wales, after all, and one couldn't expect summer during Easter. Maybe in a few years, what with the global warming, but not just yet.
“Which means it's still the low season. Lots of cheap rates,” Jack said reasonably.
“But, I don't want to go on holiday,” Ianto answered. Then he frowned. What self-respecting twenty-five year old didn't want to go on holiday?
“Come on Ianto! Carpe diem!” Jack begged.
Suddenly Ianto was suspicious and jumped from his chair. “Why do you want me to go on holiday, Sir? What have you done? If you've blown up another section in the archives and you're trying to keep me from finding out again, I'll-”
“Hey, hey hey,” Jack said, raising his hands in defense and backing up. “The archives are safe. I haven't gone down there alone since you found me and we played 'Big Bad General and the Naughty Captain.' Nice use of the switch, by the way. Couldn't sit for two days.”
And yet again, Ianto's mind was lost to those memories. Damn Jack. Damn Jack and his ability to send the usually unflappable Ianto right into mental La-La Land.
Jack smirked as Ianto's eyes glazed over. He loved doing that. Only other people he knew that could do that to Ianto were those tri-chested strippers from Calpio that had gotten lost and wound up in Cardiff, right in Ianto's back garden. It had taken seven hours for that aphrodisiac they naturally emitted to wear off; seven hours of a more-than-horny Ianto. Jack liked the recovery time of twenty-five year olds.
Then Ianto shook his head and returned to the conversation. “I ask again. Why do you want me to go on holiday?”
Jack sighed. He'd hoped Ianto would have just easily accepted the suggestion and agreed. But no, he couldn't have a normal holiday-loving employee. He had to have Ianto, the one man in the entire country who spent more time at work than Jack. And Jack lived at work! Now he actually had to explain.
“Fine. Here's the reason,” Jack began, taking a deep breath. “I have a cottage on Holyhead -”
“You have a cottage, sir?” Ianto interrupted.
“Yeah. I have a cottage. And I was thinking that you and I could take the long weekend, Bank Holiday you know, and the rest of the week, and maybe...well...maybe youcouldhelpfixitup.”
Ianto blinked. And blinked again. “Sorry?” He watched as Jack's shoulders slumped and he ran a hand through his hair.
“I said, maybe you could help fix it up,” Jack ground out, clearly uncomfortable.
Ianto blinked a third time. “You...you want me to go on holiday to do your housework?”
“No,” Jack said slowly. “I want you and I to go on holiday to my cottage in Holyhead...alone together...and to fix it up?”
“But...but why?” Ianto sputtered.
“You don't want to go on holiday with me?” Jack asked. Ianto stared at him for a minute. No way in hell he'd ever thought Jack'd want them to go on holiday together. That is, no way in hell the Jack who'd left them all for the doctor would have wanted to go on holiday. This Jack though, this Jack went on dates. Real live dates with candles and wine and small portions of bad food.
Ianto jumped as Jack sighed and turned back to the hidden door. “No Jack wait!” he called. “I uh, I'd like to go on holiday. I just...I just don't understand why.”
“I thought it might be nice, having a place we could go. Someplace away from here. I never really had a place, and I have that place, but that place is falling apart because it hasn't been a place in a long time and -”
“Hush,” Ianto commanded, putting his hand over Jack's mouth. “Let me get this straight. You have a cottage in Holyhead that you haven't used in a while. And you want me to come with you on holiday to make it, well, a place again? A place...for us?”
Jack nodded, all he could do since Ianto's hand was still covering his lips.
“Oh. Well. That's...that's good, that is. That's very good. Ffyc,” Ianto said, moving away.
“You want to go then?” Jack asked nervously.
“Yes!” Ianto cried out, rubbing a hand against the back of his neck, a tell tale sign of discomfort. “I mean, yeah, that'd be nice.”
Jack sighed again and stepped close to Ianto. He pulled Ianto's arm down and wrapped his own hands around Ianto's, pulling them close. “Then what's wrong?” he murmured, his lips brushing against Ianto's knuckles.
“It's just...we've never done this before. I mean, you've come over and I've stayed over, but that's seven whole days of together and -”
“You already know I snore and I already know you hate mornings. Please, Ianto, please come. I want this place to be a place again. Our place.”
“And the others are fine with staying by themselves?”
“Already cleared it. Gwen didn't want to go to Rhys's mom's anyways and Tosh was on watch already. And Owen's a zombie; not like he can plop himself down for Easter Lunch.”
“Alright then. We'll, well, we're going on holiday.” Ianto whispered. A holiday with Jack. A whole seven days of just him and Jack. God help him. God help Holyhead.
“Holiday in Holyhead. Sounds perfect,” Jack whispered back as he kissed Ianto slowly.
Suddenly Ianto pulled back and shot Jack a harsh look. “Wait, what's this again about fixing it up?”
“Well, it's been a few years. I'm sure it needs some stuff. You know, paint, furniture, cleaning, new plumbing.”
“You're taking me somewhere that doesn't have plumbing?”
“No, it has plumbing. Well, it has the pipes. Not sure if they work, though.”
“Just how long has it been since you were there?” Ianto asked suspiciously. Just his luck that Jack'd take him to a place with an outhouse from Victoria's time.
“A while. A long time. I haven't...There was this guy, and we were....and then there was this battle and he...and then the Millenium and I just haven't been back. Couldn't go back. Not then. Not till now,” Jack stammered.
Ianto sighed and wrapped his arms around Jack. “Take me to Holyhead, Jack. I'll bring the paint and bleach if you promise you'll make sure there's a working toilet.”
He felt Jack grin against his neck. “Let's get going then.”
Ianto pulled back. “What? Now? But I'm not ready.”
Jack stuck his hands in his pocket. “Sure you are. All set and packed.”
“What have you done?” Ianto demanded. Jack just pointed out the window, where Ianto could see Tosh pulling up in a car. Not just any car, but his car. Tosh in his car packed with boxes and bags.
“You stole my car?!”
“No, I packed your car!” Jack said smugly.
Ianto rubbed his forehead. “You planned this all out. You packed. God save me, you'll have packed all the lube and left all my clothes at home.”
Jack just smiled. Ianto swore. It would be a long week.
Chapter 1: The Invitation
“So I was thinking,” Jack began, sauntering over to Ianto as he sat at the Tourist Office desk. He sat gingerly on the edge, knowing full well how much Ianto hated having to get arse-prints off the shiny wood.
“Oh dear lord, save me now,” Ianto muttered, closing his eyes and shaking his head as he moved the piled of paperwork that Jack had carelessly pushed aside out of the way.
Jack raised an eyebrow, but continued. “You haven't taken a vacation day since you arrived.”
Ianto shot him a dirty look. “If you'll remember Sir, I took four weeks of vacation time last year.”
Jack rolled his eyes. “Those weren't vacation days. That was enforced leave. There's a difference.”
“So you have been reading the Torchwood Administrator's Union handbook, then?” Ianto asked smugly.
“Just 'cause I opened it doesn't mean I read it.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well fine then,” Jack huffed. “I selectively read it.”
“Selectively?”
“Only the interesting parts.”
“Such as?”
“Such as I'm not allowed to touch an employee during work hours.”
“What was yesterday then? I seem to remember you touching me quite a bit.”
“Those weren't work hours and I didn't touch you. I touched your trousers. There's a difference.”
Ianto shot him a dirty look.
“Made you come without touching you too. That's pretty impressive.”
“I refuse to add to your ego. And touching my trousers equates to touching me. Spirit of the law, Jack, not just the letter.”
“Just 'cause I read it, doesn't mean that I have to follow it.”
“I'm beginning to understand why everyone you ever meet wants to imprison you.”
“All of which makes for some very impressive jail breaks. I look dashing in stripes.”
Ianto just smiled. He knew just how good Jack looked in stripes. Especially gagged with Ianto's striped ties. His tad'd been right - clothing maketh man. Or, in Jack's case, having your immortal lover stark naked on your bed with a striped silk tie as a gag while you did unspeakable things with caramel sauce? Now that certainly maketh Ianto's man.
Ianto suddenly found himself in quite the predicament. During his mental ramble, Jack had, apparently, carried on the conversation. He was now leaning against Ianto's desk, arms crossed and smiling, one foot sitting in Ianto's lap and damn if it wasn't somehow caressing Ianto's groin. Damn Jack and his flexible feet. And now he was, also apparently, waiting for an answer to something. And all Ianto had was a burgeoning stirring down there. Bugger.
“Uh, sorry Sir, uh, Jack? Catching wool there for a minute,” Ianto fumbled, searching for some way to get control of the conversation again.
Jack shook his head. “You Welsh and your wool. I was saying, that it's time you took a holiday.”
Ianto was confused. “Um, but...What? Why? It's not even summer,” he said, pointing out the window to what was certainly not a warm sunny day. Then again, it was Maundy Thursday in Wales, after all, and one couldn't expect summer during Easter. Maybe in a few years, what with the global warming, but not just yet.
“Which means it's still the low season. Lots of cheap rates,” Jack said reasonably.
“But, I don't want to go on holiday,” Ianto answered. Then he frowned. What self-respecting twenty-five year old didn't want to go on holiday?
“Come on Ianto! Carpe diem!” Jack begged.
Suddenly Ianto was suspicious and jumped from his chair. “Why do you want me to go on holiday, Sir? What have you done? If you've blown up another section in the archives and you're trying to keep me from finding out again, I'll-”
“Hey, hey hey,” Jack said, raising his hands in defense and backing up. “The archives are safe. I haven't gone down there alone since you found me and we played 'Big Bad General and the Naughty Captain.' Nice use of the switch, by the way. Couldn't sit for two days.”
And yet again, Ianto's mind was lost to those memories. Damn Jack. Damn Jack and his ability to send the usually unflappable Ianto right into mental La-La Land.
Jack smirked as Ianto's eyes glazed over. He loved doing that. Only other people he knew that could do that to Ianto were those tri-chested strippers from Calpio that had gotten lost and wound up in Cardiff, right in Ianto's back garden. It had taken seven hours for that aphrodisiac they naturally emitted to wear off; seven hours of a more-than-horny Ianto. Jack liked the recovery time of twenty-five year olds.
Then Ianto shook his head and returned to the conversation. “I ask again. Why do you want me to go on holiday?”
Jack sighed. He'd hoped Ianto would have just easily accepted the suggestion and agreed. But no, he couldn't have a normal holiday-loving employee. He had to have Ianto, the one man in the entire country who spent more time at work than Jack. And Jack lived at work! Now he actually had to explain.
“Fine. Here's the reason,” Jack began, taking a deep breath. “I have a cottage on Holyhead -”
“You have a cottage, sir?” Ianto interrupted.
“Yeah. I have a cottage. And I was thinking that you and I could take the long weekend, Bank Holiday you know, and the rest of the week, and maybe...well...maybe youcouldhelpfixitup.”
Ianto blinked. And blinked again. “Sorry?” He watched as Jack's shoulders slumped and he ran a hand through his hair.
“I said, maybe you could help fix it up,” Jack ground out, clearly uncomfortable.
Ianto blinked a third time. “You...you want me to go on holiday to do your housework?”
“No,” Jack said slowly. “I want you and I to go on holiday to my cottage in Holyhead...alone together...and to fix it up?”
“But...but why?” Ianto sputtered.
“You don't want to go on holiday with me?” Jack asked. Ianto stared at him for a minute. No way in hell he'd ever thought Jack'd want them to go on holiday together. That is, no way in hell the Jack who'd left them all for the doctor would have wanted to go on holiday. This Jack though, this Jack went on dates. Real live dates with candles and wine and small portions of bad food.
Ianto jumped as Jack sighed and turned back to the hidden door. “No Jack wait!” he called. “I uh, I'd like to go on holiday. I just...I just don't understand why.”
“I thought it might be nice, having a place we could go. Someplace away from here. I never really had a place, and I have that place, but that place is falling apart because it hasn't been a place in a long time and -”
“Hush,” Ianto commanded, putting his hand over Jack's mouth. “Let me get this straight. You have a cottage in Holyhead that you haven't used in a while. And you want me to come with you on holiday to make it, well, a place again? A place...for us?”
Jack nodded, all he could do since Ianto's hand was still covering his lips.
“Oh. Well. That's...that's good, that is. That's very good. Ffyc,” Ianto said, moving away.
“You want to go then?” Jack asked nervously.
“Yes!” Ianto cried out, rubbing a hand against the back of his neck, a tell tale sign of discomfort. “I mean, yeah, that'd be nice.”
Jack sighed again and stepped close to Ianto. He pulled Ianto's arm down and wrapped his own hands around Ianto's, pulling them close. “Then what's wrong?” he murmured, his lips brushing against Ianto's knuckles.
“It's just...we've never done this before. I mean, you've come over and I've stayed over, but that's seven whole days of together and -”
“You already know I snore and I already know you hate mornings. Please, Ianto, please come. I want this place to be a place again. Our place.”
“And the others are fine with staying by themselves?”
“Already cleared it. Gwen didn't want to go to Rhys's mom's anyways and Tosh was on watch already. And Owen's a zombie; not like he can plop himself down for Easter Lunch.”
“Alright then. We'll, well, we're going on holiday.” Ianto whispered. A holiday with Jack. A whole seven days of just him and Jack. God help him. God help Holyhead.
“Holiday in Holyhead. Sounds perfect,” Jack whispered back as he kissed Ianto slowly.
Suddenly Ianto pulled back and shot Jack a harsh look. “Wait, what's this again about fixing it up?”
“Well, it's been a few years. I'm sure it needs some stuff. You know, paint, furniture, cleaning, new plumbing.”
“You're taking me somewhere that doesn't have plumbing?”
“No, it has plumbing. Well, it has the pipes. Not sure if they work, though.”
“Just how long has it been since you were there?” Ianto asked suspiciously. Just his luck that Jack'd take him to a place with an outhouse from Victoria's time.
“A while. A long time. I haven't...There was this guy, and we were....and then there was this battle and he...and then the Millenium and I just haven't been back. Couldn't go back. Not then. Not till now,” Jack stammered.
Ianto sighed and wrapped his arms around Jack. “Take me to Holyhead, Jack. I'll bring the paint and bleach if you promise you'll make sure there's a working toilet.”
He felt Jack grin against his neck. “Let's get going then.”
Ianto pulled back. “What? Now? But I'm not ready.”
Jack stuck his hands in his pocket. “Sure you are. All set and packed.”
“What have you done?” Ianto demanded. Jack just pointed out the window, where Ianto could see Tosh pulling up in a car. Not just any car, but his car. Tosh in his car packed with boxes and bags.
“You stole my car?!”
“No, I packed your car!” Jack said smugly.
Ianto rubbed his forehead. “You planned this all out. You packed. God save me, you'll have packed all the lube and left all my clothes at home.”
Jack just smiled. Ianto swore. It would be a long week.