Chapter 17 - Part 3 - Jake's Friends

[sienata]

Attention Gentle Readers, a Note from your Author........Jakey and Heath overslept for their evening out with friends - they were just about to get up to something very interesting when reality prevailed. Now they are faced with a long night of potentially difficult encounters. Let's see what happens.........

They finished getting ready on the fly - Jake wore dark trousers, a royal blue shirt under a black jacket with faint white and blue pinstripes. Heath wore black pants and a deep, blood red shirt, untucked.  Jake had called Maggie from the house and warned her they were running behind. They were in their seats at seven forty five - only fifteen minutes late - not bad, considering!

In addition to Maggie and Peter, Ryan and Reese were seated at the large round table. That was cool - he and Ryan were friends and he hadn't got to see him in a while. Everyone was drinking wine and there was an empty bread basket on the table.  Jake took the empty seat next to Ryan, Heath sat on his right, beside Peter.  Maggie checked her watch as they got settled. "Hey guys! You didn't do too bad, especially considering how freaked out Jake sounded when he called! What on earth happened?"

"Nothing really - just a power surge, I guess - but it knocked out the alarm clock and we overslept," Jake told her, noticed her funny expression. He shrugged - what? - but the waitress came then and that was that.  She took their drink orders, explained the specials and left them all with menus. They read them over, then Jake leaned over, talked to Heath about some of the entree's that were interesting, and they made their selections. When the waitress came back, she gave Heath and Jake their drinks, then took orders: Peter and Maggie's, Ryan and Reese's, Heath and Jake's.

When she left, conversation resumed around the table, everyone chatting left and right and crossways. After a few minutes, there was a lull in the conversation. Jake was just taking a sip of his wine when Reese sang out from across the table, "Oh Jake! That is such a great ring! I've been wanting to get Ryan a signet ring. I just love that one - where did you find it?"

Shit! Jake almost choked on his wine, felt panicked, wasn't sure what to do. This wasn't going to be a secret much longer, but he didn't really want to announce it at dinner, either, especially since they hadn't talked about it yet. Fuck! He'd go for vague - maybe she'd lose interest.

"Hmm, I'm not really sure where it came from - it was a gift, actually."

"Oh, how nice! It's certainly lovely - may I see it please?" she asked, holding out her hand.

Fuckfuckfuck! She'd asked who H was for sure, and right now he couldn't even think of an H girl name! Shit! He felt Heath nudge him hard under the table, shot a quick glance his way, but he wasn't looking at him, was looking at something on the wall across the restaurant. "It's stuck - Reese - i kinda jammed my finger and it's a little swollen and I can't get it off - sorry." His eyes darted over at Maggie - she was digging in her purse, not looking up. Peter met his gaze though - Jake could tell he was working hard to keep a straight face.

"Oh, wow - how awful! That would drive me insane! I can't stand to get a ring stuck on my finger - it make's me feel all claustrophobic or something," she said, looking hard at his very normal looking hand. He stuck it in his lap.

"I'm just trying not to think about it," Jake told her, feeling queasy. She was worse than Maggie when it came to worrying an issue. He'd be lucky if she didn't have his finger amputated before they got done with dinner.

"So Jakey, was it a gift from your sweetie?" she asked, her voice a teasing sing-song.

Jake felt himself start to blush - Goddammit! The waitress, God love her, chose that moment to appear with their salads. By the time she had everything passed around and had gotten their requests for more drinks, Maggie had asked Reese about some new gossip and Jake had a reprieve. He glanced over at  Heath, but Heath was eating his salad, talking between bites to Peter. Jake kept his left hand out of sight as much as possible, chatted with Ryan.

DInner came at last - Jake ordered another glass of wine, noticed that Heath got his water glass refilled. Good - one less thing he had to worry about. Heath finally finished his conversation with Peter, turned back to Jake. "So, how's your food?"

"Good. Your's?"

"It's fine." His eyes were shadowed, somber almost. Something was wrong, but there was no way to find out what it was now without making a scene.

They finished eating - didn't dally since they were going to a party afterwards. Everyone passed on desert. The waitress came back shortly with their checks - one for Ryan, one for Peter, and one for them. "Here you go, sirs. I'll just leave this here for you," she said and slid it between them. Heath shook his head, one small shake - otherwise,  he didn't react at all -  just pulled out his wallet, stuck his credit card in the folder and handed it back to the waitress when she came by a minute later. Jake could sense his unease, though - what was his problem?

Jake noticed Ryan watching them. He and Ryan had been friends for a while - worked out together, ran in the same circles. It occurred to Jake that their friendship might change once it got out that he and Heath were a couple. Lots of his friendships might change. On the movie set, people had seemed just to accept them, partly because they'd watched them slowly come together, partly because they had no real knowledge of them beforehand. Some might even think they were just together in order to better their acting - who knew? Whatever they thought, he'd gotten spoiled by that easy acceptance.

This was the real world though, and these people had certain ideas and expectations about him that were about to get turned upside down. Some of them, like Maggie, would be able to accept this as just who he was, would love him anyway and everything would be fine. Some people, however, were bound to have issues with it - some things were going to change, and there was nothing he could do about it.  Such was life.

Jake looked back at Heath again - he was watching him now, his eyes narrowed. Jake knew he was trying to read his thoughts, and probably doing a lot better job of it than when Jake had been trying to pull the same number on him a few moments before.  Fuck! The last thing he wanted was for Heath to sense his moment of fear, because it changed nothing - his course was set - he had no intentions of turning back now.

"Jake!" Maggie almost shouted his name from across the table. He jumped, broke out of his staring contest with Heath, looked over at his sister.

"What?"

"So, what time are you getting to Mom and Dad's tomorrow?" she asked, bugging her eyes at him, their private signal to each other - only this time he wasn't sure what the message was.

"I'm not sure - what about you?" The waitress came back with their checks, Heath added in a tip, signed the receipt, gave it back to her, excused himself to go to the restroom. Jake watched him leave, then turned back to Maggie.

"I don't know - maybe if we go early, we can hang out by the pool some, get a little sun."

"Ok, I don't think we have any other plans," he said, glancing back at the restroom, tempted to follow Heath, but he knew that wasn't the place for this conversation. Shit! Maybe they could talk in the car. Maggie just rolled her eyes at him. He shrugged - didn't know what her problem was, didn't get Heath's at all. Was everybody fucking nuts tonight?

Heath came back, they all got up, gathering their stuff to go. The girls decided they needed to use the restroom, and so did Jake. He handed Heath the car keys, said, "I'll be there in a minute," and followed a safe distance behind the girls to the rear of the restaurant.

He'd just gotten to the sink to wash his hands when Ryan came in, stepped right up to the sink, started washing his hands too, looking at him funny in the mirror. Fuck! Here we go.

"So, what's going on Jake?"

"Not much, what's up with you?" This should've seemed weird chatter since they'd just had dinner together, but Jake knew he was just trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to say. Jake left him to it, filled a little cup with mouthwash, swigged some, started swishing.

"So Jake, how long have you been hooked up with Ledger?"

So much for beating around the bush! Jake held his look in the mirror while he finished swishing, spat, rinsed, dried his hands. "A few months," he finally answered, turned towards Ryan, shoulders square, eyes steady. When it came right down to it, he wasn't ashamed. It was his life - he didn't owe anybody any explanations - maybe his parents, but not his friends. Either they accepted him or they didn't.

"It's quite a surprise, I have to say."

"Yeah, it was to me too, at first. I've had some time to get used to it though - I'm good with it."

Ryan nodded; his face was reserved, but not condemning. "So - are you planning to come out any time soon?"

Jake's laugh was ironic. "Do you think there's any point in trying to keep it a secret? I can't even fool a waitress!"

Ryan laughed then, broke the tension a little. "Yeah - subterfuge is certainly not your strong point."

Jake laughed too. "Fuck no! I thought I was gonna shit when Reese started in on my ring."

"He gave it to you, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Must be pretty serious."

"Yeah - I'm tellin' my folks this weekend."

"Ok, man. Well - good luck! If anybody can pull it off, you can."

"I hope so. I'll be honest with you - it's pretty fuckin' scary!"

"I can imagine. I'm your friend, Jake - no matter what. I'll back you up if you need me to."

Jake smiled - that was  happy news. He really liked Ryan, had been hoping he wouldn't ditch him over this. "Thanks man, I really appreciate it."

Just then the bathroom door shoved open and Heath stuck his head in, looking antsy. His eyes shot from Jake to Ryan and back to Jake. Fuck! "You 'bout ready to go?"

"Yeah - I'm sorry, we got to talking..." Even though Ryan wasn't physically threatening, Jake knew Heath had been worried about him, wouldn't be able to help himself.

"It's ok, man. I was just checkin'."

"I'm ready - let's go." Jake turned back to Ryan. "So, see ya there?"

Ryan's look was interested, but his tone was bland. "Sure, Jake - see you there. Heath." He nodded in Heath's direction - Heath nodded back, then led the way out to the car.

Once they were in the car, Heath reverted to his somber mood. He drove out of the parking lot like he knew where they were going, which was good. Jake wasn't interested in paying attention to directions. He was feeling anxious about Heath's mood - wondered if he'd talk about it - only one way to find out. "So, what the hell happened to you?" Maybe that wasn't the smoothest opening, but he was getting fucking tired of being in the dark all the time.

"What do you mean?" Heath asked, bland in the face of his aggression.

"I mean - you were in a good mood when we got to the restaurant, everything was fine - then halfway through dinner, nothing was fine anymore. I'd just like to know what the hell happened!"

"I don't really want to get into it right now."

"Well, what the fuck,  Heath? Should I schedule an appointment?"

"Goddammit!" Heath ground out between clenched teeth, turned the car sharply into an empty church parking lot, stopped quick and jumped out.

Shit! What the fuck had gotten into him? Now that he was about to find out, Jake wasn't even sure if he really wanted to know.

Jake got out of the car slowly, went around to where Heath was leaning against the trunk, arms crossed over his chest, studying his feet. "What the hell's the matter, Heath?"

At first he didn't say anything - didn't move. Jake could feel the tension coming off him in waves. Finally he sighed, heavy and sad, shook his head. "I'm just freakin' out, Jake. This is it, you know?"

"This is what.......exactly?"

"This is our fucking comin' out party, man. If we got to this party together and even act halfway normal, somebody is gonna make us, and once one person knows, Jake, everybody is gonna know!"

Goddammit! This was worse than he'd imagined! "Don't you think it's a little fuckin' late to be worryin' about this now, huh? Jesus Christ, Heath, if you're havin' second thoughts, couldn't you have maybe mentioned it to me last weekend......... when I asked you to come out here with me? Didn't it occur to you then that your dirty little secret might get out?" Jesus! he was pissed! It was all he could do to keep from punching him!

"Fuck Jake! This is not my dirty little secret! I'm not having second thoughts for me, man - I'm havin' 'em for you!"

"For me? Since when did you start thinkin' for me?"

"I'm just worried, Jake. I'm worried that you don't know what you're gettin' into. I can leave here on Monday and never come back, man. My life will just go right on, smooth as glass. But this is your life, Jake. This is your world, these are your people. They've known you since you were a kid -  you're their fucking Golden Boy! Every since you and Kirsten broke up, they're all just waitin' to see which pretty young thing you take up with next. I can guarantee you, Jake, I'm not the kind of pretty young thing they have in mind!"

Jake felt like he might pass out with relief. For a minute there, he'd really thought Heath was gonna end it - he could deal with anything, but not that. He grinned at Heath, sidled up to him. "Well I think you're pretty."

Heath wasn't ready to be teased. "Shit, man - this is serious! We go to this party tonight - you're walking in as one guy, but you'll be walking out as somebody totally different. There's no way around it, Jake."

"Don't you think I know that. And I'll be honest with you - it scares the holy shit out of me. But not going scares me worse. I'm not gonna let other people tell me how to live my life. My friends will accept it, and the people who don't like me because of it weren't really my friends to begin with. That's all I can expect, and I'm ok with that. All I really care about is you - are you in this with me?"

Heath met his look, his deep brown eyes steady and true. "Till the fucking bitter end, my friend."

"Then nothing else really matters. C'mon Cowboy, let's go!"

************************

They got to the party about twenty minutes later. Maggie caught up with them just as they were walking into the crowded gathering room. "Hey - I was beginning to get worried? You didn't get lost, did you?"

"Nah, we just had to stop and have a fight," Jake told her.

"It wasn't a fight, man - it was a discussion."

"Whatever - anyway, we made it."

Heath left them to talk, went to get them drinks, stopping to chat with folks he knew along the way. Heath might like to think he was a nobody in this town, but Jake knew different. He wasn't as invisible as he seemed to believe.

"So," Maggie asked, nosey as always, "what was this discussion all about?"

"He's scared that when people find out we're together, it's gonna fuck up my life. He was just kinda freakin' out about that."

"Isn't it a little bit late for that?"

"That's what I said!"

"So what did you decide to do? I mean, I hate to tell you this, but you guys just scream couple - when people see you together, they're gonna know."

"Yeah, I know. And you know what - I just don't fuckin' care! Either they'll get over it or they won't. I'm just not gonna worry about it."

"Well alrighty then! When are you tellin' mom and dad?"

"Sunday, I guess."

Heath came back with a glass of wine for Jake, drinking a beer. They stood together for a couple of minutes, but soon they drifted apart. The party, which was at the home of a well-known producer, had a wide variety of guests, lots of people that each of them knew, and they mingled, moving from group to group, sometimes crossing paths, oftentimes not seeing each other for long stretches.

Jake had almost forgotten their discussion, had decided maybe no one would pick up on them tonight after all, when totally out of the blue he heard his name screeched! "Jakey, ohmigod - it's you!" He turned around just in time to catch the young slim body that was flying towards him, wrapping his arms around her, catching her close as she careened into him.

The smell and feel of her were as familiar as home - it was Kirsten he held in his arms. Drunk, horny Kirsten.

"Jake baby - it's so good to feel you!" she cooed, giggling as she shimmied up against him. He felt his cock start to twitch - it was fucking automatic! Jesus! What a fuck up this could turn into.

She pulled back just far enough to snake her arms up around his neck. "Hey baby, how're you doing?" Jake managed to ask before she had her mouth on his, deep kissing him for all she was worth. Fuck! This was going to hell even faster than he'd expected. His goddamn cock was on full red alert now - this smell, this feel, this kiss - meant action - and it had been a long fucking time since he'd gotten any action like this! Shit!!! He had to get her off him.

As soon as he possibly could, he unlocked their mouths, panting slightly. "Whew! Hey - Jesus! Wow! What a greeting - how are you?" he pushed her back, looked her over. "You look great!"

"Thank you! So do you," she told him with a sexy smile, wiggling right back into the space he'd just worked so hard to get her out of. "I've missed you, you know!  What've you been doing with yourself - all alone up in Canada?"

Man! If she only knew! "Just making the movie, riding horses, sniffing sheep shit - you know how it goes..."

"Yeah, you've been making out with Heath Ledger - is he as good a kisser as me?" she teased, reaching her mouth back up for another kiss. Fuck -  he could probably get away with one kiss, but Heath wasn't going to put up with him kissing her all night. Where the fuck was he anyway? Jake had lost track of everything once she'd vaulted into his arms.

He pulled back from her kiss again, saw the disappointment in her eys. Damn - she wanted him to fuck her - he knew it, he'd seen that look a hundred times.  And he could - he could leave with her right now - take her home and fuck her brains out, but tomorrow his life wouldn't be worth shit. He'd still be Straight Jake, but his heart would be broken. He didn't need a woman, certainly didn't want Kirsten - as sweet as she was, she had nothing for him. What he wanted was to fuck - he needed to fuck Heath. That was where his heart was, that was who he loved, that was who he needed to fuck.

He looked up just then, scanned the crowd quickly, found him.  He was talking to someone, smiling, carefree, but as soon as Jake's eyes lit on him, he looked up, straight at him, with Kirsten still in his arms. Thank God he couldn't see inside his pants. His smile slipped - he cocked an eyebrow Jake's way. Jake gave him a tiny headshake.  No, he'd handle it on his own. Heath nodded, went back to his conversation.

Jake looked back down into Kirsten's sweet face - God, how he'd adored her once. He'd give anything not to hurt her now. She'd ask about Heath's kissing. "I can honestly say - kissing Heath is completely different from kissing you! Hey - I heard you were seeing somebody? Any truth to that rumor?" Please, please!

"Mmm, on and off. Tonight we're off - I'd like to see you!" she told him, her eyes flashing sexy, wiggling against him some more.

There was nothing to do but tell her no. "Shit, baby, I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm kinda hooked up with somebody else right now." God, could he sound any more non-committed - what the fuck was wrong with him?

"Oh really? What'd you do - find you a little Canadian babe to keep you warm at night?" She didn't look worried, wasn't really buying his story, he could tell. He looked up, met Heath's eyes, still watching, waiting for him to tell her. Shit!

"No, actually I've kinda gotten involved with an Australian," he finally said.

"An Australian - in Canada? Where'd you find an Australian girl up there?" she asked, cocking her head, curious at this odd detail. Jake sighed - fuck, no way around it - and cast his eyes over at Heath - she followed his look. He saw it on her face, felt her body jerk when she figured it out.

"Oh-my-fucking-god, Jake! You're really, really, in real life, doing him?" This was no time to get into semantics, and he had very serious plans to be doing him soon anyway. He didn't care what she thought as long as she let him go. As soon as she started freaking out, Heath turned back to his conversation, satisfied. Fucking great for him!

"Kirsten, don't freak out, ok?" he whispered urgently in her ear.

"Don't freak out? How can you say that? We were together for a year! Were you fucking gay the whole fucking time?" To give her credit, she wasn't screaming at him, but she was whispering pretty damn loud, and it was obvious she was way upset - tears were welling in her eyes, her hands had fistfuls of his shirt.

Jake leaned back down, whispered in her ear. "Just calm down, ok - everything's ok - let's just go somewhere more private and we'll talk about it, ok?" He pulled back, looked into her face. The tears hadn't made it out of her eyes yet, but they were threatening. She nodded. He took her arm, led her through the throng to the back door, out onto the deck.

There were folks out there too, but he found them a secluded corner with a little bench and they sat down. He wrapped his arm around her. "I know this is a big shock...."

"To say the least! Jesus Jake! Do I need to be worried? Do I need to get tested or anything?"

"No no no - I've never done anything like this before - it's all new to me too. I'll be honest with you - I was as surprised as you when I found out I was open to this - I had no idea, before I met Heath."

She calmed down a little, asked him some more questions. How did it happen? He told her a little about their first night. What did they do - of course she wanted to know that - everybody seemed to hone in on that issue! He told her they did lots of things, didn't give her any specifics, but she got the general. Then she went right to the heart of the matter. "So, are you in love with him?"

There was no reason to lie, so he told her the truth. "Yes, I am."

"Hmm - I guess he loves you too?"

"I don't know - we haven't really talked about it yet..." he confessed, knew that sounded lame, was getting lamer every time he said it. Fuck! It was time for them to get this shit settled!

"Jesus, Jake - what are you waiting for, a sign or something?"

"I don't know - maybe we'll talk about it this weekend. I'm telling my folks this weekend."

"That should be fun," she commiserated, made a sad face.

"Yeah, I'm not looking forward to it, that's for sure."

"Do you think, you know, after this is over, you'll go out with girls again, or do you think you'll find another guy?"

Jake had wondered that himself, the few times he'd let himself think that there might be a day he'd be single again. These days he couldn't stand to think about it.  "I don't know, you know? I can't really think about life without him right now," he told her.

"I hope he feels the same way about you then - that would really suck if he didn't."

"Yeah, I hope so too. We're here, you know, together. Ryan knows - I know he'll tell Reese. Maggie and Peter know. We're telling mom and dad. I don't guess he'd be ok with all that if he didn't feel something for me - right?"

"No, I guess not."

Jake looked up then, saw him leaning against the railing on the far side of the deck, smoking, drinking a beer, looking off into the distance - giving them some privacy, but still there. She followed his gaze, saw him too. "Well, looks like he wants you back. Thanks for talking to me about it. I hope you'll be really happy."

"Yeah, me too.... thanks."

She kissed him - one last soft sweet kiss, her tongue just flicking across his lips. "Bye bye."

"Bye baby." She trailed her hand down his thigh as she stood up, gave him a small wave and walked away. Jake stayed on the bench, watched her leave him, felt one more little piece of his heart fly away.  Heath joined him on the bench a few minutes later, gave him a lit cigarette, and they sat there smoking, not talking for a while. Finally Jake said, "You know, I think I'm ready to go home. I've had about as much fucking fun as I can stand for one night."

"You and me both, Rodeo. Let's go."

Jake was silent on the ride home, laid his seat back a little bit, let his mind drift. When they got home, Heath let them in, dropped the keys on the table in the foyer, headed into the kitchen. "You mind if I sit up for awhile, watch some tv? I'm not really ready to go to bed yet."

That was fine with Jake - he could use some time alone. "No man, go ahead. I'm going, though - I'm beat."

Heath came back out of the kitchen with a beer, dropped a kiss on his lips as he walked toward the sofa. "'K babe. See ya in a bit."

"Night," Jake answered and went into his bedroom and closed the door. He went into the bathroom, closed that door too, stripped off his clothes and got in the shower. He sat on the floor under the hot water for a long time, cried silent tears for all that he'd lost, for a life he wanted but didn't yet have, for all the confusion and uncertainties to come.  He wondered still how he'd come to this, how Heath had known he was his - ripe for his picking. Three months ago he'd been freaked at the idea of kissing him for the movie. Now he couldn't imagine life without Heath anymore than he could imagine life without himself, yet they still hadn't said the first word about the future - nobody had said the word love. And Jake wanted to fuck him so bad, needed to possess his body in the same way Heath had been possessing his all this time. Once again, he was feeling Jack's pain - it was a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation! Before they got on that plane on Monday, something was gonna have to give.