Meeting You Halfway - And Then Life Changes
The next part might be a few days coming... we'll see. I've been toying with some BOBR today for Halloween, and Sr. Lunch is Thursday, so I have to slave over the hot stove tomorrow... Thanks for all the support for this. You guys are awesome! Hugs. S!
And Then Life Changes
When Ennis got back to their trucks, the grocery bags were gone, along with the cooler. He went to his own pick-up, got his small duffle packed with two changes of clothes and a few toiletries and a new bottle of whiskey. He started toward the cabin, stopped halfway to break the seal on the whiskey. False courage was better than no courage at all.
He saw light shining out the rear windows, so he climbed the back steps and went in, found Jack in the kitchen, still putting away the food.
“It’s a nice place, Ennis, real nice,” Jack said softly, stopped what he was doing to watch him, gauging his mood like he’d done a thousand times before.
Maybe Jack could figure it out, but it was confusin’ the hell out of him, a sickening mix of hope tainted with heartache, guilt for his own shortcomings, fear and inadequacy brought on by Jack’s. It was way to much for him to sort out, so he focused on what Jack had said about the cabin instead. He blinked and looked around, nodded.... Yeah, it was nice... mostly one big room with unstained wood walls and ceiling and a smooth plank floor. The kitchen area was at one end of the room, with a refrigerator and stove, table and chairs... There was a long, brown plaid sofa at the other end, with an dark orange recliner facing a fireplace. Nothing fancy, for sure, but it looked comfortable. There were animal pictures on the wall, and animals themselves, stuffed ducks and fish and a big set of antlers over the mantle. Alma would’ve hated it. It was the nicest place Ennis had ever stayed.
There was a set of open stairs leading up to a loft... Ennis could see what looked like a bed up there. “That where we’re sleepin’?”
Jack nodded, said “Yeah” in a husky voice that told Ennis no matter how fucked up they were in some ways, that one thing still hadn’t changed.
Ennis focused on the stairs, heard the want in Jack’s voice, told himself for the hundredth time that Jack wouldn’t have come if those other guys gave him better, or if he wanted one of them more. Still, it scared the shit out of him to be fallin’ in behind another man. “’K. Guess I’ll put my stuff up. You wanna eat? I’m hungry.” He was stallin’, but he was afraid of what they were going to say when the shit hit the fan, so - weak as it was - he wasn’t above buying time.
“Sure. Sandwiches ok?”
Ennis said yes and left Jack to fix them. He went to the bathroom first, pissed, washed his hands and face and brushed his teeth even though they were fixin’ to eat, saw the shower and thought about takin’ one but decided to wait. Once he was done in the bathroom, he ran his bag upstairs and took a quick look at their room... big, heavy log bed under a low, sloping ceiling, long chest with a mirror, couple of lamps on tables flankin' the bed. He saw Jack’s bag sitting on the floor - he tossed his dirty brown canvas duffle down on the other side of the bed. Jack’s was newer, nicer, like everything Jack had..... Don’t think about that... he’s here.
They ate ham sandwiches and crunched on potato chips, swigged beer from cold, wet bottles, sitting at the kitchen table with the light hanging in the center like an interrogation lamp, chasing away darkness where lies might hide, leaving room only for the truth. When they were done, Ennis took their plates to the sink, came back with two fresh beers and sat down heavily in his chair.
Jack took a long pull off his beer, let the silence string out till he couldn’t stand it any longer. “You said you wanna talk. I’m listenin’.”
Ennis picked at the label on his bottle, one question screamin’ in his mind, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to say anything he wanted to say till he knew the answer to it. “Why’d you come?”
Jack snorted, an unhappy sound of disgust. “You sorry you asked me?”
Ennis shook his head. “Nope. Just kinda surprised you’re here, considerin’.”
“I looked under the tarp on your truck, Ennis. What’s in all those boxes?”
“I asked you first.”
Jack pushed his chair back, made a harsh wood-on-wood scrape, and stalked around the tiny kitchen floor. The turns he took seemed to wind him up, and when he answered Ennis the words flew out of his mouth, bitter from years of wanting what he couldn’t have. “You wanna know why I came, Ennis? The real truth?”
Ennis nodded.
“’Cause you fuckin’ called and asked me to. I been waitin’ my whole Goddamned life seems like for that fuckin’ phone to ring and it be you, wantin’ me. When it was, yes just come outta my mouth ‘fore I could stop it.” He blew out a disgusted breath, threw himself against the counter, hands in angry fists on his hips, glaring at his enemy. “I wasn’t comin’ in November though. Already done made up my mind about that.”
Ennis got up at that, although the news didn’t come as a surprise. He braced his arms on the back of his chair and leaned heavily on it, tried to breathe easy and keep himself from panicking or flyin’ off the handle. Jack was here now. “You made any plans?”
"What kinda plans?"
"To do somethin' different..."
“I ain’t got a truck loaded down with boxes yet, if that’s what you’re askin’, but I been thinkin’ about it.” He flexed his shoulders again, stretchin’ his neck to get the kinks out. “Looks like you got ahead a me this time. What’s in them boxes, Ennis?”
“Hmmph.... my shit....” he mumbled, nervous and embarrassed now. He’d spent the time he was packing trying to tell himself he was wrong about Jack and the rancher, that maybe Mexico was just a one shot thing, but even then he’d known he was foolin’ himself.
“Your shit?” Jack sounded shocked, although what else could it be? “You moving?” he asked, leverin’ himself up off the counter to get closer to Ennis.
“Yeah, but don’t worry, I ain’t gonna show up knockin’ on your door lookin’ for a spare room. Got me a new job, comes with a place.”
“Where?” Jack ground out the one word like it hurt to speak.
“Place up around Idaho Springs. Ain’t too far from here.”
“You’re fuckin’ movin’ to Colorado?” Jack probably wouldn’t have been much more suprised if he’d said he was wearin’ ladies' underwear. “You just tol’ me not more’n three months ago that you couldn’t hardly find your way around a fuckin’ coffee pot! Now you’re just gonna up and move down here? What the fuck’s goin’ on, Ennis?”
This wasn’t quite the reaction Ennis had figured on, but it was probably what he should’ve expected, considerin’ Jack had been on him to move for the last sixteen years.
“Boss got a friend started up a dude ranch few months ago, needs some help. Wants a real, live cowboy to take city folks out ridin’ an’ shit, help with the horses. Stoutamire figured I’d be good for it... ready for somethin’ different anyway.” Ennis patted his shirt pocket, pulled out his cigarettes and lit one up. Jack might not be smokin’, but he was too nervous, had to have something to do with his hands. He glanced at Jack’s fingers. He was twirling that pencil like a high school majorette.
“What about the girls?”
Ennis blew smoke, picturin’ his girls little and sweet, but they weren’t little any more, and they weren’t an excuse any more either. “Junior just graduated from high school, Jenny’s got a year to go. Don’t need me no more.”
“Well damn....” Jack stared at him, lookin’ him up and down like he was new. Ennis was still in dark waters in his head, so he smoked, let him look and held his tongue.
They let it sit between them till their beers were empty and Ennis’s cigarette was dead. Jack pulled two more beers from his cooler, opened them both and gave one to Ennis. He got only close enough to pass him the beer, then stepped back to his spot along the counter.
“So.... What’s this mean, Ennis?”
Ennis toyed with his beer. “Mmm..... I dunno.” And he didn’t, and tryin’ to think it through now, exhausted from the day and the drive, heartsick at Jack’s honesty, was just too much. His fear for their lives was as real as ever, but it had been eclipsed by an even greater terror, his first glimpse of the stark desolation that would become his life if he lost Jack anyway.
“You want it to mean anythin’, Ennis, or is this just your way a tellin’ me somethin’s different, like when you called me about the divorce, and I thought that meant something, but fuck no it didn’t change a Goddamned thing!”
“No Jack, this ain’t like that!”
“Well then what the fuck do you want? I can’t read your mind, Ennis!”
Ennis stood up, tense and ready to blow, but smart enough to know they’d do damage if he let loose. “What I want, right now, is to take a shower and go to bed. I been up workin’ since four, and I ain’t got no head for dealin’ with this shit tonight...”
At first he thought Jack was gonna press it, but he obviously saw the sense in delayin’ it till they’d cooled off some, because he scowled, pissed, but nodded. “Fine. Go on. I’ll take one when you’re done.” From inside the bathroom, Ennis heard the back door slam just before he turned on the water.