Meeting You Halfway - The Truth Hurts
Hey! Well, the good news is, I'm home, I had a wonderful time, and all is well here at the homestead. The bad news is, this isn't the final part of this not-story. I'll be honest, when I started this, I was so bummed out that I wasn't sure if Jack was going to show.... that part was very much up-in-the-air. But, apparently, Jack ain't dead yet. However, after twenty years of rejection and a few trips to Mexico, etc, this is not an issue that I feel they can resolve in one little chat, regardless of what they decide to do. So please just tolerate me while I deal with this, and of course this is Sr. Lunch week, again, and I'm getting 2 new kittens, yada yada blah blah sorry. Ok... here we go. I'll finish this asap and get back to the real stuff. Hugs. S!
The Truth Hurts
Five miles down this road... go just past the mail-box shaped like a fish, turn right, then three more miles.... We got Cabin #3, said there’s a sign at the end of the driveway says Bear Hugs.... great. Least he didn’t give us the fuckin’ Honeymoon Hideaway.... that woulda been just my luck.... you’da laughed in my face for sure then....
Or maybe not.... guess I ain’t too blind and insensitive to catch the looks you been givin’ me.... Know you got fuckin’ on the brain for sure, and me too... God - don’t take much more’n just bein’ in the same air with you till I got a hard on won’t take no for a answer..... Ain’t gonna jump your bones soon as we get to the place, though... Just don’t feel right, what’s between us this time.... could just be me bein’ a dumbass, but I don’t think so.... You got different writ all over you, an’ I wanna know what’s what ‘fore we get to it..... ‘Course if I get you riled and foul shit up too bad, might not be no fuckin’ and Goddamn that’d be a disappointment, but guess other stuff’s just more important to me right now, like knowin’ if anythin’ I want’s got a chance a happenin’......
Good God, that’s a fish mail box all right.... can’t miss that... big ol’ wide mouthed bass can shove a lotta bills down that thing’s hatch.... ‘K, here’s the turn.... three more miles... think he said it’s on the left... Jesus, Jack, hope this ain’t gonna be our last trip together, but for some reason, I got an awful bad feelin’.......
***************
Ennis saw the sign.... actually it was a big rock with Bear Hugs painted in big red letters on it, and two black bears huggin’ up.... He flicked on his blinker and made a slow, careful turn into the driveway, could see Jack behind him makin’ the turn in his side view mirror, goofy grin on his face, laughin’ at the bears, no doubt. The driveway was long and curving but mostly flat, trees on one side, a moutain on the other. It ended up in a clearing with a small log cabin with a big front porch. Ennis drove past the cabin towards the back where he could see a fenced in place. The horses had never been cooped up in the trailer for so long before, and he was anxious to get them out.
Jack parked too, walked around the small front yard for a minute, then met up with Ennis at the rear end of the trailer where he was leading out Jack’s horse. “Cute,” Jack said, shootin’ another look over at the cabin.
Ennis blushed, feelin’ more stupid by the second. “Didn’t pick it ‘cause it’s cute. Was one a the only one’s came with a place for the horses.”
“Hmmph... how the hell’d you find this place anyway?” Jack took the lead rope, stepped away to make room for Ennis to back his horse out.
“Found it in the back of a fishin’ magazine.”
“Didn’t think you liked fishin’...”
“Don’t...” he answered, clickin’ softly to his nervous horse, gentle pulls on his lead.
“Then what the hell was you doin’ lookin’ at a fishin’ magazine?”
“Saw you lookin’ at those Playboy magazines back at the store....”
“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” Jack shot back, all the teasing gone out of his voice.
“Just what it sounds like.”
“You sayin’ I don’t like women?”
“Sayin’ I don’t think you’re fuckin’ the neighbor’s wife...” They stared at each other for a long, cold minute, all pretenses falling away in the harsh light of Ennis’s accusation, and that’s what it was... Ennis reached for the lead rope. “Give him here.... sun’s gettin’ low. I wanna get ‘em settled ‘fore it gets dark.” Jack passed him the rope without a word and Ennis lead the horses away.
************
Goddamn...... guess I don’t gotta worry about fuckin’ now... If I wanna make good ‘n sure this is our last trip together, I’m plowin’ down the right row.... Look you give me wasn’t nothin’ but piss ass ‘n vinegar.... Know I don’t need a be sayin’ shit like that to you right off, but fuck Jack, I just can’t help it.... so fuckin’ wired up about what you been doin’ can’t hardly think on nothin’ else.... Gotta get it out there, ‘fore it builds up and makes me do somethin’ really stupid, like throw another dirty punch... Bet it’d take a lot longer’n four years for you to get over a second one a those...
************
Jack was still where Ennis had left him when he went back ten minutes later to get the hay and food he’d brought for the horses. Jack didn’t move, just stayed leanin’ against his truck, boots crossed - arms too, staring off down the driveway they’d just come up.
“What’re we doin’, Ennis?” he asked, hollow-voiced, like he already knew nothing good was going to come of what was happening.
“Dunno, Jack. Guess we got some shit we need to talk about.”
Jack gave him a skeptical look. “You brought me up here to talk?”
Ennis nodded, held his gaze. “Yeah.”
Jack flexed his shoulders, once, twice... shot another look down the driveway. “You still want to?” he asked, and Ennis took his meaning right away. He was admitting to the thing Ennis had known in his soul.
Ennis let it sink into him for a minute, let the feeling of betrayal wash with the images of hurt and disappointment he’d seen so many times on Jack’s face... He’d known this was the way this was gonna go. There was good in life, and there was bad in life, wasn’t no way to make sense of any of it, no matter how smart you were, no matter how hard you tried. You just took it and did the best you could, tried to stand the hurts dealt to you by the people you couldn’t do without. Jack had been standing it from him for a long time. It was his turn to take it.
“Think there’s any point?”
“What’s that mean?”
Ennis looked him over, noted at last that it wasn’t a cigarette in his hand but a short pencil instead.... the mustache was gone, and so was part of the gut he’d been growin’ for the last few years...... “Looks like maybe you’re ready to move on.”
Jack looked away quickly, up at the sky turning a dozen different shades of dark blue and purple, eyes fallin’ back to earth, skitterin’ around the bushes and trees like hungry bees. When he turned back to Ennis, his face was calm. “Yeah, I am. But I’m here now. Ain’t done nothin’ yet.”
Ennis nodded, let out some air. “’K. I’m gonna finish up with the horses. Meet ya inside in a little bit. Here’s the key.” He tossed Jack the door key and headed back to the horses, arms full of feed and hay, heart full of misery, but like Jack said, he was here now. Maybe it wasn’t too late.
*************
Ennis took his time in the makeshift barn, givin’ himself a cushion of space to get settled with knowing this new thing, really knowing it. Everything in his whole life had changed in the span of two weeks... but it had started changing weeks before that, hurtling his spirit into unknown country with the words, “Yeah I been a Mexico.”
He’d been lotsa places besides Mexico.