Meeting You Halfway - 200 Miles More
Hey Guys!! I’m in a bar in the backwoods of Gatlinburg, which means mountains too, so my I-net connection SUX!!! I’ll be home Sunday... till then, I’m doing the best that I can, but my comments and replies are worser than usual, so sorry.... Love ya’ll... I’m having fun though, so that’s a good thing! Lotsa sex, says the Sweetie, and he’s right... :) Later, Bye!
PS: If you read the comments and notice that things folks quoted don't sound quite right, it's cause I screwed up the POV when I wrote it - not used to writing this way. Sorry, think I've got it all fixed now. My bad. Obviously, the BetaBabe didn't get a look-see at this before I posted. Oops! S!
200 Miles More
“Wish I knew how to quit you!” You yelled that at me, hot, bitter words scaldin’ my insides, branding me with guilt and fear in equal parts because God knows I rode the fence for years, doin’ just enough to hold you, never enough to match you...... The fear’s new.... maybe it’s been brewin’ for a while, but stayed down low till now, under cover..... “Yeah, I been a Mexico!” and that one truth was all it took to flush it out, and now it’s runnin’ me ragged with worry and nerves, eatin’ me alive with jealousy....
Goddamn I’m worse’n Junior when Jenny was born. Just ‘cause maybe I can understand you needin’ somethin’ else to keep yourself calm while we’re apart, don’t mean I can get right in my head with you bein’ with another guy. Was bad enough you bein’ with Lureen. Tried not to think on that too much, always did my best to keep that part a our lives separate, ‘cause no way to think we could stay married and not fuck, but it got me riled whenever I thought about ya’ll together, so’s best just not to think on it. I fucked up that one time, asked you how it was with Lureen, if it was normal and all. When you said yeah, like it was no big deal - that was a fuckin’ kick in the nuts, ‘cause by then wasn’t nothin’ normal ‘bout what was happenin’ between me and Alma.
This last time we was together, you tossed that bullshit out there ‘bout slippin’ off to see the neighbor’s wife, liable to get shot.... Didn’t sound right even then, but I let it slide, just glad for once I had somethin’ to throw back... Yeah Bud, I’m gettin’ some myself, ain’t sittin’ at home wringin’ it out thinkin’ ‘bout you all the damn time, got a woman to fuck for a change.....
But things got bad the next mornin’ and you started talkin’ ‘bout Mexico.... Heard some talk myself once or twice about what a man could buy down in Mexico. The men I heard were braggin’ ‘bout the women whores, but said there were parts a town where you could buy the same thing from a man.... “Don’t get lost!” they’d said, shit-faced and laughin’ in their beers.
“Yeah, I been a Mexico!” didn’t mean no sight-seein’ trip, and there damn sure wasn’t no call to be sellin’ tractors down there. You went to Mexico for the fuckin’, I know that, and if you wanted it bad enough to take that kinda chance, was real hard to believe you was riskin’ your neck for the ranch neighbor’s wife. More likely for the Goddamned rancher hisself!
Whap!!!
Son of a bitch! Goddamn pot holes! Gonna kill myself and my horses too if I don’t quit thinkin’ about that shit! Gotta get over it! It’s already done happened - can’t do nothin’ ‘bout it now... Got two choices left... forget about that or forget about you, and after twenty fuckin’ years guess you ain’t gonna be too easy to forget. ‘Sides, I already done had this fight with myself a hundred times.... ain’t fair to fly off the handle now when I never staked no claims on you in all these years. Never did, ‘cause I had nothin’ to give you back. Still ain’t got much - just me...
That used to be enough, though.... used to be what you wanted. Guess if that ain’t the case no more, it’s just as well for me to find out now.... no point in waitin’ till November, hopin’ maybe you’ll still be around, spendin’ the time in between thinkin’ on you with that other guy, wonderin’ if you’re bein’ careful, wonderin’ if I’ll be able to stand the knowin’ next time we meet up..... If you show this time, and if you want us to keep goin’, that shit’s gotta stop.....
And yeah, I know you’ll pull out a list a shit for me to change as long as your fuckin’ arm. Probably do need to do a little different.... gettin’ fuckin’ old and cranky and ain’t even forty yet. Girls on me all the damned time... “Daddy, you need more furniture!” ... “Daddy, you can’t live on chilli and beer forever!”... “Daddy, why don’t you let us get you some new clothes?” ... “Daddy, if you don’t start smilin’ sometimes, your face is gonna freeze like that!"
They was sorta teasin’ when they said that last one, but I got a look at myself in a picture window the other day and it was fuckin’ scary even to me.... damn! ‘Course, guess that was to be expected since I was goin’ to the damned dentist’s office to get my tooth filled so’s I might be able to smile if the occasion was ever to come up again when I needed to.
Funny how things work out, though, ‘cause while I was coolin’ my heels in the waitin’ room, I accidentally found out it’s gonna take a lot more’n a new pair a britches and a fillin’ to get me up to snuff. Got stuck readin’ Red Book Magazine ‘cause there wasn’t nothin’ else and I sure as shit didn’t wanna sit there thinkin’ about what was fixin’ to happen in my mouth. Flipped right to a page showin’ a guy in bed and a woman leanin’ down over him, kissin’ him. Had to stop and look at that, then I saw the title, What Real Men Need in Bed. Well shit.... wasn’t nobody else there to see, and since I’d already figured out I wasn’t makin’ that grade with you no more neither, I started readin’ it.
Sure as shit, accordin’ to these folks, I ain’t doin’ nothin’ right. Eighties men need to be loved on and appreciated - that shit ain’t just for women no more - and I’m pretty damn sure if I was to get up the nerve to ask you, you’d tell me loud an’ clear that I ain’t meetin’ none a those requirements.
I ain’t never thought two shits about that stuff myself.... course I ain’t much of a modern man for sure. Used to try to make nice with Alma a little bit - foreplay is what the magazine called it - did that some I guess, but damn.... Once Jenny was born, she was always beat down from takin’ care a the girls, and I was fuckin’ dead tired from workin’ all day.... Most a the time we both just wanted to get off and get to sleep. After me an’ you started meetin’ up again, I hardly never did right by her no more, didn’t even try, and wasn’t long till she didn’t care ‘bout it neither.... probably bonin’ Monroe by then.... guess he’s a sensitive son of a bitch....
From where you been layin’, guess things probably ain’t been so hot for you neither.... but it wasn’t ‘cause I didn’t wanna do shit with you or say somethin’ nice.... It was just ‘cause I was either too damned horny or too damned scared to ever get it right..... Fuck... every time we ever been together, from the very first time I fucked you to the very last time just a few months ago, I been so starved for you that I can’t hardly control myself, fuckin’ tacklin’ you as soon as you make a move or I get my nerve up, and by then I ain’t hardly nothin’ but a dick with arms and legs attached, holdin’ you down and poundin’ you into the ground ‘cause I can’t fuckin’ stop myself.
By the time a coupla days get gone and you got me wore down some, maybe we could go slow and do that stuff like they said in the magazine, but still don’t seem like we ever do. Yeah, we do some other stuff.... kiss some and play grab ass and suck on each others'.... cocks....Goddamn can’t believe this is me thinkin’ this shit, but it is, Ennis... it is... But anyway, once we get goin’, it don’t never take but a coupla minutes till one of us is pushin’ the other one down and goin’ for it.... We’re like fuckin’ cats in heat when we get together, goin’ at it or wantin’ to every chance we get.
Could be you want more’n what we’re doin’, in every way. And maybe you’re gettin’ it from this other guy.... somebody regular to be with, probably get to see him around town, eat breakfast at the diner or drink a few beers and shoot pool on Friday night. Stuff guys do - stuff I wanna do with you if I get the chance, ‘cause it don’t mean nothin’.... The whole fuckin’ world ain’t gonna stop turnin’ and look just ‘cause two guys spent a coupla hours hangin’ around a bar. Ain’t nobody’s business where we go or what we do after... just gotta be careful is all.... real fuckin’ careful......
Shit I’m gettin’ close now... just got about fifty miles to go... Hope I don’t have to pull over and puke, but my fuckin’ stomach’s in a hundred knots.... Exit comin’ up.... Maybe I’ll stop for a minute, need gas anyway, take a leak and get me a Coke.... Should be there in about an hour, right on time.... Don’t know what the fuck I’m doin’, not really, but maybe it’ll be ok.... If you’ll just be there one more time, the rest’ll be ok.....