Free Fall: The Key to Everything
I loved the movie Free Fall. I watched it several times this past summer and the vids are awesome!! morrobay1990 turned me on to it and has written a wonderful story called Breathe Evenly, which follows up where the movie left off. (She's also posted several vids on her LJ if you want to watch some.)
Inspired by her, I wrote this small piece about Kay giving Marc the key to his apartment and how they both feel about that. It was supposed to be about what happened the first time Marc visited, but it turned out to be more of an emotional exploration than a sensual one. Le sigh… Anyway, here’s the snippet from Nancy’s story that got me started, and then my little bit follows. If you haven’t seen the movie, this won’t make even a little bit of sense. L
“He almost slept through the whole night...this time the dream was of the time Marc, a few days after Kai had given him a key, had shown up at Kai’s apartment unexpectedly, and late - after midnight...came in so quiet he didn’t even hear him...but then Kai felt the covers being pulled back...felt Marc get in bed...smelled the soap he used...felt his hand on him...then his mouth...
And after...it had been the first time Marc had stayed the night, the first time Kai started to realize he was falling in love...he had woken early and watched Marc sleep, thinking of all the problems that could come up, but helpless to hold back his feelings...
For Kai, things were different after that...but for Marc, things remained the same.” Breathe Evenly, Chapter Two, by Morrobay1990
The Key to Everything
It was warm that day, late-afternoon sunshine warming skin that was already flushed with a different kind of heat. Marc was happy, sated, living in the moment. He wasn’t thinking about Bettina or the baby or work- the future was nothing but a blur at the edge of his mind. If anything, he was still basking in the sense memory of Kay’s body and the hour they’d just spent in his bed. It was stolen time and later he’d have to make up a lie to explain it away. He might even feel guilty about it then, faced with his pregnant girlfriend, but not now when he could still taste Kay on his tongue and his body still hummed with the remnants of pleasure. Now all he cared about was these last few minutes before he had to leave, a cigarette with Kay, maybe plans for the next time they could be together.
He wanted it again. At first he’d fought it, hated the way Kay made him feel, but Kay hadn’t let go, had gone so far as to transfer to his unit, and seeing him every day, working close with him, well, Marc couldn’t hold out forever. Maybe he was weak- definitely he was weak. Kay gave him something he’d never had before, made him feel good in a way he’d never even known was possible, and how was he supposed to walk away from that? If he was strong, he’d find a way- Bettina and the baby should be his main focus now, along with his career. He was too old to still be thinking with his dick like a silly teenager, but he was doing it anyway because he was weak and he wanted to feel the way only Kay could make him feel more than he wanted anything else.
It would pass, this thing with Kay. That was the light at the end of the tunnel for Marc, the knowledge that it would pass, probably soon, and then he’d be able to go back to how he was before, in love with Bettina, a good father to his son, a dedicated policeman, satisfied with his lot in life. They just needed to do it a few more times and then it would start to get old, just like everything else always did. Kay might be pissed at first, but he wasn’t stupid - he knew that with the baby on the way, Marc’s life was already set and that nothing between them could last.
But realistically, Kay probably didn’t want it to last anyway. It wasn’t as if he was out at work, and he didn’t seem like the settling-down type to Marc. He was more into the club scene, partying every night, smoking weed like it was going out of style, and who knew what else… Marc was way too stale for that lifestyle. Kay’d be bored with him in no time if they hooked up for real.
Not that that was going to happen, not that Marc was even remotely thinking about it. It wasn’t, he wasn’t, Kay wasn’t. What they were doing was just a thing and it would die on its own soon enough- Marc just wanted to enjoy the ride till it was over without overthinking it to death.
That afternoon, his thoughts were already moving towards next time, eyes running over Kay, wondering if maybe they had enough time and energy to take it back to bed once more but he knew they didn’t - Bettina was probably already wondering where he was. He needed to say goodbye but as he stepped out into the sunshine, he realized that he didn’t want to leave. In his version of a perfect world, he’d hang out with Kay all afternoon, drink a few beers, put on a C.D. and cook out on the balcony while the sun went down behind the city.
He was thinking on all those things as he joined Kay on the balcony - Kay stretched out on the bed beneath him, so willing, so giving, and then later, steaks on the grill, ice cold beers, catching a game on T.V. - Marc pulling on his shirt to go even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. Kay was propped against the half-wall, sun gleaming on his pale skin, highlighting a faint bruise where Marc had bitten down a little too hard. He remembered the way Kay’s flesh had felt in his teeth, the give of it, Kay’s gasp, and his dick pulsed with the memory but there was nothing he could do.
Kay smiled at him and Marc smiled back, unsettled by his own thoughts and - as always - unsure what to say. He never had the right words, never had, not with his parents, never with women, so why should things be different with Kay? They weren’t.
“Ever thought of just leaving it all behind? Taking off and starting over?” Kay asked casually, his words catching Marc completely off guard. Marc had been expecting a jibe about coming too fast again - Kay turned his stamina to shit - or maybe even something about work, but he hadn’t been ready for anything like that, and instead of taking time to think he just blundered forward blindly like his usual bull in a china shop.
“No. Not really.”
He smiled to soften his words but that didn’t help. It was the wrong answer - that much was clearly written on Kay’s face for a few short seconds before he blinked it all away. Marc wasn’t a good liar - he hated doing it with Bettina and he didn’t even want to start with Kay, but obviously telling the truth wasn’t any good either. Kay hadn’t been ready for him to say no, had expected to hear something different, and maybe after what they’d just done, Marc could understand that. They weren’t just fucking for the sake of getting off anymore. Even he could see that.
But they weren’t in love either, and that was never going to be an option for them. Marc’s life was already set - he was committed to Bettina and the baby and that wasn’t going to change. And even if he did dream of something different, his dreams wouldn’t involve Kay. They couldn’t. He wasn’t gay - maybe this wasn’t just sex anymore, but wanting to spend the afternoon wasn’t the same as wanting to make a life with another man, no matter how fantastic the fucking was. Running away and starting over, leaving behind his responsibilities and his family? No way! Yes, he was weak, but not that weak. Kay was a distraction, for sure, but nothing more. Marc would come out the other side of this the same as before. He would.
Then Kay opened his hand and they both looked down to see what he held: one key on a cheap plastic tab, and Marc’s stomach rolled because he knew what that meant… It meant more and freedom and anytime-you-want. It was temptation like an apple from The Tree, and like Adam in the garden before him, everything else faded away and Marc was powerless to say no.
*****
He would stash the key in the inside pocket of his coat. Bettina would never see it there, but if she did happen to find it, he would just tell her it was the key to his room at the barracks. He came up with that story on the way home from Kay’s, the key burning hot against his thigh where he’d stuffed it in the front pocket of his jeans.
Having it didn’t mean he had to use it, he reminded himself. He shouldn’t have even taken it, but he'd been caught off guard yet again and he’d already disappointed Kay once - he didn’t want to do it again. Taking it had put a smile back on his face and that had mattered most in the moment.
But that didn’t mean he ever had to use it. He could just keep it for a while, and in a few weeks, once things had started to cool off between them, he could offer it back. Or maybe Kay would ask for it back. He could easily meet someone else. Unlike Marc, Kay really was a free agent and he wasn’t shy about going for what he wanted. Marc knew he was boring compared to what Kay was used to. Kay would no doubt tire of him soon enough and want his key back so he could give it to another man, one who could give him what he wanted.
Marc didn’t let his mind linger over that inevitable eventuality - that this thing between him and Kay would end and Kay would find someone else. It had to happen that way - there was no other choice, whether he liked it or not. Till then, though, even if he didn’t use his key, he planned to make the most of his opportunities. The sex was hot as hell and he couldn’t imagine anything like this ever coming his way again.
Of course it wouldn’t. He wasn’t gay and guys didn’t just randomly hit on him, other than Kay. Even if another guy did come on to him, Marc would shut him down cold. He still wasn’t sure how Kay managed to break through his defenses. His only explanation was that it was the lure of dirty, forbidden sex just as things were starting to get awkward with Bettina, what with the baby right there between them and his parents on the other side of the wall. It was too much for Marc - too many people in his bed, his future closing in on him like a prison door - and a fling with Kay had been a way to break free from all of that.
That’s all it was - one last walk on the wild side before the baby came and changed everything forever. It wasn’t anything like the last breath of freedom that Marc would’ve imagined for himself but it was working all the same and he wasn’t going to beat himself up over it. Soon enough it would all be over and life would go back to normal with no one the wiser, but till then, he planned to ride the wave for all it was worth.
*****
Kay knew not to expect anything. He wasn’t dumb and this wasn’t his first time with a guy who was neither gay nor free. He knew the score. Last time, though, the guy didn’t matter so much, was just somebody to fuck at the end of a bad day when the drugs and the club noise weren’t quite enough to blot out the emptiness of his life. Marc wasn’t supposed to happen. He sure wasn’t supposed to matter.
But maybe Kay was dumb after all, because he never seemed to pick the right guys or the right jobs or the right anything, and he ended up fucking up more often than not because of it. And giving Marc the key to his apartment was basically giving him carte blanche to fuck him over, and Kay wasn’t sure he could handle that when it happened. Not from Marc. He was already in over his head and yeah, that made him definitely dumb, but it was too late to undo what had already happened. He was falling for Marc and Marc was doing just enough things right to make him hope he had a chance even though the thinking part of his brain was shouting, “No! No! No!”
Unfortunately for him, he wasn’t listening up there; he was listening with his heart and his dick and they were both fully on board and ready to take a chance on getting hurt because in the meantime they were getting what they wanted and that was all they really cared about. The future was miles away; the moment at hand was all that mattered to them. The facts that Marc was ultimately committed to his girlfriend and his baby, and that they worked with a squad of homophobes who would never give them a minute’s peace if they found out about them, were all just annoying white noise compared to how every time they got together, Marc kissed him like he was starving for it, and then there was the harsh, guttural cry Marc could never quite swallow when Kay made him come. Those were the things that made Kay stupid, made him secretly hope for impossible things, and - in a moment of afterglow weakness - made him give Marc the key to his apartment.
*****
Kay was beginning to wonder if Marc was going to ever use the key. Almost a week had gone by and he’d never once mentioned it. They’d gotten together once after work, beers with a few of the guys, then Marc had followed him home, but he’d left soon after and Kay had gone to sleep alone and lonely. It wasn’t what Kay wanted but it was better than nothing and every time they were together, Kay imagined that he felt their bond growing stronger. The next day at work, though, when Marc had looked at him with his blank, nothing face, Kay wondered if he was making it all up. Maybe Marc was just fucking him because he could, like the football captain back in school. Kay had realized early on that being a bottom meant guys would try to take advantage. He’d made it a point not to let that happen and usually Kay was good at running the show, but Marc had slipped in under his guard and Kay wasn’t taking care of himself like he usually did.
It was a Wednesday and Kay’d gotten off early. He’d gone for a run, thought about going out but decided to give his body a break. Wednesday wasn’t a great night to go out anyway, and even though Marc was still fucking Bettina, Kay wasn’t interested in hooking up with anyone else. That right there should’ve been reason enough to make him go out anyway, but he didn’t. He went to the market and picked up a few things, then went home and made dinner. His cooking skills weren’t great, but over the years he’d learned enough to survive, and staying home felt good for a change. He took his food into the living room and watched a movie, then flicked through the channels, watching bits and pieces of sports clips and talk shows till his eyes crossed. He smoked and drank till he was buzzed enough to sleep, dropped his dishes in the sink and his clothes on the floor, then crawled into bed. The sheets were cool and he left the door to the balcony open so the air was fresh and crisp as he drifted off to sleep, his lullaby the distant sounds of the city at night, car engines and sirens and the odd slamming door.
*****
He shouldn’t go. He should go home to Bettina, Marc knew it, but Kay’s key was hot in his pocket, burning like a brand sizzling into him to the point where when he undressed he was surprised not to see the shape of it emblazoned on his skin. He’d had the key for days and his resistance was all used up, so towards the end of his evening shift on Wednesday he called Bettina and told her that he had to work over, adding that if it ran too long, he might end up crashing there for the night. It was a lie backed by a history of truth so she didn’t question him, just murmured sympathetic noises that used to be what he wanted to hear and now made him feel like a criminal. He was a terrible person, way too old to be a slave to his dick, and neither Bettina nor Kay deserved what he was doing to them. But knowing that truth did nothing to change the facts of his situation. He wanted what he wanted and that was that.
The city was quiet, all the respectable people already in for the night, and he cruised down the empty streets unseen, horny and guilty and defiant. He found a place down the block from Kay’s apartment and parked, locked the VW and jogged to the building. By the time the elevator doors closed in front of him he was jittery, almost bouncing in the car as it rose ponderously to Kay’s floor. As he stepped out into the hallway, he swiped his palms on his jeans, then reached into his pocket and pulled out the key, fingers brushing close to his dick which was already awake and humming, echoing every nervous beat of his heart.
At the rate he was going, he’d be fully hard before he even got inside, and he could imagine Kay’s satisfied smirk when he saw how needy Marc was for him. It made Marc feel vulnerable in a way that wanting Bettina never had, and although he wasn’t usually so insightful, it didn’t take a genius to realize the reason why. If he and Bettina ever split up, another girl would come along to take her place, but when this thing with Kay ended, there wouldn’t be anyone else to take his place.
Marc swallowed hard on that knowledge, his excitement edged with a bitter taint as he closed the door quietly behind him and pocketed his key. Walking in alone that first time was hard. Walking away alone the last time was going to be hell.
Inspired by her, I wrote this small piece about Kay giving Marc the key to his apartment and how they both feel about that. It was supposed to be about what happened the first time Marc visited, but it turned out to be more of an emotional exploration than a sensual one. Le sigh… Anyway, here’s the snippet from Nancy’s story that got me started, and then my little bit follows. If you haven’t seen the movie, this won’t make even a little bit of sense. L
“He almost slept through the whole night...this time the dream was of the time Marc, a few days after Kai had given him a key, had shown up at Kai’s apartment unexpectedly, and late - after midnight...came in so quiet he didn’t even hear him...but then Kai felt the covers being pulled back...felt Marc get in bed...smelled the soap he used...felt his hand on him...then his mouth...
And after...it had been the first time Marc had stayed the night, the first time Kai started to realize he was falling in love...he had woken early and watched Marc sleep, thinking of all the problems that could come up, but helpless to hold back his feelings...
For Kai, things were different after that...but for Marc, things remained the same.” Breathe Evenly, Chapter Two, by Morrobay1990
The Key to Everything
It was warm that day, late-afternoon sunshine warming skin that was already flushed with a different kind of heat. Marc was happy, sated, living in the moment. He wasn’t thinking about Bettina or the baby or work- the future was nothing but a blur at the edge of his mind. If anything, he was still basking in the sense memory of Kay’s body and the hour they’d just spent in his bed. It was stolen time and later he’d have to make up a lie to explain it away. He might even feel guilty about it then, faced with his pregnant girlfriend, but not now when he could still taste Kay on his tongue and his body still hummed with the remnants of pleasure. Now all he cared about was these last few minutes before he had to leave, a cigarette with Kay, maybe plans for the next time they could be together.
He wanted it again. At first he’d fought it, hated the way Kay made him feel, but Kay hadn’t let go, had gone so far as to transfer to his unit, and seeing him every day, working close with him, well, Marc couldn’t hold out forever. Maybe he was weak- definitely he was weak. Kay gave him something he’d never had before, made him feel good in a way he’d never even known was possible, and how was he supposed to walk away from that? If he was strong, he’d find a way- Bettina and the baby should be his main focus now, along with his career. He was too old to still be thinking with his dick like a silly teenager, but he was doing it anyway because he was weak and he wanted to feel the way only Kay could make him feel more than he wanted anything else.
It would pass, this thing with Kay. That was the light at the end of the tunnel for Marc, the knowledge that it would pass, probably soon, and then he’d be able to go back to how he was before, in love with Bettina, a good father to his son, a dedicated policeman, satisfied with his lot in life. They just needed to do it a few more times and then it would start to get old, just like everything else always did. Kay might be pissed at first, but he wasn’t stupid - he knew that with the baby on the way, Marc’s life was already set and that nothing between them could last.
But realistically, Kay probably didn’t want it to last anyway. It wasn’t as if he was out at work, and he didn’t seem like the settling-down type to Marc. He was more into the club scene, partying every night, smoking weed like it was going out of style, and who knew what else… Marc was way too stale for that lifestyle. Kay’d be bored with him in no time if they hooked up for real.
Not that that was going to happen, not that Marc was even remotely thinking about it. It wasn’t, he wasn’t, Kay wasn’t. What they were doing was just a thing and it would die on its own soon enough- Marc just wanted to enjoy the ride till it was over without overthinking it to death.
That afternoon, his thoughts were already moving towards next time, eyes running over Kay, wondering if maybe they had enough time and energy to take it back to bed once more but he knew they didn’t - Bettina was probably already wondering where he was. He needed to say goodbye but as he stepped out into the sunshine, he realized that he didn’t want to leave. In his version of a perfect world, he’d hang out with Kay all afternoon, drink a few beers, put on a C.D. and cook out on the balcony while the sun went down behind the city.
He was thinking on all those things as he joined Kay on the balcony - Kay stretched out on the bed beneath him, so willing, so giving, and then later, steaks on the grill, ice cold beers, catching a game on T.V. - Marc pulling on his shirt to go even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. Kay was propped against the half-wall, sun gleaming on his pale skin, highlighting a faint bruise where Marc had bitten down a little too hard. He remembered the way Kay’s flesh had felt in his teeth, the give of it, Kay’s gasp, and his dick pulsed with the memory but there was nothing he could do.
Kay smiled at him and Marc smiled back, unsettled by his own thoughts and - as always - unsure what to say. He never had the right words, never had, not with his parents, never with women, so why should things be different with Kay? They weren’t.
“Ever thought of just leaving it all behind? Taking off and starting over?” Kay asked casually, his words catching Marc completely off guard. Marc had been expecting a jibe about coming too fast again - Kay turned his stamina to shit - or maybe even something about work, but he hadn’t been ready for anything like that, and instead of taking time to think he just blundered forward blindly like his usual bull in a china shop.
“No. Not really.”
He smiled to soften his words but that didn’t help. It was the wrong answer - that much was clearly written on Kay’s face for a few short seconds before he blinked it all away. Marc wasn’t a good liar - he hated doing it with Bettina and he didn’t even want to start with Kay, but obviously telling the truth wasn’t any good either. Kay hadn’t been ready for him to say no, had expected to hear something different, and maybe after what they’d just done, Marc could understand that. They weren’t just fucking for the sake of getting off anymore. Even he could see that.
But they weren’t in love either, and that was never going to be an option for them. Marc’s life was already set - he was committed to Bettina and the baby and that wasn’t going to change. And even if he did dream of something different, his dreams wouldn’t involve Kay. They couldn’t. He wasn’t gay - maybe this wasn’t just sex anymore, but wanting to spend the afternoon wasn’t the same as wanting to make a life with another man, no matter how fantastic the fucking was. Running away and starting over, leaving behind his responsibilities and his family? No way! Yes, he was weak, but not that weak. Kay was a distraction, for sure, but nothing more. Marc would come out the other side of this the same as before. He would.
Then Kay opened his hand and they both looked down to see what he held: one key on a cheap plastic tab, and Marc’s stomach rolled because he knew what that meant… It meant more and freedom and anytime-you-want. It was temptation like an apple from The Tree, and like Adam in the garden before him, everything else faded away and Marc was powerless to say no.
*****
He would stash the key in the inside pocket of his coat. Bettina would never see it there, but if she did happen to find it, he would just tell her it was the key to his room at the barracks. He came up with that story on the way home from Kay’s, the key burning hot against his thigh where he’d stuffed it in the front pocket of his jeans.
Having it didn’t mean he had to use it, he reminded himself. He shouldn’t have even taken it, but he'd been caught off guard yet again and he’d already disappointed Kay once - he didn’t want to do it again. Taking it had put a smile back on his face and that had mattered most in the moment.
But that didn’t mean he ever had to use it. He could just keep it for a while, and in a few weeks, once things had started to cool off between them, he could offer it back. Or maybe Kay would ask for it back. He could easily meet someone else. Unlike Marc, Kay really was a free agent and he wasn’t shy about going for what he wanted. Marc knew he was boring compared to what Kay was used to. Kay would no doubt tire of him soon enough and want his key back so he could give it to another man, one who could give him what he wanted.
Marc didn’t let his mind linger over that inevitable eventuality - that this thing between him and Kay would end and Kay would find someone else. It had to happen that way - there was no other choice, whether he liked it or not. Till then, though, even if he didn’t use his key, he planned to make the most of his opportunities. The sex was hot as hell and he couldn’t imagine anything like this ever coming his way again.
Of course it wouldn’t. He wasn’t gay and guys didn’t just randomly hit on him, other than Kay. Even if another guy did come on to him, Marc would shut him down cold. He still wasn’t sure how Kay managed to break through his defenses. His only explanation was that it was the lure of dirty, forbidden sex just as things were starting to get awkward with Bettina, what with the baby right there between them and his parents on the other side of the wall. It was too much for Marc - too many people in his bed, his future closing in on him like a prison door - and a fling with Kay had been a way to break free from all of that.
That’s all it was - one last walk on the wild side before the baby came and changed everything forever. It wasn’t anything like the last breath of freedom that Marc would’ve imagined for himself but it was working all the same and he wasn’t going to beat himself up over it. Soon enough it would all be over and life would go back to normal with no one the wiser, but till then, he planned to ride the wave for all it was worth.
*****
Kay knew not to expect anything. He wasn’t dumb and this wasn’t his first time with a guy who was neither gay nor free. He knew the score. Last time, though, the guy didn’t matter so much, was just somebody to fuck at the end of a bad day when the drugs and the club noise weren’t quite enough to blot out the emptiness of his life. Marc wasn’t supposed to happen. He sure wasn’t supposed to matter.
But maybe Kay was dumb after all, because he never seemed to pick the right guys or the right jobs or the right anything, and he ended up fucking up more often than not because of it. And giving Marc the key to his apartment was basically giving him carte blanche to fuck him over, and Kay wasn’t sure he could handle that when it happened. Not from Marc. He was already in over his head and yeah, that made him definitely dumb, but it was too late to undo what had already happened. He was falling for Marc and Marc was doing just enough things right to make him hope he had a chance even though the thinking part of his brain was shouting, “No! No! No!”
Unfortunately for him, he wasn’t listening up there; he was listening with his heart and his dick and they were both fully on board and ready to take a chance on getting hurt because in the meantime they were getting what they wanted and that was all they really cared about. The future was miles away; the moment at hand was all that mattered to them. The facts that Marc was ultimately committed to his girlfriend and his baby, and that they worked with a squad of homophobes who would never give them a minute’s peace if they found out about them, were all just annoying white noise compared to how every time they got together, Marc kissed him like he was starving for it, and then there was the harsh, guttural cry Marc could never quite swallow when Kay made him come. Those were the things that made Kay stupid, made him secretly hope for impossible things, and - in a moment of afterglow weakness - made him give Marc the key to his apartment.
*****
Kay was beginning to wonder if Marc was going to ever use the key. Almost a week had gone by and he’d never once mentioned it. They’d gotten together once after work, beers with a few of the guys, then Marc had followed him home, but he’d left soon after and Kay had gone to sleep alone and lonely. It wasn’t what Kay wanted but it was better than nothing and every time they were together, Kay imagined that he felt their bond growing stronger. The next day at work, though, when Marc had looked at him with his blank, nothing face, Kay wondered if he was making it all up. Maybe Marc was just fucking him because he could, like the football captain back in school. Kay had realized early on that being a bottom meant guys would try to take advantage. He’d made it a point not to let that happen and usually Kay was good at running the show, but Marc had slipped in under his guard and Kay wasn’t taking care of himself like he usually did.
It was a Wednesday and Kay’d gotten off early. He’d gone for a run, thought about going out but decided to give his body a break. Wednesday wasn’t a great night to go out anyway, and even though Marc was still fucking Bettina, Kay wasn’t interested in hooking up with anyone else. That right there should’ve been reason enough to make him go out anyway, but he didn’t. He went to the market and picked up a few things, then went home and made dinner. His cooking skills weren’t great, but over the years he’d learned enough to survive, and staying home felt good for a change. He took his food into the living room and watched a movie, then flicked through the channels, watching bits and pieces of sports clips and talk shows till his eyes crossed. He smoked and drank till he was buzzed enough to sleep, dropped his dishes in the sink and his clothes on the floor, then crawled into bed. The sheets were cool and he left the door to the balcony open so the air was fresh and crisp as he drifted off to sleep, his lullaby the distant sounds of the city at night, car engines and sirens and the odd slamming door.
*****
He shouldn’t go. He should go home to Bettina, Marc knew it, but Kay’s key was hot in his pocket, burning like a brand sizzling into him to the point where when he undressed he was surprised not to see the shape of it emblazoned on his skin. He’d had the key for days and his resistance was all used up, so towards the end of his evening shift on Wednesday he called Bettina and told her that he had to work over, adding that if it ran too long, he might end up crashing there for the night. It was a lie backed by a history of truth so she didn’t question him, just murmured sympathetic noises that used to be what he wanted to hear and now made him feel like a criminal. He was a terrible person, way too old to be a slave to his dick, and neither Bettina nor Kay deserved what he was doing to them. But knowing that truth did nothing to change the facts of his situation. He wanted what he wanted and that was that.
The city was quiet, all the respectable people already in for the night, and he cruised down the empty streets unseen, horny and guilty and defiant. He found a place down the block from Kay’s apartment and parked, locked the VW and jogged to the building. By the time the elevator doors closed in front of him he was jittery, almost bouncing in the car as it rose ponderously to Kay’s floor. As he stepped out into the hallway, he swiped his palms on his jeans, then reached into his pocket and pulled out the key, fingers brushing close to his dick which was already awake and humming, echoing every nervous beat of his heart.
At the rate he was going, he’d be fully hard before he even got inside, and he could imagine Kay’s satisfied smirk when he saw how needy Marc was for him. It made Marc feel vulnerable in a way that wanting Bettina never had, and although he wasn’t usually so insightful, it didn’t take a genius to realize the reason why. If he and Bettina ever split up, another girl would come along to take her place, but when this thing with Kay ended, there wouldn’t be anyone else to take his place.
Marc swallowed hard on that knowledge, his excitement edged with a bitter taint as he closed the door quietly behind him and pocketed his key. Walking in alone that first time was hard. Walking away alone the last time was going to be hell.