Superheroes: Tragedy and The Impossible
Doctor Tragedy always seemed to have the worst luck. A year ago, he'd tried to defeat The Impossible, only to instead destroy a parasite that had turned the superhero evil. Last month, his scheme to kidnap the royalty of Africa had ended up pillaging a Nigerian spammer's house and revealing connections with a child sex-slavery ring, which he'd felt compelled by his sense of nausea to turn over to the authorities. Today, his death ray that was meant to destroy the moon, instead destroyed the giant asteroid that Astral Horror had pulled into a collision course with the planet, and the Impossible had tracked the ray down and arrived to congratulate him. Sort of.
The Impossible sighed. "You seem to have saved Earth again."
The Doctor made a confused and upset face. "I keep doing that." He turned toward a minion. "Why do I keep doing that?"
The minion kept a straight face as he said, "I don't know, Sir."
The Impossible managed to keep himself from making a facepalm gesture and continued, "As per usual, because you saved the planet and didn't actually harm anyone, I can't arrest you. Please make sure to keep the particle cannon turned toward actual threats and not the moon."
The Doctor sighed, and waved off The Impossible. "Fine. Since you know about it now, I'm sure you'll be watching for signs of activation. It's not like the system doesn't have a powerful electromagnetic signature just before firing."
The Impossible nodded, staying put. "Yes, well. I think I need to finally ask you something. Would you be willing to consider being a hero instead? It seems like your luck is trying to tell you something."
Doctor Tragedy pulled himself straight and stiff. "Sir, I will NOT call myself Doctor Comedy!" Minions around the room tried to stifle laughter, but several couldn't help themselves.
This time The Impossible actually did facepalm.
After a few moments, a minion (the smart one) spoke up. "Sir? Perhaps if you tried being an anti-hero? Some of them actually get paid for their work."
The Doctor considered this. "What is your name, minion?"
"James, Sir."
"James, what name would you suggest for me?"
"Sir, I think as an anti-hero, you might be able to keep the name. People would shorten 'Doctor' to 'Doc', but they do now anyway."
"Thank you, James. You are now my advisor. Please accept the raise in pay commensurate with this position."
The Impossible frowned. "You pay your minions?"
The Doctor gave him a look. "The only people who fight for free are trying to conquer their leaders! I'd rather have them loyal to me."
"I see. If it's okay, I'm going to return to my own secret lair and take care of a few other things today."
"I cannot make you come or go unless I dabble in magic, and such things are not for this scientist. Do as you will."
"I'll be in touch."
The Impossible left, and Doc Tragedy went into the nearby meeting room with his new advisor to work over the details of being an anti-hero.
The Impossible sighed. "You seem to have saved Earth again."
The Doctor made a confused and upset face. "I keep doing that." He turned toward a minion. "Why do I keep doing that?"
The minion kept a straight face as he said, "I don't know, Sir."
The Impossible managed to keep himself from making a facepalm gesture and continued, "As per usual, because you saved the planet and didn't actually harm anyone, I can't arrest you. Please make sure to keep the particle cannon turned toward actual threats and not the moon."
The Doctor sighed, and waved off The Impossible. "Fine. Since you know about it now, I'm sure you'll be watching for signs of activation. It's not like the system doesn't have a powerful electromagnetic signature just before firing."
The Impossible nodded, staying put. "Yes, well. I think I need to finally ask you something. Would you be willing to consider being a hero instead? It seems like your luck is trying to tell you something."
Doctor Tragedy pulled himself straight and stiff. "Sir, I will NOT call myself Doctor Comedy!" Minions around the room tried to stifle laughter, but several couldn't help themselves.
This time The Impossible actually did facepalm.
After a few moments, a minion (the smart one) spoke up. "Sir? Perhaps if you tried being an anti-hero? Some of them actually get paid for their work."
The Doctor considered this. "What is your name, minion?"
"James, Sir."
"James, what name would you suggest for me?"
"Sir, I think as an anti-hero, you might be able to keep the name. People would shorten 'Doctor' to 'Doc', but they do now anyway."
"Thank you, James. You are now my advisor. Please accept the raise in pay commensurate with this position."
The Impossible frowned. "You pay your minions?"
The Doctor gave him a look. "The only people who fight for free are trying to conquer their leaders! I'd rather have them loyal to me."
"I see. If it's okay, I'm going to return to my own secret lair and take care of a few other things today."
"I cannot make you come or go unless I dabble in magic, and such things are not for this scientist. Do as you will."
"I'll be in touch."
The Impossible left, and Doc Tragedy went into the nearby meeting room with his new advisor to work over the details of being an anti-hero.