Things Are Getting Way Out Of Control
I'm sorry if I've been neglectful lately of my LJ duties as it were. I haven't been on the internet much at all lately primarily because of the incidents that have occured over the past week. I don't even know if something like this is even appropriate to be posting but I feel there is little else I can do at this point. It's not like I'm going to work today and I've just been laying around the house depressed so...I dunno.
For those of you that have been reading my past couple entries you know that I finally got around to telling my ex off and that I didn't want her in my life anymore. Well last week on the 13th she killed herself. Her parents came home and found her body in the bathroom. She OD'd a mix of various prescription meds. Her parents, whom I had grown really close to while we were dating, called me while they were at the hospital when they were still hoping to revive her. I rushed over only to get there in time to be told by the doctor that there was nothing they could've done to help her. I still can't even describe how I felt then. It was surreal. I mean I had only just talked to her like a week before and told her to the hell out of my life, but I didn't expect like this. I'm still, I dunno confused, sad, just completely out of sorts right now. I haven't been to work since her wake on friday. I'm so fucked right now. I don't know what's wrong with me? I mean there was so much ill-will between us when we parted but I never expected this. The worse was the suicide note. Both her parents and I got our own special one. I don't even like to think about what is written on mine for it makes me cry everytime I read it or think about it. I'm lost right now...lost at what to do. I feel so empty. Alone. Depressed.
This is the second person in my life I've lost to suicide. I don't know how much more I can take.
Who knows when I'll be back to feel like writing and responding...I think I need some time alone. I extend appreciations ahead of time for those who offer sympathies and the like in case my presence is absent for a great length of time.
Yours,
Jakob
For those of you that have been reading my past couple entries you know that I finally got around to telling my ex off and that I didn't want her in my life anymore. Well last week on the 13th she killed herself. Her parents came home and found her body in the bathroom. She OD'd a mix of various prescription meds. Her parents, whom I had grown really close to while we were dating, called me while they were at the hospital when they were still hoping to revive her. I rushed over only to get there in time to be told by the doctor that there was nothing they could've done to help her. I still can't even describe how I felt then. It was surreal. I mean I had only just talked to her like a week before and told her to the hell out of my life, but I didn't expect like this. I'm still, I dunno confused, sad, just completely out of sorts right now. I haven't been to work since her wake on friday. I'm so fucked right now. I don't know what's wrong with me? I mean there was so much ill-will between us when we parted but I never expected this. The worse was the suicide note. Both her parents and I got our own special one. I don't even like to think about what is written on mine for it makes me cry everytime I read it or think about it. I'm lost right now...lost at what to do. I feel so empty. Alone. Depressed.
This is the second person in my life I've lost to suicide. I don't know how much more I can take.
Who knows when I'll be back to feel like writing and responding...I think I need some time alone. I extend appreciations ahead of time for those who offer sympathies and the like in case my presence is absent for a great length of time.
Yours,
Jakob