(no subject)
"...you dont know what you have until its gone..."
well i hate to tell you mr. unknown quoter, thats not true. I know exactly what i had, exactly what a find i had, and i know exactly what i want, and you know i mean it because look at me, im alone and depressed and i still feel the same way. still love him as much as i did throughout this whole relationship. and this love isn't going away for a lifetime.
so ive been talking to some people and finding out my bad qualities. and basically ive learned that worrying is my worst one. so i've taken some steps to improve myself. i called my doctor and told him exactly what was going on, and how i felt. and he told me this is what he wanted to do a month ago (and i wish he would have, maybe it would have saved me this hastle). So I'm going to try taking something. And I've also been working on my own abilities. That night I last posted, I managed to not call him at all, and give him his space. Same thing today. whenever i've wanted to, ive managed to take a deep breath, and trust in him that everything will work out. i've not lied to him about what i wanted, and i'm trusting in him that he is not lying to me about what he wants.
today ended my first rotation. it was kind of sad bidding eric and dr ahmad goodbye, ive just finally got comfortable with the residents there. tomorrow i have a massive test, presentation and paper. my paper is crap, i wrote that today. my presentation won't be half bad as long as people don't upset me before it. the test im probably going to be remediating. this whole time i haven't been able to really read cecil, and especially now, it certainly won't stick. i start surgery on monday morning theorectically over in easton. thats going to be a long trip everyday. hopefully ill be able to get a call schedule and stuff when i go in monday so i can figure out plans.
keep praying for my strength....and ill keep praying for us.