Everything's big in Texas.
Yes, it's true. It's really true. The bugs, for one. Eww... you should've seen the spider I saw in front of the garage yesterday. They sell steaks here you wouldn't believe, and if I showed you the TWO GALLON plastic soda "cup" for sale at the mini-mart for the fountain drinks, you'd think it was a joke. It's not. When Jason got thirsty, he used to always tell me he wanted a "Bucket 'o Soda," now he literally can have one. I suppose if you drove the 40 miles from your ranch into town and happened to stop at the mini-mart, you just might want your soda to last a while.
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But, I guess since they like everything big.... the small things have to go. Including their women. Reading Craigslist tonight I noticed that someone has a "Small Wench for sale $50" "works good, just too small for me" Check it out if you don't believe me. Okay, okaayy, so I know he meant to be selling his winch, but it made me laugh just the same... imagining someone selling off their "wench" because she was too small. Texans aren't known for their spelling.
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And what about our town's little establishment called "The Bru-Thru" If you need some more beer, but you're too drunk to walk in a straight line, just hop in your car, you can get it through the drive up window.
Scary thing is, we've seen several. Our favorite was basically a pole-barn with garage doors on both ends. If it's raining, just drive INTO the store to get your booze. You could see the glass-doored refrigerators, like you'd see in a mini mart lining both sides of the "drive thru." Here's the article about the one in our town. Note the specific "cautionary" information included.
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Sooo... Allison and I took a girls' day out. We drove 45 miles to go to our favorite store (and I'm quite possibly underestimating the mileage). We're in Texas, distance is relative. Relatively speaking driving 45 miles to go to the store, involved about the same thought as taking a jaunt across town to go to Wal-Mart. She's getting taller by the day, and her sense of style is definitely growing up (while being delightfully innocent at the same time.) Girls' day out is fun, hair in a ponytail, simple makeup, jeans and a tee shirt kinda fun this time.
We stopped at a mini-mart on the way home. I got a chuckle at the very Simpson-like feel of this Kwik-E-Mart, including the man behind the counter. Imagine him, if you can. The exact same guy who is in the Simpsons cartoon. Same voice, same age. (40-50?) We are giggling as we head in the door, laughing about something or other, I'm not sure what... probably chasing each other to see who could get to the ONE bathroom stall first. "No, *I* have to go the bathroom more!" "No, *I* do." "No, meeee, I'm first."
After we were finished, and quite composed, we picked up the obligatory purchases required by most mini-marts as a bathroom toll. It was probably Bubble Yum, or Hubba-Bubba. Probably Strawberry. Probably so we could see who could blow the biggest bubbles on the way home. Or, perhaps it was a couple Ring-Pops, so we could put them on our fingers and talk in English, snobby accents and pretend we were "old money", talking about our fabulous jewelry in offhanded tones. "Oh, this old thing." Pshaw. It would be all the more amusing since we were BOTH much to old to do it, thus creating an air of silliness.
The owner/cashier caused an inward rolling of my eyes as he asked with is Simpson Kwik-E-Mart voice:
Him: "You are sisters?"
Me (gagging at his lame, obvious exaggerated attempt to flirt): "Uh... yeeah." (you know, the yeah, riiiight. voice.)
Him (obviously misunderstaning my response): You look like sisters, same hair and eyes.
So, I'm throughly irritated by this guy, and his lame attempt at flattery.... and he goes on to ask Allison about her shirt that says "I love Dad." He says, so, why don't you wear one that says "I love Mom." Don't you love your Mom? (ugh, quit already so I can get OUT of here.) So, in an attempt to shut him up I asked her, "So, do you love me?" "Of course, Mom." And... you should've seen the guy's face. As it turns out, he WASN'T flirting, just making conversation. Now, that's a first. Texans must also be blind.