(no subject)
I honestly do not understand how October is considered "mid-term". Well so far, I've taken two and on both of them, even though I fully studied everything they told me, when I got the exam, tell me why nothing I studied was on it? I was so ticked but really didn't have a choice so I'm EXTREMELY bent about how my average is hovering somewhere between 60-70, way way down from my usual 80-90 range. As each day passes I realize that high school is NOTHING compared to university and in fact, high school most DEFINITELY does not prepare you enough for university. I don't know, maybe it's jus me, but I don't think I'm adjusting like I should be. I'm still not at that point where I'm comfortable. I still don't talk to everyone because everyone tends to stick within their little cliques and are anti-social. Maybe if I lived in res I'd be more comfortable, but as of now, I never thought I'd say this but I actually miss Ward. I miss high school, I miss how things were, the people, just everything and everybody. Call me homesick or weird or whatever, but at least at Ward I talked to people. The only person I chill with now is Steve and that's only if he doesn't have to leave early for hockey, which is pretty much 3 days a week. I don't know, there's so many maybes and maybe it's just all new right now but I don't see how I can do this for the next four years. I mean, even in grade 9 in October, I already met so many new people and even started checking with a boy but I guess that was high school. Somedays, I just want to quit, stay home, catch up on sleep, and live the high life, relaxed, happy, watching the world go by. You know, enjoy my young years while I can, before all the stresses of a year-long career, bills, and mortgages start to overrun my life. I wish I could just take off for 2 years and see the rest of the world. Heck, I don't even know what I want to major in, so I really don't understand the point of me being in university right now. How does anyone ever expect you to figure out your whole lifeplan, from beginning to end, at eighteen? I never actually knew that life would be this complicated at eight-fucking-teen. For shit's sake, I'm still in those teen years. I just want to travel and see the world, have fun, live life, you know, the sort of things kids my age should be doing. Figuring out your lifestory, getting a degree in a career you want to do for the rest of your life, I mean, that's for grown-ups, not teenagers. If only I could just have some time to be myself, not what everyone else wants me to be, maybe eventually, I'd be ready. I can't really do much about anything right now, because I know I'll eventually have to go through university and I guess I might as well get it over and done with but still, I honestly don't think I was ever ready for university. Not right now at least...