Just My Thoughts As Of Lately
Well, I finally got the job at the BP station in New Castle, which is about 35 miles from here. Jason had an interview at Wal-Mart here and it looks like he's going to get it as a second job. Now, the only way I'm going to keep this job is if we move to New Castle with Mike. So far Mike says he can convince his landlord to let us move in, but I am not so sure. Mike says he hasn't been able to "corner the landlord long enough to twist his arm". He has till Sep. 1, then I am quitting that job and looking a bit harder for a job here in Chippewa. I mean, it's going to take an hour to get to school from New Castle, but Jason wants to move up there. On top of it, Mike IS messy, I hate messy houses, if I live in it. Jason working a second job will sure help with the bills though.
I think Jason has a hard time letting go of things. For example, we had a friend, Mike, who currently lives in Rochester. Mike, his girl Nikita, Jason and I had a good relationship. We were always doing things. Then we kind of lost contact. Jason got back in contact with them but I know things aren't the same. Jason doesn't want to face it, even after Mike has blown him off many times lately. If they have a problem with Jason because of me, well that's stupid. I know I can be a bitch, so I don't care if they like me anymore or not. I don't really consider them my friends anyway. I personally have only 2 things against Mike, and they can be overlooked, but Jason is kind of hurt because of it. If Mike has a problem with him/me/us, he won't admit to it. But I saw how things were when he didn't really like our friend Shaun, but "put up with him". Mike wouldn't come out and tell Shaun he had a problem till Nakitia came into the picture. So, Jason recently told me "I am not like Shaun, if Mike would tell me to leave him alone, I would".
I just don't know who my real friends are sometimes. No wonder I am so afraid to just open up. At least Mike S. I know for sure is a real friend. As far as everyone else, I just don't know. But I am a paronoid person. It seems like when I am with a person we can usually have a good time, but then I don't hear from them for a week or when I see them online they never really want to talk. I wish I could read people's minds, that way I knew what they REALLY thought about me. Why don't people just come out and say it? And yes, I am just as bad. Oh how I want to tell some people how I truely feel. And with some I want to know how they feel. Like Jason says this one guy really wants me and is attracted to me. This guy hasn't ever come out and said anything, but Jason says he can tell by the way he acts around me. I truely don't see how anyone could be attracted to a cow like me. I try to see the beauty in me, but I can't. Even after a year of marriage I still don't think Jason could really think I'm pretty, not when he could have so much better.
I think Jason has a hard time letting go of things. For example, we had a friend, Mike, who currently lives in Rochester. Mike, his girl Nikita, Jason and I had a good relationship. We were always doing things. Then we kind of lost contact. Jason got back in contact with them but I know things aren't the same. Jason doesn't want to face it, even after Mike has blown him off many times lately. If they have a problem with Jason because of me, well that's stupid. I know I can be a bitch, so I don't care if they like me anymore or not. I don't really consider them my friends anyway. I personally have only 2 things against Mike, and they can be overlooked, but Jason is kind of hurt because of it. If Mike has a problem with him/me/us, he won't admit to it. But I saw how things were when he didn't really like our friend Shaun, but "put up with him". Mike wouldn't come out and tell Shaun he had a problem till Nakitia came into the picture. So, Jason recently told me "I am not like Shaun, if Mike would tell me to leave him alone, I would".
I just don't know who my real friends are sometimes. No wonder I am so afraid to just open up. At least Mike S. I know for sure is a real friend. As far as everyone else, I just don't know. But I am a paronoid person. It seems like when I am with a person we can usually have a good time, but then I don't hear from them for a week or when I see them online they never really want to talk. I wish I could read people's minds, that way I knew what they REALLY thought about me. Why don't people just come out and say it? And yes, I am just as bad. Oh how I want to tell some people how I truely feel. And with some I want to know how they feel. Like Jason says this one guy really wants me and is attracted to me. This guy hasn't ever come out and said anything, but Jason says he can tell by the way he acts around me. I truely don't see how anyone could be attracted to a cow like me. I try to see the beauty in me, but I can't. Even after a year of marriage I still don't think Jason could really think I'm pretty, not when he could have so much better.