(no subject)
I'm laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame. I'm probably friendship destructive. I'm an idiot. I just...really wanted to be understood.
*lays head on desk* I can't even be properly mad at people. I just hover around hoping to hear a kind word or forgiveness.
Why couldn't I just take the apology?? Because, I felt she was just doing it...to make me happy. I wanted her to understand why I was upset in the first place. To understand me. But, could I tell her directly? Haaa.
Of course she'd lose patience with my whining. *cries* I'M JUST AN IDIOOOOOT.
I have all these grand ideas on what a good friend should be but I don't know anything. People open up to me easy, trust me. Lean on me. And I'm okay with that. But, as soon as I started leaning back...gah. It's not even their fault.
I wanted to say all these things...like "of course we'll do that again, it doesn't have to be about that" and really, I mean it....but............She totally thinks I'm a drama queen now. And I know how much she hates that.
I'm so laaaaaaaaaame TT_TT I ranted all that time on LJ because I couldn't talk to her about it, couldn't even show her that.
Haaaaa. She's the first person I opened up to since...that time I broke out of my "don't touch me stage" with my Mom like...years ago. Why do I feel I'm becoming more childish?
I don't know how to fix this. TT_TT I'm lost.
*lays head on desk* I can't even be properly mad at people. I just hover around hoping to hear a kind word or forgiveness.
Why couldn't I just take the apology?? Because, I felt she was just doing it...to make me happy. I wanted her to understand why I was upset in the first place. To understand me. But, could I tell her directly? Haaa.
Of course she'd lose patience with my whining. *cries* I'M JUST AN IDIOOOOOT.
I have all these grand ideas on what a good friend should be but I don't know anything. People open up to me easy, trust me. Lean on me. And I'm okay with that. But, as soon as I started leaning back...gah. It's not even their fault.
I wanted to say all these things...like "of course we'll do that again, it doesn't have to be about that" and really, I mean it....but............She totally thinks I'm a drama queen now. And I know how much she hates that.
I'm so laaaaaaaaaame TT_TT I ranted all that time on LJ because I couldn't talk to her about it, couldn't even show her that.
Haaaaa. She's the first person I opened up to since...that time I broke out of my "don't touch me stage" with my Mom like...years ago. Why do I feel I'm becoming more childish?
I don't know how to fix this. TT_TT I'm lost.