...i don't like feeling this way...
Why I am writing this down, I do not know. Maybe its just to see my thoughts written out rather than all bundled up inside me. I don't expect anyone to read or reply to this, but i can predict who will.
Aislynn, before i write any more, I simply wish to tell you i am sorry. i have tried and am still trying. im only human after all.
For those of you who have seen the movie "Chasing Amy", you might understand some of what I am saying. I feel alot like the character Ben Affleck played (except of course that I am not an arrogant asshole).
Maybe it is just fear that makes me feel this way. I am weak, I admit that.
Anyways, lets get on with the story...
Aislynn and I have been together for well over a year now. We crossed the threshold of just a friendship into the uncertainty of an intimate couple. We risked our friendship to be together, and so far it has worked rather nicely.
now this isnt our 1st relationship, each of us has had our share of experience dating before we were together. but any experience i had, pales in comparison to hers. i admit it, i only had 1 girlfriend before her, and tried dating others to no avail. but she has had more relationships than i've had, which leaves me feeling a little inadequate. and for those that dare to laugh, im not talking just sexually, im talking physically, emotionally, and mentally.
in a way, i feel as if im always being compared to her exes. it kinda makes me afraid that im going to lose her someday. i know i shouldnt be jealous. im supposed to be happy that right now she is with me and no one else. and i am happy that she is with me. i love having aislynn as my best friend and my love.
i just wish i wasnt afraid to lose her. it hurts when i think about losing her.
why cant i just learn the lesson taught in "chasing amy" and never feel this way again. for those of you who have never seen this movie, the lesson goes like this. The reason she is with you has nothing to do with her past. she is with you, because she wants you.
now that im thinking of that movie, i think i might buy it. maybe if i watch a guy lose the love of his life enough times, the lesson might sink in that i should be happy that aislynn and i are together, because after all i could just be one of her exes right now and not have her in my life at all...and i really wouldnt like that too much.
i just love that girl so much. i wish there were words to express how much i love her. having her in my arms though is the best way i can express my love to her.
Aislynn, before i write any more, I simply wish to tell you i am sorry. i have tried and am still trying. im only human after all.
For those of you who have seen the movie "Chasing Amy", you might understand some of what I am saying. I feel alot like the character Ben Affleck played (except of course that I am not an arrogant asshole).
Maybe it is just fear that makes me feel this way. I am weak, I admit that.
Anyways, lets get on with the story...
Aislynn and I have been together for well over a year now. We crossed the threshold of just a friendship into the uncertainty of an intimate couple. We risked our friendship to be together, and so far it has worked rather nicely.
now this isnt our 1st relationship, each of us has had our share of experience dating before we were together. but any experience i had, pales in comparison to hers. i admit it, i only had 1 girlfriend before her, and tried dating others to no avail. but she has had more relationships than i've had, which leaves me feeling a little inadequate. and for those that dare to laugh, im not talking just sexually, im talking physically, emotionally, and mentally.
in a way, i feel as if im always being compared to her exes. it kinda makes me afraid that im going to lose her someday. i know i shouldnt be jealous. im supposed to be happy that right now she is with me and no one else. and i am happy that she is with me. i love having aislynn as my best friend and my love.
i just wish i wasnt afraid to lose her. it hurts when i think about losing her.
why cant i just learn the lesson taught in "chasing amy" and never feel this way again. for those of you who have never seen this movie, the lesson goes like this. The reason she is with you has nothing to do with her past. she is with you, because she wants you.
now that im thinking of that movie, i think i might buy it. maybe if i watch a guy lose the love of his life enough times, the lesson might sink in that i should be happy that aislynn and i are together, because after all i could just be one of her exes right now and not have her in my life at all...and i really wouldnt like that too much.
i just love that girl so much. i wish there were words to express how much i love her. having her in my arms though is the best way i can express my love to her.