A Step Closer to Fearlessness
I recently learned that my exbf and abuser of six years moved to San Francisco.
This is a burden off my shoulders. Granted it was with one of the girls he cheated on me with (whole other story, whole other post). But what this means to me is I don't have to worry about running into him at my, or our, favorite places. It means I don't need to shrink in my seat every time I see a Fiat. I can sleep in peace, although ever since Sean moved in with me it has been much better.
After one of Abuser and my many break ups he used to come into my bedroom at night to win over. Romantic maybe? It felt like it the first few times and then it got freaky. After a while he would show up angry. He always had to have the last word and it would irk him to no end if I disagreed with him. I remember one time he was shuddering with rage. I forget which fight it was but I hung up on him on the phone.
When you deal with someone who will not let you disagree with him, getting off the phone is impossible. And avoiding a disagreement was damned near impossible because anything could set him off. The last year of our relationship we would fight at least once a month, assuming we were together that months. Our longest break up was two months Nov-Dec 2011.
The constant threat of knowing he could be anywhere I was at any moment was nerve wrecking. Now with him gone… I had no idea I could feel this free. I had no idea I was this afraid.
This is a burden off my shoulders. Granted it was with one of the girls he cheated on me with (whole other story, whole other post). But what this means to me is I don't have to worry about running into him at my, or our, favorite places. It means I don't need to shrink in my seat every time I see a Fiat. I can sleep in peace, although ever since Sean moved in with me it has been much better.
After one of Abuser and my many break ups he used to come into my bedroom at night to win over. Romantic maybe? It felt like it the first few times and then it got freaky. After a while he would show up angry. He always had to have the last word and it would irk him to no end if I disagreed with him. I remember one time he was shuddering with rage. I forget which fight it was but I hung up on him on the phone.
When you deal with someone who will not let you disagree with him, getting off the phone is impossible. And avoiding a disagreement was damned near impossible because anything could set him off. The last year of our relationship we would fight at least once a month, assuming we were together that months. Our longest break up was two months Nov-Dec 2011.
The constant threat of knowing he could be anywhere I was at any moment was nerve wrecking. Now with him gone… I had no idea I could feel this free. I had no idea I was this afraid.