The End Of Tomorrow
Today was the worst day of my entire, short life.
I lost Kagan's ring....
This morning when I went to the FCA meeting, I was sitting next to Kristina and Lawson. Well we stood up to sing a song (because usually you clap your hands when you sing worship songs) and the music started when all of a sudden I noticed the ring was missing. It's one of my unconcious habits to touch the ring with my thumb to check and make sure it's still there, but this time when I did, I nearly had a heartattack. All time stopped, and the only thing I knew was that it was gone. I spun around and searched the floor, the chair I was sitting in, my jacket, my pockets, my purse and bookbag, I mean EVERYWHERE. It was still missing. I couldnt believe it, the one thing on this Earth that I take more care of, worry most about keeping it safe, pride myself in winning the battle, is gone because I got careless.
I cried so hard. I dont think I've ever cried so long or so hard about anything in my life. I cried all day, I mean ALL DAY. In every period I cried for at the least 10 minutes straight. My eyes burned like mad after 4th period, I had to use some contact solution to moisturize them after such strain. When I got home I had to take out my contacts and put in more eye drops because they were so dry and blood-shot. My mom thought my eyes were bleeding because they were so red.
After FCA, I went in a mad rush to find it. I searched every corner of the chorus room, orchestra room, hallways, cafeteria, court yard, locker, main office, and gym lobby. I still didnt find it. I missed more than half of my first period looking for it. I went down every hallway in the school and was on my way to the vocational building when Emily, Kristina, Breontae, Alexis, Mira, and Zhala caught up to me and took me to get Beta Club pictures taken. I must have looked horrible in those pictures because I didnt smile, I was crying and avoided looking at the camera despite Lexie and them's attempts to have me do it. Mira and Breontae sung the Apple song but I could only muster a half smile. I had the worst headache ever all day.
Although this was a very horrible day, I realized how many people care about me. I must have had over 30 people give me hugs and reassurances that I'll find it multiple times. Monkey was a big help too. He talked to me about it and gave me a ride home afterschool (yeah the usual but he's the best teddy bear on a bad day). He's turned out to be one of my best friends and I really enjoy talking to him all the time.
I just wish that everyone could understand how much this has hurt me and exactly what it means to me. It wouldnt be so hard to cope with if everyone just understood. It's like how you feel about someone very close to you (boyfriend/girlfriend) dying. Just the thought that it wont be with me anymore after everything I went through with Kagan and the fights and the struggle makes me want to drown myself in tears. I have too many memories, important memories that I would never be able to forget, tied into that one ring. His ring was the most important thing to me. You could take everything I own, my house, clothes, everything and burn them and it wouldnt matter. As long as I had his ring, everything would be ok. Nothing matters more than that one piece of silver that I fought tooth and nail to keep. It was the only thing of his I have and the only true, unbreakable tie we had together.
Now its gone and I've been thrown into a deep state of depression and sorrow. I just feel so completely incomplete. A part of my soul is gone due to my idiocity and carelessness. I just want to go and curl myself into a ball and cry to death. I hate myself so much. I just cant believe I could be so careless.
Alright, whos got the arsenic? Oh wait, I am my own poison...
♥less Bunny
I lost Kagan's ring....
This morning when I went to the FCA meeting, I was sitting next to Kristina and Lawson. Well we stood up to sing a song (because usually you clap your hands when you sing worship songs) and the music started when all of a sudden I noticed the ring was missing. It's one of my unconcious habits to touch the ring with my thumb to check and make sure it's still there, but this time when I did, I nearly had a heartattack. All time stopped, and the only thing I knew was that it was gone. I spun around and searched the floor, the chair I was sitting in, my jacket, my pockets, my purse and bookbag, I mean EVERYWHERE. It was still missing. I couldnt believe it, the one thing on this Earth that I take more care of, worry most about keeping it safe, pride myself in winning the battle, is gone because I got careless.
I cried so hard. I dont think I've ever cried so long or so hard about anything in my life. I cried all day, I mean ALL DAY. In every period I cried for at the least 10 minutes straight. My eyes burned like mad after 4th period, I had to use some contact solution to moisturize them after such strain. When I got home I had to take out my contacts and put in more eye drops because they were so dry and blood-shot. My mom thought my eyes were bleeding because they were so red.
After FCA, I went in a mad rush to find it. I searched every corner of the chorus room, orchestra room, hallways, cafeteria, court yard, locker, main office, and gym lobby. I still didnt find it. I missed more than half of my first period looking for it. I went down every hallway in the school and was on my way to the vocational building when Emily, Kristina, Breontae, Alexis, Mira, and Zhala caught up to me and took me to get Beta Club pictures taken. I must have looked horrible in those pictures because I didnt smile, I was crying and avoided looking at the camera despite Lexie and them's attempts to have me do it. Mira and Breontae sung the Apple song but I could only muster a half smile. I had the worst headache ever all day.
Although this was a very horrible day, I realized how many people care about me. I must have had over 30 people give me hugs and reassurances that I'll find it multiple times. Monkey was a big help too. He talked to me about it and gave me a ride home afterschool (yeah the usual but he's the best teddy bear on a bad day). He's turned out to be one of my best friends and I really enjoy talking to him all the time.
I just wish that everyone could understand how much this has hurt me and exactly what it means to me. It wouldnt be so hard to cope with if everyone just understood. It's like how you feel about someone very close to you (boyfriend/girlfriend) dying. Just the thought that it wont be with me anymore after everything I went through with Kagan and the fights and the struggle makes me want to drown myself in tears. I have too many memories, important memories that I would never be able to forget, tied into that one ring. His ring was the most important thing to me. You could take everything I own, my house, clothes, everything and burn them and it wouldnt matter. As long as I had his ring, everything would be ok. Nothing matters more than that one piece of silver that I fought tooth and nail to keep. It was the only thing of his I have and the only true, unbreakable tie we had together.
Now its gone and I've been thrown into a deep state of depression and sorrow. I just feel so completely incomplete. A part of my soul is gone due to my idiocity and carelessness. I just want to go and curl myself into a ball and cry to death. I hate myself so much. I just cant believe I could be so careless.
Alright, whos got the arsenic? Oh wait, I am my own poison...
♥less Bunny