Letting go...
I have to learn to let go. I have to be okay with good things happening to other people while I'm away. I have to be okay with them loving others and forgetting about me. I have to accept the fact that they might not like me as much as I think/hope they do. I have to accept the fact that their lives are not intertwined with mine anymore. I just have to freaking let go.
I also have to learn that substituting what I want from them with something less meaningful will not fix the void I feel. Searching for love and attention in all the wrong places is going to hurt me. It always has--just like it was before I left. I have to be okay with the lot God has given me, and learn to deal with it in a mature, Christian-like manner.
It's just really painful.
I also have to learn to be okay with the fact that there is really no one here to date. There's no one here to even think about dating. Sure, they're moral enough, but when push comes to shove, it's just for a cheap thrill, and I have to learn that that is not appropriate behavior. Or is it? I have no idea.
May God save me from my own, sinful self. I feel like there's this void of sin, and I'm perpetually falling into it, rarely to be lifted out...very rarely. I feel like I'm waiting for some pivotal religious moment in my life to motivate me. I just need to learn...
I also have to learn that substituting what I want from them with something less meaningful will not fix the void I feel. Searching for love and attention in all the wrong places is going to hurt me. It always has--just like it was before I left. I have to be okay with the lot God has given me, and learn to deal with it in a mature, Christian-like manner.
It's just really painful.
I also have to learn to be okay with the fact that there is really no one here to date. There's no one here to even think about dating. Sure, they're moral enough, but when push comes to shove, it's just for a cheap thrill, and I have to learn that that is not appropriate behavior. Or is it? I have no idea.
May God save me from my own, sinful self. I feel like there's this void of sin, and I'm perpetually falling into it, rarely to be lifted out...very rarely. I feel like I'm waiting for some pivotal religious moment in my life to motivate me. I just need to learn...