(no subject)
"In the dark I want to hold you tightly, as if we believed the sun would never rise again."
I saw this on a secret and I thought it was so poetic. I thought of you. I also thought of how you would never feel like this about me. I wonder if you would ever feel this way about anyone, or if it's just me.
Should we be together? I love you, and all I want to do is make you happy, but I feel like you're unhappy, which makes me unhappy. Can I be imagining your unhappiness, causing my unhappiness, which then frustrates you because you don't know what's wrong? It could be.
I'm a mess. I'm an absolute mess. I'm going back to therapy--you know this. I really am trying to work on it, but I don't know if I'll ever believe you when you say you love me.
We've only been together for two months. It's been a wonderful two months. I try to tell myself that I must love you, because even now, seeing your picture makes me happy. Maybe even a butterfly or two. But I think that maybe what makes me happy isn't so much you as the idea of you loving me as much as I love you. I know it's stupid to always keep saying you don't love me... but I never believe anyone.
You're not affectionate. You're not a hugger. You're not a kisser. You're not a cuddler. It's hard for me because I am all of those things and more. I feel the need to talk on the phone with you. You find this behavior annoying. I like falling asleep together. You used to do this... we would go upstairs and talk if you weren't tired, then fall asleep. Now, you watch TV until you fall asleep on the couch.
It almost feels like you don't want to talk to me anymore. Almost like you are just keeping up appearances. I want to go back to the way things were... I want you to feel some kind of spark for me again. I will do whatever it takes to get that back. I'll be honest, I fell in love with that guy... the guy that would reach for my hand whenever it was available and I didn't have to whine to hold your hand. The guy that would cuddle with me before falling asleep. The guy that would come up from behind and hug me while I was cooking (even if I did burn myself haha). The guy that would talk to me for hours and not always want to leave for this TV show, or that book, or this other movie... and then not call me back.
The only thing I miss is affection. Please love me again?
I may let you read this. I may not. I can't think of any other way to say it to you. I've tried to tell you. I have. I'm just not good at this. It's hard for me. But I need to feel loved, and the way I feel loved is through affection. Any kind of affection.
Remember when I told you I didn't feel like I was in a relationship? I don't again. When it's like pulling teeth to get you to hold my hand, that doesn't make me feel loved. When you call me ridiculous because I want a hug, I don't feel all that loved either. And when you stop sleeping with me (after telling me for weeks that you can't sleep with someone you don't respect), it just makes me feel like maybe you're just lonely and are staying with me because I'm the best you have right now. I know you tried, but hon, I can tell you were just doing it because I made you feel obligated. Remember when you don't enjoy it unless the other person does? It goes both ways.
I just want to know what happened. One day everything was good, plenty of affection, love, everything... then it was gone, almost instantaneously, and I don't know why.
Just love me again.
I saw this on a secret and I thought it was so poetic. I thought of you. I also thought of how you would never feel like this about me. I wonder if you would ever feel this way about anyone, or if it's just me.
Should we be together? I love you, and all I want to do is make you happy, but I feel like you're unhappy, which makes me unhappy. Can I be imagining your unhappiness, causing my unhappiness, which then frustrates you because you don't know what's wrong? It could be.
I'm a mess. I'm an absolute mess. I'm going back to therapy--you know this. I really am trying to work on it, but I don't know if I'll ever believe you when you say you love me.
We've only been together for two months. It's been a wonderful two months. I try to tell myself that I must love you, because even now, seeing your picture makes me happy. Maybe even a butterfly or two. But I think that maybe what makes me happy isn't so much you as the idea of you loving me as much as I love you. I know it's stupid to always keep saying you don't love me... but I never believe anyone.
You're not affectionate. You're not a hugger. You're not a kisser. You're not a cuddler. It's hard for me because I am all of those things and more. I feel the need to talk on the phone with you. You find this behavior annoying. I like falling asleep together. You used to do this... we would go upstairs and talk if you weren't tired, then fall asleep. Now, you watch TV until you fall asleep on the couch.
It almost feels like you don't want to talk to me anymore. Almost like you are just keeping up appearances. I want to go back to the way things were... I want you to feel some kind of spark for me again. I will do whatever it takes to get that back. I'll be honest, I fell in love with that guy... the guy that would reach for my hand whenever it was available and I didn't have to whine to hold your hand. The guy that would cuddle with me before falling asleep. The guy that would come up from behind and hug me while I was cooking (even if I did burn myself haha). The guy that would talk to me for hours and not always want to leave for this TV show, or that book, or this other movie... and then not call me back.
The only thing I miss is affection. Please love me again?
I may let you read this. I may not. I can't think of any other way to say it to you. I've tried to tell you. I have. I'm just not good at this. It's hard for me. But I need to feel loved, and the way I feel loved is through affection. Any kind of affection.
Remember when I told you I didn't feel like I was in a relationship? I don't again. When it's like pulling teeth to get you to hold my hand, that doesn't make me feel loved. When you call me ridiculous because I want a hug, I don't feel all that loved either. And when you stop sleeping with me (after telling me for weeks that you can't sleep with someone you don't respect), it just makes me feel like maybe you're just lonely and are staying with me because I'm the best you have right now. I know you tried, but hon, I can tell you were just doing it because I made you feel obligated. Remember when you don't enjoy it unless the other person does? It goes both ways.
I just want to know what happened. One day everything was good, plenty of affection, love, everything... then it was gone, almost instantaneously, and I don't know why.
Just love me again.