blade
I don't really know what to make of this, but this is the first time I'm writing a fic with multiple pairings, much less one of which is broken. I hope it makes sense. D8
Title: Blade
Author: shuuseieki
Pairing: one-sided!JongKey, OnKey
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: PG-15
Summary: Gentility was a blade that dealt the most cruelty, at least to Jonghyun.
---
The wind was singing, a sweet melody that enveloped Jonghyun's very self, seeping into his skin. He searched for the slightest sight of the eyes behind that frame of jet black hair, a strip of bright green intersecting it halfway - a perfect interpretation of what this man was in Jonghyun’s life: light amidst darkness. When he was here, everything else simply faded away - becoming nothingness. The silence was cold, a cold that shouldn’t even be here, considering the weather outside. Seconds passed, then minutes; every moment a blade that dug deeper into the wound that Jonghyun knew had always been there, a blade that coaxed out the blood Jonghyun knew would fall someday. At long last, the head slowly began to move; Kibum’s gaze met his. Afraid, timid against waiting, fiery. The rays of sunlight falling in through the window illuminated the edges of Kibum's face, like diamonds aglow in the day. And he opened his mouth to speak words. Words that plunged Jonghyun's world into darkness. Words that shattered Jonghyun’s heart, and swept the ashes away with the humming wind.
"I'm really, really sorry, hyung. But I can't. I'm sorry. I-I already belong to someone else. You know I do."
He could hear what had been spoken, but they never truly reached his heart. Not fully registering what he was doing, Jonghyun pushed Kibum harder up against the bedroom wall, his body weight pressing down on the other. The younger boy let out a groan as his head hit the brick surface, a sound that was drowned out as Jonghyun's mouth closed over his. Kibum could feel his right hand being pulled forward roughly, touching warm, soft fabric; then he could feel an erratic heartbeat, the pulse jerky and quick. He struggled against the iron grip, the other hand numbed by the increasing pain, gasping as Jonghyun's tongue slipped between his parted lips. The heated kiss broke, the hold on Kibum’s wrist tightened even more, and Jonghyun’s mouth moved slowly down to his dongsaeng's neck. He forced his leg in between the other's, keeping him firmly in place.
"Hyung, stop it, please! It hurts!" Kibum exclaimed, in a horrified whisper. Where Jonghyun’s fingers closed over his wrist, he knew a red mark was blooming; the painful friction as he continued to struggle made him want to scream. Scream to get this over with. But he knew he couldn't. Teeth sank into his skin, sending jolts through Kibum's body. As he rested his head against the wall, breathing heavily, struggling ever more, he registered the fact that this was so different from the gentle way Jinki would hold him, touch him. The gentle way he had come to love, the gentle way that was every reason why Kibum would choose Jinki. And finally the older man pulled away, just enough to gaze directly into Kibum’s eyes, an otherworldly fire burning in them.
"This heart beats for you, and only you. Why can't you see that? I've seen you and Jinki. I don't care. I can show you so much more than he can. I love you so much more than he does! Why don't you ever see that? I'd do anything for you," Jonghyun murmured, his voice almost pleading now, dropping the other’s wrist. As much as Kibum knew he would never be able to return these feelings for his hyung, it broke his heart to see Jonghyun this way - he was always this vibrant figure in Kibum’s life, confident in his abilities and position, his presence overwhelming yet welcoming. And here stood before him a broken man, and the last thing Kibum wanted was to destroy him even more. But he had to. He had given himself entirely to Jinki; he was not going to turn back.
"You'd do anything? Then leave me. I love him, and him only, Jonghyun-hyung. I’m not going to change that."
Jonghyun felt the blade in his heart being violently pulled out.
And blood was dripping. He was sure of it.
---
Jonghyun's eyes followed his every move. Every laugh, every smile, every touch, every gaze - all for Lee Jinki. He selfishly wanted to be the one. The only one that Kibum would ever look at. He wanted to just take him right there and then, to show him what pleasure, love, passion was. Kibum's fingers ghosted over the leader’s as they stood up from the dining table, a subtle gesture for him to follow. Kibum bounced up the stairs, pulling Jinki along with him, and Jonghyun found himself following them moments later. The door was left ajar; it was small gap, but enough for him to view the insides of Jinki's room. They sat together on the bed, making idle talk.
"Where're the others?"
"Hmm? I don't know. Last I saw, Taemin and Minho were at the game console again."
"Mm. I do wonder why Jonghyun never touches the stuff though. He's the same age as Minho."
Silence, for a long minute. Then, Kibum's voice reached Jonghyun's ears, softer and quieter than earlier. Tinges of fear and insecurity lined his words as he spoke. "This afternoon, when you were out with Taemin? Jonghyun-hyung cornered me. And then he told me he loved me, and... he-he jumped me. He hurt me, just a little," he whispered, turning his arm over to show the older man the red mark that had yet to fade away, before continuing. "I got scared, I guess. Then he told me he'd do anything for me, because he loves me more than you do. I-I didn't believe that. I turned him down." Jonghyun's heart, or rather, what remained of it, broke. The surety in Kibum's voice as he said the last sentence chilled him, something he heard only in nightmares. Nightmares in which he was rejected. Maybe he was in a nightmare now? Jinki looked almost uncertain, afraid of having spawned a feud between the two friends.
Kibum shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, but Jonghyun knew that even Jinki could tell there was fear in those eyes. The teenager brought his knees to his chin, wrapping both arms around it, rocking back and forth, quivering slightly. Jinki reached out to shift his lover’s face gently, so that their gazes met. He moved closer, all the while not taking his eyes off those beautiful, pure orbs of Kibum's. "Y'know, you don't have to pretend when you're with me. I can sort of tell; you're afraid. You can tell me. And I'll do anything I can to make it better," he said quietly, forging a promise with those last words. Kibum gave him a small smile, but didn't look entirely comforted either. Jinki's mouth came down swift over his, planting a brief, tender kiss. If anything, Jonghyun wanted to storm in and grasp him by the collar, demanding he stay away from Kibum. Demanding he return the love that was supposed to be his.
Kibum's eyelids fluttered closed as Jinki slowly began to move downwards to his neck. Electrifying jolts coursed through Kibum's veins every time those lips touched his skin, everytime that tongue swiped over his earlobe. It reminded him so much of this afternoon, only sweeter, gentler and in the arms of the man he loved. When the leader pulled away, Kibum let out a soft whimper of dissatisfaction. "You know how to make this better. You know what I want," he whispered, the fingers of his outstretched hand running down the front of Jinki's shirt, then up to his jaw, tracing every feature, finally reaching his lips. Jinki let out a soft moan of pleasure as his dongsaeng pushed one of his fingers between his slightly parted mouth, an invitation to settle all uncertainties, to lose themselves in lust, to begin their wild night. But despite his burning want and need for the younger boy, the leader pulled away, caressing the side of his lover's face, wearing a sheepish smile, as if unsure of how to tell him this. "Mm, I do know what you want, and believe me, I want it myself. Like nothing else I've wanted before. But Kibum, we're not ready, I don't think. I mean, you're only just out of high school," he offered.
Jonghyun stared as Kibum gave the other a pout. To take Kibum, make him his and his only, was all he had ever wanted the moment that teenager hopped through the door three years ago. And here Kibum was giving himself up to a man that Jonghyun knew never deserved him, and was turned down?
Peals of soft laughter escaped from the room, bringing Jonghyun out of his reverie. Kibum pulled Jinki down onto the bed with him, his face finding its place in the crook of his lover's neck. Jinki smiled, chuckling, and wrapped his arms around that slight figure. The words were muffled, but Jonghyun could just make out what had been said, "I knew you would say that, Jinki. I'll wait then, I promise. And then someday, I'll belong only to you." He stopped for a moment, the leader’s fingers tracing light circles on Kibum's arm. "Y'know... you're so different from Jonghyun-hyung. He's so... I don't know. Kind of fierce, and aggressive. I don't know how I'm going to face him again. He scares me, a little. I've sort of grown to get used to this softer way of things," he admitted.
"I love you, Jinki. More than anyone else, always."
Jonghyun hated the way Jinki's arms tightened infinitesimally around the younger boy, and wondered why he couldn't hear the dripping blood from the gash in his heart.
---
The bitter taste of alcohol running down his throat overwhelmed the sensation of the freezing night air, so different from the sweet, warm feel of Kibum's lips. He twirled the little glass as he stood by the railing of his balcony. Light from the room and the moon fell on the amber liquid inside, slightly translucent. He felt like screaming to the wind, demanding to know what he's done wrong to deserve pain like this. What does he have that I don't? There was absolutely nothing he couldn't give that Lee Jinki can. And yet, Kibum held such fragile love so close to his heart. The scene in Jinki's bedroom hours earlier came back to haunt him, present at the back of his eyelids everytime he closed his eyes, replaying every little detail. In frustration, he threw the champagne glass against the wall of the balcony; it fell to pieces. The fine shards littered the floor, and the remaining liquid staining the floor. His gaze fell onto the empty street nine floors down. The streets in which all five of them used to walk together, when times were happier. Just yesterday, actually. His fingers gripped the iron railing; his skin screamed for him to let go, but he was oblivious to the freezing cold metal.
He pushed himself up, and jumped.
---
I cannot believe I did that to Jonghyun. D: /weeps
Crossposted to shinee_replay. Oh, and dedicated to sakuranbokissx, simply because she's my Taeminnie-ah. ♥
Title: Blade
Author: shuuseieki
Pairing: one-sided!JongKey, OnKey
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: PG-15
Summary: Gentility was a blade that dealt the most cruelty, at least to Jonghyun.
---
The wind was singing, a sweet melody that enveloped Jonghyun's very self, seeping into his skin. He searched for the slightest sight of the eyes behind that frame of jet black hair, a strip of bright green intersecting it halfway - a perfect interpretation of what this man was in Jonghyun’s life: light amidst darkness. When he was here, everything else simply faded away - becoming nothingness. The silence was cold, a cold that shouldn’t even be here, considering the weather outside. Seconds passed, then minutes; every moment a blade that dug deeper into the wound that Jonghyun knew had always been there, a blade that coaxed out the blood Jonghyun knew would fall someday. At long last, the head slowly began to move; Kibum’s gaze met his. Afraid, timid against waiting, fiery. The rays of sunlight falling in through the window illuminated the edges of Kibum's face, like diamonds aglow in the day. And he opened his mouth to speak words. Words that plunged Jonghyun's world into darkness. Words that shattered Jonghyun’s heart, and swept the ashes away with the humming wind.
"I'm really, really sorry, hyung. But I can't. I'm sorry. I-I already belong to someone else. You know I do."
He could hear what had been spoken, but they never truly reached his heart. Not fully registering what he was doing, Jonghyun pushed Kibum harder up against the bedroom wall, his body weight pressing down on the other. The younger boy let out a groan as his head hit the brick surface, a sound that was drowned out as Jonghyun's mouth closed over his. Kibum could feel his right hand being pulled forward roughly, touching warm, soft fabric; then he could feel an erratic heartbeat, the pulse jerky and quick. He struggled against the iron grip, the other hand numbed by the increasing pain, gasping as Jonghyun's tongue slipped between his parted lips. The heated kiss broke, the hold on Kibum’s wrist tightened even more, and Jonghyun’s mouth moved slowly down to his dongsaeng's neck. He forced his leg in between the other's, keeping him firmly in place.
"Hyung, stop it, please! It hurts!" Kibum exclaimed, in a horrified whisper. Where Jonghyun’s fingers closed over his wrist, he knew a red mark was blooming; the painful friction as he continued to struggle made him want to scream. Scream to get this over with. But he knew he couldn't. Teeth sank into his skin, sending jolts through Kibum's body. As he rested his head against the wall, breathing heavily, struggling ever more, he registered the fact that this was so different from the gentle way Jinki would hold him, touch him. The gentle way he had come to love, the gentle way that was every reason why Kibum would choose Jinki. And finally the older man pulled away, just enough to gaze directly into Kibum’s eyes, an otherworldly fire burning in them.
"This heart beats for you, and only you. Why can't you see that? I've seen you and Jinki. I don't care. I can show you so much more than he can. I love you so much more than he does! Why don't you ever see that? I'd do anything for you," Jonghyun murmured, his voice almost pleading now, dropping the other’s wrist. As much as Kibum knew he would never be able to return these feelings for his hyung, it broke his heart to see Jonghyun this way - he was always this vibrant figure in Kibum’s life, confident in his abilities and position, his presence overwhelming yet welcoming. And here stood before him a broken man, and the last thing Kibum wanted was to destroy him even more. But he had to. He had given himself entirely to Jinki; he was not going to turn back.
"You'd do anything? Then leave me. I love him, and him only, Jonghyun-hyung. I’m not going to change that."
Jonghyun felt the blade in his heart being violently pulled out.
And blood was dripping. He was sure of it.
---
Jonghyun's eyes followed his every move. Every laugh, every smile, every touch, every gaze - all for Lee Jinki. He selfishly wanted to be the one. The only one that Kibum would ever look at. He wanted to just take him right there and then, to show him what pleasure, love, passion was. Kibum's fingers ghosted over the leader’s as they stood up from the dining table, a subtle gesture for him to follow. Kibum bounced up the stairs, pulling Jinki along with him, and Jonghyun found himself following them moments later. The door was left ajar; it was small gap, but enough for him to view the insides of Jinki's room. They sat together on the bed, making idle talk.
"Where're the others?"
"Hmm? I don't know. Last I saw, Taemin and Minho were at the game console again."
"Mm. I do wonder why Jonghyun never touches the stuff though. He's the same age as Minho."
Silence, for a long minute. Then, Kibum's voice reached Jonghyun's ears, softer and quieter than earlier. Tinges of fear and insecurity lined his words as he spoke. "This afternoon, when you were out with Taemin? Jonghyun-hyung cornered me. And then he told me he loved me, and... he-he jumped me. He hurt me, just a little," he whispered, turning his arm over to show the older man the red mark that had yet to fade away, before continuing. "I got scared, I guess. Then he told me he'd do anything for me, because he loves me more than you do. I-I didn't believe that. I turned him down." Jonghyun's heart, or rather, what remained of it, broke. The surety in Kibum's voice as he said the last sentence chilled him, something he heard only in nightmares. Nightmares in which he was rejected. Maybe he was in a nightmare now? Jinki looked almost uncertain, afraid of having spawned a feud between the two friends.
Kibum shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, but Jonghyun knew that even Jinki could tell there was fear in those eyes. The teenager brought his knees to his chin, wrapping both arms around it, rocking back and forth, quivering slightly. Jinki reached out to shift his lover’s face gently, so that their gazes met. He moved closer, all the while not taking his eyes off those beautiful, pure orbs of Kibum's. "Y'know, you don't have to pretend when you're with me. I can sort of tell; you're afraid. You can tell me. And I'll do anything I can to make it better," he said quietly, forging a promise with those last words. Kibum gave him a small smile, but didn't look entirely comforted either. Jinki's mouth came down swift over his, planting a brief, tender kiss. If anything, Jonghyun wanted to storm in and grasp him by the collar, demanding he stay away from Kibum. Demanding he return the love that was supposed to be his.
Kibum's eyelids fluttered closed as Jinki slowly began to move downwards to his neck. Electrifying jolts coursed through Kibum's veins every time those lips touched his skin, everytime that tongue swiped over his earlobe. It reminded him so much of this afternoon, only sweeter, gentler and in the arms of the man he loved. When the leader pulled away, Kibum let out a soft whimper of dissatisfaction. "You know how to make this better. You know what I want," he whispered, the fingers of his outstretched hand running down the front of Jinki's shirt, then up to his jaw, tracing every feature, finally reaching his lips. Jinki let out a soft moan of pleasure as his dongsaeng pushed one of his fingers between his slightly parted mouth, an invitation to settle all uncertainties, to lose themselves in lust, to begin their wild night. But despite his burning want and need for the younger boy, the leader pulled away, caressing the side of his lover's face, wearing a sheepish smile, as if unsure of how to tell him this. "Mm, I do know what you want, and believe me, I want it myself. Like nothing else I've wanted before. But Kibum, we're not ready, I don't think. I mean, you're only just out of high school," he offered.
Jonghyun stared as Kibum gave the other a pout. To take Kibum, make him his and his only, was all he had ever wanted the moment that teenager hopped through the door three years ago. And here Kibum was giving himself up to a man that Jonghyun knew never deserved him, and was turned down?
Peals of soft laughter escaped from the room, bringing Jonghyun out of his reverie. Kibum pulled Jinki down onto the bed with him, his face finding its place in the crook of his lover's neck. Jinki smiled, chuckling, and wrapped his arms around that slight figure. The words were muffled, but Jonghyun could just make out what had been said, "I knew you would say that, Jinki. I'll wait then, I promise. And then someday, I'll belong only to you." He stopped for a moment, the leader’s fingers tracing light circles on Kibum's arm. "Y'know... you're so different from Jonghyun-hyung. He's so... I don't know. Kind of fierce, and aggressive. I don't know how I'm going to face him again. He scares me, a little. I've sort of grown to get used to this softer way of things," he admitted.
"I love you, Jinki. More than anyone else, always."
Jonghyun hated the way Jinki's arms tightened infinitesimally around the younger boy, and wondered why he couldn't hear the dripping blood from the gash in his heart.
---
The bitter taste of alcohol running down his throat overwhelmed the sensation of the freezing night air, so different from the sweet, warm feel of Kibum's lips. He twirled the little glass as he stood by the railing of his balcony. Light from the room and the moon fell on the amber liquid inside, slightly translucent. He felt like screaming to the wind, demanding to know what he's done wrong to deserve pain like this. What does he have that I don't? There was absolutely nothing he couldn't give that Lee Jinki can. And yet, Kibum held such fragile love so close to his heart. The scene in Jinki's bedroom hours earlier came back to haunt him, present at the back of his eyelids everytime he closed his eyes, replaying every little detail. In frustration, he threw the champagne glass against the wall of the balcony; it fell to pieces. The fine shards littered the floor, and the remaining liquid staining the floor. His gaze fell onto the empty street nine floors down. The streets in which all five of them used to walk together, when times were happier. Just yesterday, actually. His fingers gripped the iron railing; his skin screamed for him to let go, but he was oblivious to the freezing cold metal.
He pushed himself up, and jumped.
---
I cannot believe I did that to Jonghyun. D: /weeps
Crossposted to shinee_replay. Oh, and dedicated to sakuranbokissx, simply because she's my Taeminnie-ah. ♥