FanFic: Have and Withhold 1b
The movement of light was too white for Remus to sleep through. His eyes opened to see the Patronus copy of canine Padfoot silently leap onto Sirius’ bed and lower its muzzle to his ear.
“Hippogriffs!” it whispered excitedly.
Sirius sat up and tousled its Patronus ears the way Padfoot liked being touched. “Can I bring Moony?” he asked quietly.
“Too dangerous.”
Remus tried to remain still despite his shock. The textbooks hadn’t mentioned Patronus that could receive a reply and respond. He pretended to be woken by Sirius taking his wand from the bedside.
“Run,” Sirius said plainly, as though the iridescent twin to his Animagus form didn’t exist. Remus chose to ignore it, nodded, and closed his eyes. After Sirius left, Remus crossed to his bed to look out the window.
“What are you pair up to?” James asked from the adjacent bed.
“Not me,” Remus said with his nose almost pressed to the pane in hopes of a closer look. James copied him. They soon saw the Patronus Grim and falcon speed ahead of a running dog and a wizard on a broomstick.
“Must be nice to have a brother,” said Remus.
“Being siblings sounds bloody awful,” said James. “They’re so close in age that Sirius has no memories of anything before Regulus existed. Sometimes I’m jealous because Regulus was his closest friend first, so knows all the stuff Sirius feels he can’t tell us about. Regulus probably felt like Hogwarts took his older brother and replaced him with a stranger. Must be worse for Lily’s sister since Petunia’s a Muggle. Imagine being in the same building every day yet missing each other because everything’s changed. Imagine trying to explain that to friends who are part of those changes and have no siblings so will never understand. Want to punch myself for agreeing with Peter about the ‘i’ word. You were right to tell us off. I’ll wait up with you to make sure he gets home safe.”
“I’m not his boyfriend,” Remus pointed out. He hadn’t told anyone about the conversation in the infirmary three weeks ago. “If you’d been awake the night he broke his limbs-”
“I was awake. Patronus Padfoot went to you.”
“That isn’t his.”
“I figured he couldn’t be that arrogant after seeing his falcon again. Little Black trusts the werewolf to take care of his big brother.”
“I’m not his boyfriend either,” Remus grunted.
James grinned.
~~~
Regulus told Sirius to stay the Grim as they approached the large groundskeeper’s hut in which Rubeus Hagrid lived.
“Who’s this then?” Hagrid asked with a warm smile as he bent without hesitation to greet Padfoot with an affectionate pat. “Seen him about almost regular.”
“My pet Grim, Snuffles,” Regulus said boldly.
Sirius would have frowned then laughed if he wasn’t presently the dog in question.
Hagrid brought them inside to see the three hatchlings. “Their mum’s asleep out back if y’ want t’ take a look,” Hagrid said encouragingly.
“Will it be safe for Snuffles?”
“Long as he don’t bark or try to hump or anythin’.”
“Hear that, Snuffles? No humping.”
‘Snuffles’ whacked Regulus across one leg with his tail then leaned against him as Regulus gave his head, neck, and ears a lovely deep pat.
The sleeping adult was enormous, even with her equine bulk concealed beneath her wings. Sirius could see his brother’s innocent excitement at seeing this magnificent magical creature up close. They made a slow, cautious circuit of the nest then went back inside to observe the hatchlings.
“’aven’t named ‘em yet,” Hagrid drawled in his ponderous accent. “There’s two female an’ one male.”
Regulus sat with Snuffles’ head in his lap to look carefully at each hatchling without touching them. His hands moved constantly over canine head and flanks, safely bestowing much-needed affection as Regulus began suggesting names to Hagrid. Snuffles chuffed, whined, or wagged his tail to provide input. After much deliberation, the hatchlings were dubbed Featherhook, Witherwings, and Buckbeak. Regulus yawned. Snuffles nudged his muzzle against the sleepy jaw.
“We’d best return to bed,” said Regulus, standing with assistance from Snuffles. “Thank you, Mr Hagrid.” Using the honorific proved the depth of his admiration for magical creatures. Regulus was one of the handful of students who didn’t vilify Hagrid despite Hagrid’s obvious Giant ancestry, and the only one who never harassed Xenophilius Lovegood.
“Pets aren’t normally allowed on school grounds,” Hagrid gently warned Regulus. “Snuffles can stay here if y’ like. Grant ‘im the title of Groundskeeper’s Hound so the Board of Governors an’ their brats can’t kick up a stink.”
Regulus smiled dryly. “My brother and I are two of those brats, since Mother remains alive and on the Board. Snuffles is only here temporarily to assuage our grief at Father’s passing. He sometimes keeps the werewolf company, too.”
“Y’ shouldn’ be out on full moons,” Hagrid’s warning was again gentle. Sirius was a mite jealous.
“They should cordon a section of forest for him to run in. He’s a magical creature and should be free, like the Thestrals. We should all be free.”
“Reckon at fifteen y’ know more ‘an Dumbledore? Yer wouldn’t give a toot ‘bout safe space for Remus to run wild in if he weren’ a wizard - half wizard in your opinion. Heart’s in the right place, Regulus, bu’ when ‘t comes to Death Eaters y’ brain is in y’ arse. Their freedom is for the likes o’ you, no’ me ‘n’ Lupin. Every creature and being is beneath ‘em, no matter how magical. They won’ think much o’ yer either once they know y’ think tha’s bollocks.”
“Thank you for inviting me to see the hippogriffs, Mr Hagrid,” Regulus repeated with stiff politeness. “Apologies for proving unworthy of the privilege.”
“I ne’er said that! Too much o’ that Black pride stopping you from being free. I were at school same time as y’ parents, them a couple years below. Hoity-toity pair. Name Black’ll become one to be proud o’ ‘cause you and Sirius ’ll make it so. No’ y’ cousins or anyone else behind yers.”
Regulus nodded soberly. Snuffles pressed his muzzle into the palm of his brother’s hand and wagged his tail goodbye at Hagrid. Regulus walked instead of flying to a blind spot from all buildings. He knelt by Snuffles, put both arms around him, and mumbled “Sorry Snuffles,” into his fur before murmuring “Obliviate.”
Sirius’ memory of the visit to Hagrid’s now ended with “We’d best return to bed. Thank you, Mr Hagrid.” Then jumped ahead to this spot with Regulus kneeling before Sirius to give him his clothes. Sirius didn’t have to be naked for the Animagus transfiguration, but he noticed a difference in Padfoot when he kept his clothes on and felt less free.
“Those hatchlings were uglier than expected. Like Snivellus faces with Wormtail back ends,” Sirius declared happily while dressing. Regulus snorted then chuckled, again looking away as though their parents’ House Elves hadn’t bathed them together from the ages of birth to ten. “Did I try it on with you again? Is that why you did what you just did? You shouldn’t. It’s my shame to bear, not yours.”
“It wasn’t that. I said something ignorant and don’t want you focusing on that instead of hippogriffs. Hippogriffs, Sirius!” Regulus repeated excitedly while mounting his broom.
“Snuffles, though? I thought you called Padfoot Grim.”
“Padfoot is too optimistic and cuddly to be the Grim. From now on, you’re Snuffles.”
Sirius got on behind and Regulus sped to the castle as though in pursuit of the world’s fastest snitch.
~~~
Canine Padfoot hurried into the dorm and onto Moony’s bed, crouching over him on all fours, then shifted back to Sirius.
“Hippogriffs!” James heard Sirius whisper excitedly. “Hagrid has hippogriffs. They’re almost as magnificent as you!” Sirius kissed Remus on the forehead before moving across to his own bed like a bounding puppy.
James stuck his leg out of bed to give Sirius a hefty nudge. “Where have you been?” he demanded.
“Out.”
“Doing what?”
“Processing my grief.”
“At an opium den?”
“Hagrid’s, numb-nuts, which you’d know since I forgot to take the Map.”
“Why with Regulus instead of me?”
Sirius’ snorting laughter shook through his bed along the wall to James’ bed. “Haven’t you heard the rumours about why my parents kicked me out to live with you? Popular consensus has you as bottom, by the way.”
“Eurgh!” James declared.
“You’d have put Moony in danger from a big mummy hippogriff if you’d all snuck under the cloak to follow me, and I only know about the hippogriffs because Regulus told me.”
“Your Patronuses act weird. How come you can touch them?” James asked.
“Must be all the inbreeding within the most ancient, noble, and greedy House of Black. Galleons, artefacts, and the family name aren’t all those pureblood maniacs hoard, Prongs. The most important thing they don’t want to share is the magic.”
“I wasn’t saying…”
“You were. Everyone does. There’s no escaping my ancestry. That doesn’t mean I have to perpetuate its Thestral dung.” Sirius threw a pillow at James. “My little brother’s trying to cheer me up. Letting him cheers him up. His father died, too. Orion was horrible to Regulus in different ways, but he was still awful to us both.” Sirius flopped back on his bed, arms out, staring at the ceiling. “I truly am a tick-turd. We tormented a boy with an even shittier homelife than mine. No wonder Evans hates us.”
“Hates you,” James retorted. “Lily likes me now.”
“Best lift your game to keep it that way. Peter was right, you know.”
“About incestuous molestation being why you left Grimmauld Place?”
“About Moony being nice and us being horrible to him, but because Moony’s too nice to tell us precisely how horrible we’re being, we think we’re alright. We aren’t alright, Prongs. The only difference between us and Death Eaters is pureblood Magic is Might fanaticism.”
James sat up and looked at his best friend. “You really aren’t alright, are you?” he asked with deep concern.
“Maturity has conquered Padfoot, we’re doomed!” Moony proclaimed.
James had forgotten Moony was awake; and had been pounced on then kissed by Padfoot.
“Why are you all so loud? Is a school night,” grumbled Wormtail. “Rowdy arseholes.”
“Hippogriffs, Wormtail!” Sirius said grandly.
Wormtail snorted. “No thanks. Go maraud without me.” He buried his face in his pillow. His friends chuckled. Everyone settled back down to sleep.
Padfoot softly broke the silence a long moment later. “I heard, you know, that incest conversation. Unless you’ve had others, then I’ve only heard one. Thanks for still being my friends despite deviancy being statistically probable.”
James wondered what was going on in Padfoot’s head. Why had he pounced on Moony and not James? Why had Padfoot kissed Moony like that? At all? What did Moony make of it? James crept over to kneel beside Padfoot’s bed. “Is that why you’re suddenly leaving me out of stuff, in case I think you’re gross?”
“How could a specky git such as you possibly find my studly self, gross?” Padfoot asked in a lofty whisper.
James laughed quietly to avoid disturbing their roommates and gave Padfoot an empathetic nudge. “You seem to think you’re gross. There’s a permanent sullen undercurrent to your clever arrogance. It’s been rising to the top lately. No matter how horrific your homelife was you can tell me. I’m not going to-”
“Hang me upside down and remove my trousers in front of our entire year? If I was in Slytherin and Snivellus your Gryffindor roommate-”
“You’re the one who shoved Snivellus at full moon Moony. There’s no moral high-ground beneath your feet, Black.”
“You only hate him because Evans doesn’t.”
“Please,” Wormtail groaned, “both agree to stop being gits, and go to sleep!”
Moony laughed abruptly then stifled it by rolling face-down on his pillow. “Soul gits,” he whispered to Wormtail then buried his face in his pillow again. Wormtail’s laugh began as a sputter behind closed lips.
Padfoot randomly sang out. “Hey gits, go gits, soul gits, go gits. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir? No, because you’re gits!”The Marauders became caught in a cyclic cascade of chuckling snorts until they were all asleep. They were all solid friends again in the morning.
~~~
Sirius made a game of singing “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?” at anyone who collided with him in the school corridors, and ensured he collided with a lot of people. On the move between Transfiguration and Potions, he deliberately collided with Regulus and sang with vigour.
“I know what that means, Sirius Orion,” Regulus said sternly.
“Then what’s your answer?” Sirius asked, daringly alleging otherwise.
Regulus flicked a jinx at his brother’s groin.
“AH! My precious penis!” Sirius cried, melodramatically covering himself and sagging to his knees.
“At least now your partners can find it,” Regulus quipped.
Sirius jumped to his feet. Regulus fled. Sirius pursued until the jinx made the swelling so uncomfortable that he fell. “Argh, I hate you,” he groaned at Regulus, rolling in agony on the floor. Regulus stopped to laugh then sauntered to his next class.
“Black’s gitness appears to be hereditary,” Peter said to Remus then looked at James. “Now how do we explain Potter’s?” he added. Even the Slytherins laughed. Peter was insufferably smug for the rest of the day.
~~~
Sirius was the first Marauder to come of age. His friends had pitched in together to buy him a black leather motorcycle jacket. James purchased the jacket, Remus bought the sew-on badges from a Muggle store, and Peter provided metal studs for Sirius to apply in whatever patterns he wished. They’d decided against putting the phrase “Do Me Like A Dog” across the back, for which Sirius was grateful despite finding it amusing. His Uncle Alphard sent a key ring with a solitary key and photograph of a big black Muggle motorcycle. “Modified for wizard transport.” Sirius grinned at his friends. “Betty will be waiting in Hogsmeade for me to collect during the next scheduled day-trip, provided I haven’t earned detention in the meantime.”
“Your uncle bought you a prostitute!?!” Peter declared.
“Betty is what I’m naming the bike. My bike,” Sirius added proudly. “The Potters have given permission for her to be garaged at their house during term so I can ride during holidays.”
James expressed genuine surprise. “Cannot believe they knew but didn’t tell me! My present better be better than that.”
“No present, to or from anyone, can be better than Betty!”
Between lights out and midnight, the Patronus dog crawled along the dorm floor on its belly to deposit a gift box on his bed.
“How does it carry things?” Peter demanded to know once it left. “No Patronus should be able to do that!”
“Present!” Sirius said excitedly. “Who cares how it arrived?” Inside was a section of motorcycle chain just long enough to be worn around his neck and sit along his collarbone. The metal links had been transfigured into black tourmaline. The pins were still metal but modified to be stronger and lighter.
“That’s, uhm, a bit sexy,” said purely heterosexual Peter.
“Black tourmaline is protective, you nit,” said James. “It draws out and deflects negative energies. In keeping with the motorcycle theme, too. Wish we’d thought of it,” he admitted enviously.
Sirius wore it immediately and slept in it. Next morning, he deliberately left his shirt unbuttoned at the top with his tie sloppily knotted at half-mast. Several virginities were offered to him on his way to and through the Great Hall for breakfast.
Lily Evans began reprimanding Remus for not disciplining Black’s improperly worn uniform, then spotted his new accessory. “Somebody loves you,” Lily pronounced in a seriously impressed tone as she touched the tourmaline without asking first. Most un-Evans behaviour. “Save being improperly dressed for when we aren’t required to be in uniform. And no being excessively sexy on school grounds.”
“Moderately sexy is perfectly within school rules,” Remus told Sirius, “So you won’t be expelled for simply existing.”
Lily laughed with an affectionately friendly hand on Remus’ shoulder. “Anyway, happy birthday for yesterday old man. No seducing professors to escape detention now it’s only immoral instead of illegal.”
Sirius smiled broadly at Lily. “Always the prefect.”
“Around you lot, I need to be,” Lily quipped back then headed for the other end of the long table.
“The girl you’re obsessed with finds me sexy,” Sirius gloated in a faux whisper to James.
“Apparently everyone but me and Peter find you sexy,” James replied.
“It’s not a matter of opinion, Prongs,” said Peter. “Sirius possesses all the elements of an archetypically sexy male character.”
Sirius leaned back and stretched his arms over his head then out to the sides. “Questioning your sexuality, Potter?” he asked smugly.
“Questioning my sanity,” James grumbled.