Fruits Basket - Shaping Akito (3/3) - Akito/Shigure - 15+
Title: Shaping Akito part 3 Finding the True Path (all chapters at AO3)
Fandom: Fruits Basket (manga + anime)
Pairing: Sohma Akito/Sohma Shigure
Rating: 15+
Word Count Chapter 3 = 3258 Total = 14 115
Warnings: spoilers for manga chapters 97-132
Disclaimer: characters created by Takaya Natsuki
Chapter Summary: The poisonous past taints the present and threatens to jeopardise the Sohma family's future. Akito must decide which traditions to keep, which to shed, and what to do about Shigure. The Dog's riddles aren't easy to decipher but eventually he and Akito discover the truths that will bring them both peace and love.
1. W hen the Dog Lived Inside 2. Crumbled Foundations and Tumbling Walls
3 - Finding the True Path
This slippery path of contrition had been paved by Akito and she must walk it alone.
Vile emotions constantly churned her stomach until dry retching exhausted her neglected body. It took more courage than she believed she’d find to face Kureno. “You ask too much,” he said with his back to Akito.
“I seek to apologise, not beg forgiveness. I won’t approach you again-for any reason.” They parted as strangers. Only then did Akito realise Kureno had been her closest and most loyal friend.
This bout of bold humility led her to talk with Tohru and also Tohru’s friends. They’d been given enough vague clues to draw several accurate conclusions while remaining completely ignorant of the Sohma family curse. Tohru Honda was indeed the honourable maiden Shigure described. The tall, fair-haired friend known as Arisa embraced Akito and cried on her before rushing to Kureno’s side because she loved him. Akito felt no anger or jealousy, only remorse and hope on their behalf. Let Arisa be the balm to wounds Akito inflicted.
Isuzu she could not face, having humiliated her so grievously yet still bearing years of jealousy. None of the Zodiac approached Akito to question or accuse until the day Hiro came to say he was no longer the Sheep. His separation was more wrenching than Momiji’s, far less alarming than Kureno’s. Akito treated him more gently than either Rabbit or Bird. Not because Hiro was second youngest in the Zodiac but because he had ambition, strength and other qualities Akito admired. This compliment tagged to the end of a list of ways he irritated Akito put Hiro off balance and amused Akito.
Perhaps Akito could gather them all together and issue a single apology for the cruelties inflicted on each member of the Zodiac, all but Kureno who had already left. She set Hiro the task of inviting their Zodiac cousins to the main house. “Including the Cat,” Akito insisted.
“That’s it? You’re not going to slap me across the room or throw me through a window?”
“I can if you like,” Akito replied with slightly evil smile-another habit learned from Shigure.
“No thanks!” Hiro called over his shoulder as he ran from the room.
________________________________________
Pages of meticulous research covered Akito’s floor as she searched for a pattern. There was no link between those who had been released from their Zodiac spirit aside from gender. Kureno had been born fourth, Momiji ninth and Hiro eleventh. Their positions in the calendar were equally random. Akito lay amid the copious notes in defeat. If Akito could gain control of this phenomenon she would choose Kyo to be next. She abruptly sat and began gathering papers into a single pile. The deeper secrets of the bond may elude her but Akito possessed the earthly power needed to end the Cat’s shame. The seclusion house must be torn down. If Kyo questioned Akito she had an answer prepared: “I lost our bet. You defeated Yuki and earned your freedom the moment Tohru chose your heart over his. Live outside the way you choose. You are also welcome inside, Kyo.”
He would not love Akito for it. There was something liberating in that prospect. Often, before his death, Akira would say to his child “you are born to be loved Akito” but she never had been, not truly. Akito begged her father’s spirit for forgiveness. “I am a flawed vessel and the precious souls left to my care are slowly leaking out.”
An image rose in Akito’s mind of a terracotta bowl painted with the fable of the Zodiac Banquet. Cat lay as though asleep but Akito knew he was dead. The brightly glazed Cockerel, Rabbit and Sheep were cracked. Beads of water seeped through the broken seams. Akito concentrated on the vision. Carefully she lifted the bowl to examine the cracks and discovered the liquid inside was not water but tears. Tears the fabled God need never shed. He would never be lonely again now his animal friends shared the promise of eternal friendship. “How did our love become a curse?” Akito asked her vision of him. He greatly resembled Ayame as he looked at Akito with astonished eyes.
“Cat knew this would happen. I misunderstood his warning and punished him. He who was the first guest invited into my heart.” The beautiful man dipped a finger into the bowl of tears then used it to paint a stripe from the corner of Akito’s eye to her chin. “Share my pain. Set them free.”
It hurt far more than any mortal could endure alone but somehow He was there at Akito’s side, the binder of the curse. His words were her words. His agony and remorse mirrored hers. Akito cried the tears He could not and they both felt the others cry with her. Rat was last to be set free since this was the only form of tenderness Yuki and Akito shared. This was how Akito embraced the terrified boy and apologised.
Then she was entirely alone. The connection to the central spirit had also been broken, never to be repaired. But this loneliness would not be eternal. Within the hour Tohru and Kyo ran through the main house and Tohru held Akito like Akira would but Ren never had. Akito clung to Tohru, thankful for this friendship but still wishing such comfort had been offered by Shigure.
Kyo’s awkward smile of sympathetic thanks as he led his overly emotional soufflé of a girlfriend away reminded Akito she had a human soul of her own. It wasn’t Akito’s time to smile, though. Something else needed fixing first.
________________________________________
He’d gotten in again. Akito was too anxious to find the inevitability amusing. Shigure began with his usual patronising compliments: You’ve made a good start, how are you going to make amends, and so forth. Then he delivered the biggest insult. “A present to commemorate the separation,” he said while handing Akito a blank shopping bag with handles.
Akito had maintained a calm if miserable air these past few days. That shattered. The gift was ignored. If he intended to disappear then she intended to forget him. “I HATE YOU! I knew you’d be the one to throw me away!”
His voice was calm and tender but somehow similar to the way he spoke before leaving that night. “Who said anything about throwing you away?” Then he explained. Darn his writer’s soul and Akito’s inability to understand his riddles until he spelled them out. She accepted the gift meant to mark her new life, free of the burden of the Zodiac curse, but did not open it. “You have many choices, Akito. If you seek me out then I will know.” Then he left.
So abrupt! Couldn’t he talk in a straight line? Why was he always doing this?
Keep this, please, as a reminder that we were once friends
For the past three years, the Zodiac members had pinned all their hopes in Tohru. All her life Akito had pinned hers on Shigure. Dreadful Dog! No longer a dog… What decisions did he believe Akito faced? Which decisions did he hope she’d make?
“Stop treating Akito like a girl” … “I can’t”
“You have to keep away from Shigure” … Impossible. That’s what Akito told her memories, what she should have told Hatori that day instead of yelling at Shigure. Was it possible that Shigure found it impossible to keep away from Akito for the same reason?
She opened his gift to find a furisode, the kind of feminine kimono Ritsu had been ridiculed for wearing. The fabric was incredibly soft. No wonder Ritsu preferred wearing these to trousers or hakama and uwagi. Akito wept because she wasn’t sure how to wear such a lovely gift. When was obvious and that meant she couldn’t seek Ritsu’s help. It would be nice to finally say to him “See? I’ve also been forced to wear masculine clothing. Despite angry words that sometimes burst from my mouth, you’ve never been alone. Every silence has been filled with sympathy.” She wept some more because this gift said the same thing. Pity and compassion did not equal love.
Beneath the dark furisode was a pale obi which was carefully folded around an otherwise plain and cubic box. Inside this box rested a flower, recently plucked from the garden of Shigure’s parents. Akito knew because this was the same type of flower he’d placed in her hair twelve years ago. The bush it came from had been planted by Akira the day Shigure was born. In this way the arrival of each Zodiac child was honoured. Akito had been too young to understand the significance of Shigure’s gift. She had been too angry and jealous to properly see the origami flower-he had not manipulated her into bed as she feared. He quietly accepted banishment because he could not accept Akito as male. Hope rose and spread like scented smoke.
________________________________________
Her two favourite attendants helped her dress in the furisode. They did not ask where the garment came from although one woman smiled while attaching the flower to Akito’s carefully arranged hair.
“How many?” Akito asked the woman who returned as Akito’s lips were being painted. The subtle colour had to be removed and reapplied but the attendant neither scolded nor complained.
“Twelve as I left them,” the returning attendant replied while making one final adjustment to Akito’s obi.
Kureno was definitely one of the missing two. “Kyo, Yuki?” Akito asked without moving her lips which earned a smile of approval from the woman applying colour.
“Both present.”
Akito left it at that.
“Are you ready Mistress Akito?” asked the attendant in front of Akito.
“No,” Akito admitted and took some practice steps across the room. “How do you walk as a woman?”
“Without thinking,” replied one.
“Your shape will guide you,” the other insisted.
“The kind of riddle Shigure offers for advice,” Akito muttered and felt her gait change at the thought of him.
“There! You have it!” Both attendants rejoiced with vibrant smiles. “I will announce you,” said the most valued.
Hatori waited in the doorway from Akito’s private quarters rather than in the central room with the others. He didn’t show surprise or smile. Neither did he show disapproval. His opinion didn’t matter on this occasion.
“Shigure?” Akito asked.
“Don’t know,” Hatori admitted drily.
Akito’s anxiety increased but she was determined to keep it hidden. Shigure did not care to see what choice she’d made or offer support. Once more Akito had misunderstood his intentions and placed too much faith in him. The flower was not a mark of affection but a declaration along the lines of ‘I know something you don’t know’ so his cousins would feel ignorant in comparison. Removing it now Hatori had seen would mean further victory for Shigure. How long had they been at war? Why? Would Akito ever understand anyone’s motives, including her own? There was no time for introspection as her foot crossed the threshold into the central room of the main house. Without fuss Akito introduced her cousins to her natural form. Ayame, like his friends, already knew the truth. His cool green eyes appraised the furisode before he gave a nod of professional approval and looked away. Akito knew him well enough to recognise disinterest. Aya had not dismissed Akito entirely. Most of his attention had turned to Yuki and his younger brother’s reaction. Like the majority, Yuki only stared. Ritsu’s reaction was hilarious.
“Akito shares my hobby?! Forgive my bad influence!”
Akito was too terrified to laugh or smile at Ritsu’s apologetic flailing. “This is different,” she assured him plainly and knelt before those she’d been destined to lead. “I too have an original form.” The abundance of surprise was reassuring. The lack of disgust and ridicule confused Akito. If someone spat, insulted Akito or walked away-she knew how to react to something like that. Everyone waited in silence. Their scrutiny made it difficult to be more than politely brief. “Despite recent changes I remain head of the main house. There is much to be done and I promise to fulfil my duties.” Akito lifted her eyes from the floor and looked each member of the zodiac in the face. “It was not my decision to mislead you.” This statement referred to the lie they’d been forced to live under as well the mistakes she made. “I will do my best to bring honour to the House of Sohma and not disgrace.”
Questions ripened in their minds but Akito stood before they bore fruit. Hatori put a brotherly hand on her shoulder. Akito covered it with one of hers instead of shrugging it off.
“There’s something I must attend to before courage fails me. Let them know their questions will be answered to the best of my knowledge.” Akito did not wait for Hatori’s reply. She had her own questions that refused to wait any longer.
If you seek me…
Aya’s voice carried in the silence. “I should have guessed who it was for. That’s why he stayed away, isn’t it Tori? It would hurt too much if she hadn’t worn it.”
“Don’t you know when to shut up?” demanded Kyo. “Who are you talking about, anyway?”
“Don’t concern yourself with grown up talk, kitten Kyo.”
“Stop calling me kitten Kyo!”
One weight slid from Akito’s back and she found it easier to run. The bonds between the cousins remained unbroken. Hope was such a tenuous yet enduring emotion, easily damaged but far more difficult to destroy.
…seek me out...
Thank goodness Akito had the sense to restore the family to their original house. Already she was puffed and no doubt flustered and unattractive. If she’d had to cross the entire compound…
“Forgive my intrusion. Is Shigure in?” How Akito kept her breathing steady enough to ask so calmly, she’d never know. His parents looked up at once. Neither showed surprise although the mother could not hold Akito’s eyes.
“He called in on his way home earlier. We could drive you…” His father had already begun to stand.
“That isn’t necessary. The afternoon is quite young.”
“An unmarried woman should not travel such a distance unescorted.” His mother reminded Akito gently of the new restrictions associated with her liberation. There was no such thing as true freedom it seemed.
“Very well,” Akito replied because she couldn’t really say otherwise. “I thank you.”
The journey was made in silence although Shigure’s mother reached across the backseat to touch Akito’s hand as his father opened the door to let Akito out. “The circle closes and begins again.” Did Akito actually hear those words or were they left from her final communion with the spirit man from the zodiac banquet?
She felt lost before the car drove away and became more disoriented with each step. What if Shigure did not want to be her guiding light now Akito was an adult woman? How should she approach him let alone the subject at hand?
The visitors’ door was ajar. One pair of shoes sat on the rack-his. Akito placed hers beside his but not too closely in case such a gesture could be misread. Quietly, not sure how her presence would be received, Akito travelled through to the main room and stopped. He sat on the back porch with the large screen open behind him and his back to her as he read a book in afternoon sunlight. Always a book, writing if not reading! He was older and taller, this was a different house and those flowers did not grow in this garden, but Akito felt the same wonder as she had twelve years ago. He remained the most handsome, independent and fascinating. The urge to possess him bodily and make him part of her became overwhelming. Is this what it meant to be a woman? Is this why their elders kept Akito and Shigure at odds until they learned to do so themselves? He did not turn to acknowledge Akito as he had on that day. Perhaps he sought the opportunity to reject her as a woman, not merely ‘Akito’. Perhaps Akito would die of loving him.
We used to be friends Akito. I miss that.
Akito did too and so confided as though they had remained friends. “It was difficult.” They spoke blandly until Shigure asked if Akito wanted him to be part of this other life. He made it sound like an accusation and Akito almost lied before admitting the truth. “Yes. Are you angry?”
“Yes and yet since that day I’ve waited for you to come in search of me again.”
They relived their memories of that moment together and then Akito touched Shigure’s hands. “I love…” His hands subtly turned to catch her fingers; making this simple gesture far more intimate than anything they’d done the night they had sex. “I love you,” they said together. Rather than waiting or forcing Shigure to kiss her, Akito leaned forward to touch his lips with her mouth. He carefully brought her onto his lap. Her skirts created difficulties since the furisode draped in a different manner to a masculine kimono. “I must seek Ritsu’s advice on how to sit like a lady.”
Shigure laughed and smiled at Akito with unrestrained affection, as he used to do when he was princely hero to her lonely, bewildered child. But now there burned something else, an emotion she had mistaken for angry superiority when they were younger.
“I’ll kiss that smile off your face,” she threatened lustfully.
“You’ll try,” he retorted and leaned back so Akito had to rest directly on his lap to reach.
“Success,” Akito declared between kissing and being kissed.
“I’d undress you and claim you here, except our children would no doubt arrive home to spoil our victory.”
“You’re more like a perverted uncle than a father figure,” Akito teased.
Shigure became serious as his arms circled Akito’s waist. “Recently you have been mother to Kyo. I hope this is how you will lead all the family, with sensible love and maturity.”
“It’s difficult alone. Will you stay by my side, where you belong?” Akito asked directly.
“Since you express it in such a poetic manner and with enticingly heaving bosoms, I feel I must. Despite years of hoping I never truly expected this exile to end so pleasantly.”
Akito stood and helped Shigure to his feet. “Since we’re beginning anew, it’s best to only mention past mistakes if we’re in danger of making them again.”
“Is this said as head of the main house?” Shigure asked to test Akito.
“As a woman in love,” she boldly admitted.
Shigure framed her face with a tender touch and kissed her just as gently before leading Akito to his room. “As a man in love, and since this is the last night I’ll spend in this house, I invite you to stay. This poor neglected bed has known no love since I moved in and deserves a fitting farewell.”
“Your nonsense makes me nervous.” His proximity and masculinity made her aroused.
“So long I’ve waited for you to realise why your presence is so agonising and vital to me but I’m not going any further until you say you’ll stay.”
“I’ll stay.”
Shigure explored Akito’s female design with his eyes as well as his hands this time as they undressed each other. “Shall I show you the difference between men and women, Akito?” he asked seductively before removing the final layer of modesty. The difference stood tall and proud, as did Shigure. Akito reached for him and together they learned the difference between having sex and making love.
{end}
Fandom: Fruits Basket (manga + anime)
Pairing: Sohma Akito/Sohma Shigure
Rating: 15+
Word Count Chapter 3 = 3258 Total = 14 115
Warnings: spoilers for manga chapters 97-132
Disclaimer: characters created by Takaya Natsuki
Chapter Summary: The poisonous past taints the present and threatens to jeopardise the Sohma family's future. Akito must decide which traditions to keep, which to shed, and what to do about Shigure. The Dog's riddles aren't easy to decipher but eventually he and Akito discover the truths that will bring them both peace and love.
1. W hen the Dog Lived Inside 2. Crumbled Foundations and Tumbling Walls
3 - Finding the True Path
This slippery path of contrition had been paved by Akito and she must walk it alone.
Vile emotions constantly churned her stomach until dry retching exhausted her neglected body. It took more courage than she believed she’d find to face Kureno. “You ask too much,” he said with his back to Akito.
“I seek to apologise, not beg forgiveness. I won’t approach you again-for any reason.” They parted as strangers. Only then did Akito realise Kureno had been her closest and most loyal friend.
This bout of bold humility led her to talk with Tohru and also Tohru’s friends. They’d been given enough vague clues to draw several accurate conclusions while remaining completely ignorant of the Sohma family curse. Tohru Honda was indeed the honourable maiden Shigure described. The tall, fair-haired friend known as Arisa embraced Akito and cried on her before rushing to Kureno’s side because she loved him. Akito felt no anger or jealousy, only remorse and hope on their behalf. Let Arisa be the balm to wounds Akito inflicted.
Isuzu she could not face, having humiliated her so grievously yet still bearing years of jealousy. None of the Zodiac approached Akito to question or accuse until the day Hiro came to say he was no longer the Sheep. His separation was more wrenching than Momiji’s, far less alarming than Kureno’s. Akito treated him more gently than either Rabbit or Bird. Not because Hiro was second youngest in the Zodiac but because he had ambition, strength and other qualities Akito admired. This compliment tagged to the end of a list of ways he irritated Akito put Hiro off balance and amused Akito.
Perhaps Akito could gather them all together and issue a single apology for the cruelties inflicted on each member of the Zodiac, all but Kureno who had already left. She set Hiro the task of inviting their Zodiac cousins to the main house. “Including the Cat,” Akito insisted.
“That’s it? You’re not going to slap me across the room or throw me through a window?”
“I can if you like,” Akito replied with slightly evil smile-another habit learned from Shigure.
“No thanks!” Hiro called over his shoulder as he ran from the room.
________________________________________
Pages of meticulous research covered Akito’s floor as she searched for a pattern. There was no link between those who had been released from their Zodiac spirit aside from gender. Kureno had been born fourth, Momiji ninth and Hiro eleventh. Their positions in the calendar were equally random. Akito lay amid the copious notes in defeat. If Akito could gain control of this phenomenon she would choose Kyo to be next. She abruptly sat and began gathering papers into a single pile. The deeper secrets of the bond may elude her but Akito possessed the earthly power needed to end the Cat’s shame. The seclusion house must be torn down. If Kyo questioned Akito she had an answer prepared: “I lost our bet. You defeated Yuki and earned your freedom the moment Tohru chose your heart over his. Live outside the way you choose. You are also welcome inside, Kyo.”
He would not love Akito for it. There was something liberating in that prospect. Often, before his death, Akira would say to his child “you are born to be loved Akito” but she never had been, not truly. Akito begged her father’s spirit for forgiveness. “I am a flawed vessel and the precious souls left to my care are slowly leaking out.”
An image rose in Akito’s mind of a terracotta bowl painted with the fable of the Zodiac Banquet. Cat lay as though asleep but Akito knew he was dead. The brightly glazed Cockerel, Rabbit and Sheep were cracked. Beads of water seeped through the broken seams. Akito concentrated on the vision. Carefully she lifted the bowl to examine the cracks and discovered the liquid inside was not water but tears. Tears the fabled God need never shed. He would never be lonely again now his animal friends shared the promise of eternal friendship. “How did our love become a curse?” Akito asked her vision of him. He greatly resembled Ayame as he looked at Akito with astonished eyes.
“Cat knew this would happen. I misunderstood his warning and punished him. He who was the first guest invited into my heart.” The beautiful man dipped a finger into the bowl of tears then used it to paint a stripe from the corner of Akito’s eye to her chin. “Share my pain. Set them free.”
It hurt far more than any mortal could endure alone but somehow He was there at Akito’s side, the binder of the curse. His words were her words. His agony and remorse mirrored hers. Akito cried the tears He could not and they both felt the others cry with her. Rat was last to be set free since this was the only form of tenderness Yuki and Akito shared. This was how Akito embraced the terrified boy and apologised.
Then she was entirely alone. The connection to the central spirit had also been broken, never to be repaired. But this loneliness would not be eternal. Within the hour Tohru and Kyo ran through the main house and Tohru held Akito like Akira would but Ren never had. Akito clung to Tohru, thankful for this friendship but still wishing such comfort had been offered by Shigure.
Kyo’s awkward smile of sympathetic thanks as he led his overly emotional soufflé of a girlfriend away reminded Akito she had a human soul of her own. It wasn’t Akito’s time to smile, though. Something else needed fixing first.
________________________________________
He’d gotten in again. Akito was too anxious to find the inevitability amusing. Shigure began with his usual patronising compliments: You’ve made a good start, how are you going to make amends, and so forth. Then he delivered the biggest insult. “A present to commemorate the separation,” he said while handing Akito a blank shopping bag with handles.
Akito had maintained a calm if miserable air these past few days. That shattered. The gift was ignored. If he intended to disappear then she intended to forget him. “I HATE YOU! I knew you’d be the one to throw me away!”
His voice was calm and tender but somehow similar to the way he spoke before leaving that night. “Who said anything about throwing you away?” Then he explained. Darn his writer’s soul and Akito’s inability to understand his riddles until he spelled them out. She accepted the gift meant to mark her new life, free of the burden of the Zodiac curse, but did not open it. “You have many choices, Akito. If you seek me out then I will know.” Then he left.
So abrupt! Couldn’t he talk in a straight line? Why was he always doing this?
Keep this, please, as a reminder that we were once friends
For the past three years, the Zodiac members had pinned all their hopes in Tohru. All her life Akito had pinned hers on Shigure. Dreadful Dog! No longer a dog… What decisions did he believe Akito faced? Which decisions did he hope she’d make?
“Stop treating Akito like a girl” … “I can’t”
“You have to keep away from Shigure” … Impossible. That’s what Akito told her memories, what she should have told Hatori that day instead of yelling at Shigure. Was it possible that Shigure found it impossible to keep away from Akito for the same reason?
She opened his gift to find a furisode, the kind of feminine kimono Ritsu had been ridiculed for wearing. The fabric was incredibly soft. No wonder Ritsu preferred wearing these to trousers or hakama and uwagi. Akito wept because she wasn’t sure how to wear such a lovely gift. When was obvious and that meant she couldn’t seek Ritsu’s help. It would be nice to finally say to him “See? I’ve also been forced to wear masculine clothing. Despite angry words that sometimes burst from my mouth, you’ve never been alone. Every silence has been filled with sympathy.” She wept some more because this gift said the same thing. Pity and compassion did not equal love.
Beneath the dark furisode was a pale obi which was carefully folded around an otherwise plain and cubic box. Inside this box rested a flower, recently plucked from the garden of Shigure’s parents. Akito knew because this was the same type of flower he’d placed in her hair twelve years ago. The bush it came from had been planted by Akira the day Shigure was born. In this way the arrival of each Zodiac child was honoured. Akito had been too young to understand the significance of Shigure’s gift. She had been too angry and jealous to properly see the origami flower-he had not manipulated her into bed as she feared. He quietly accepted banishment because he could not accept Akito as male. Hope rose and spread like scented smoke.
________________________________________
Her two favourite attendants helped her dress in the furisode. They did not ask where the garment came from although one woman smiled while attaching the flower to Akito’s carefully arranged hair.
“How many?” Akito asked the woman who returned as Akito’s lips were being painted. The subtle colour had to be removed and reapplied but the attendant neither scolded nor complained.
“Twelve as I left them,” the returning attendant replied while making one final adjustment to Akito’s obi.
Kureno was definitely one of the missing two. “Kyo, Yuki?” Akito asked without moving her lips which earned a smile of approval from the woman applying colour.
“Both present.”
Akito left it at that.
“Are you ready Mistress Akito?” asked the attendant in front of Akito.
“No,” Akito admitted and took some practice steps across the room. “How do you walk as a woman?”
“Without thinking,” replied one.
“Your shape will guide you,” the other insisted.
“The kind of riddle Shigure offers for advice,” Akito muttered and felt her gait change at the thought of him.
“There! You have it!” Both attendants rejoiced with vibrant smiles. “I will announce you,” said the most valued.
Hatori waited in the doorway from Akito’s private quarters rather than in the central room with the others. He didn’t show surprise or smile. Neither did he show disapproval. His opinion didn’t matter on this occasion.
“Shigure?” Akito asked.
“Don’t know,” Hatori admitted drily.
Akito’s anxiety increased but she was determined to keep it hidden. Shigure did not care to see what choice she’d made or offer support. Once more Akito had misunderstood his intentions and placed too much faith in him. The flower was not a mark of affection but a declaration along the lines of ‘I know something you don’t know’ so his cousins would feel ignorant in comparison. Removing it now Hatori had seen would mean further victory for Shigure. How long had they been at war? Why? Would Akito ever understand anyone’s motives, including her own? There was no time for introspection as her foot crossed the threshold into the central room of the main house. Without fuss Akito introduced her cousins to her natural form. Ayame, like his friends, already knew the truth. His cool green eyes appraised the furisode before he gave a nod of professional approval and looked away. Akito knew him well enough to recognise disinterest. Aya had not dismissed Akito entirely. Most of his attention had turned to Yuki and his younger brother’s reaction. Like the majority, Yuki only stared. Ritsu’s reaction was hilarious.
“Akito shares my hobby?! Forgive my bad influence!”
Akito was too terrified to laugh or smile at Ritsu’s apologetic flailing. “This is different,” she assured him plainly and knelt before those she’d been destined to lead. “I too have an original form.” The abundance of surprise was reassuring. The lack of disgust and ridicule confused Akito. If someone spat, insulted Akito or walked away-she knew how to react to something like that. Everyone waited in silence. Their scrutiny made it difficult to be more than politely brief. “Despite recent changes I remain head of the main house. There is much to be done and I promise to fulfil my duties.” Akito lifted her eyes from the floor and looked each member of the zodiac in the face. “It was not my decision to mislead you.” This statement referred to the lie they’d been forced to live under as well the mistakes she made. “I will do my best to bring honour to the House of Sohma and not disgrace.”
Questions ripened in their minds but Akito stood before they bore fruit. Hatori put a brotherly hand on her shoulder. Akito covered it with one of hers instead of shrugging it off.
“There’s something I must attend to before courage fails me. Let them know their questions will be answered to the best of my knowledge.” Akito did not wait for Hatori’s reply. She had her own questions that refused to wait any longer.
If you seek me…
Aya’s voice carried in the silence. “I should have guessed who it was for. That’s why he stayed away, isn’t it Tori? It would hurt too much if she hadn’t worn it.”
“Don’t you know when to shut up?” demanded Kyo. “Who are you talking about, anyway?”
“Don’t concern yourself with grown up talk, kitten Kyo.”
“Stop calling me kitten Kyo!”
One weight slid from Akito’s back and she found it easier to run. The bonds between the cousins remained unbroken. Hope was such a tenuous yet enduring emotion, easily damaged but far more difficult to destroy.
…seek me out...
Thank goodness Akito had the sense to restore the family to their original house. Already she was puffed and no doubt flustered and unattractive. If she’d had to cross the entire compound…
“Forgive my intrusion. Is Shigure in?” How Akito kept her breathing steady enough to ask so calmly, she’d never know. His parents looked up at once. Neither showed surprise although the mother could not hold Akito’s eyes.
“He called in on his way home earlier. We could drive you…” His father had already begun to stand.
“That isn’t necessary. The afternoon is quite young.”
“An unmarried woman should not travel such a distance unescorted.” His mother reminded Akito gently of the new restrictions associated with her liberation. There was no such thing as true freedom it seemed.
“Very well,” Akito replied because she couldn’t really say otherwise. “I thank you.”
The journey was made in silence although Shigure’s mother reached across the backseat to touch Akito’s hand as his father opened the door to let Akito out. “The circle closes and begins again.” Did Akito actually hear those words or were they left from her final communion with the spirit man from the zodiac banquet?
She felt lost before the car drove away and became more disoriented with each step. What if Shigure did not want to be her guiding light now Akito was an adult woman? How should she approach him let alone the subject at hand?
The visitors’ door was ajar. One pair of shoes sat on the rack-his. Akito placed hers beside his but not too closely in case such a gesture could be misread. Quietly, not sure how her presence would be received, Akito travelled through to the main room and stopped. He sat on the back porch with the large screen open behind him and his back to her as he read a book in afternoon sunlight. Always a book, writing if not reading! He was older and taller, this was a different house and those flowers did not grow in this garden, but Akito felt the same wonder as she had twelve years ago. He remained the most handsome, independent and fascinating. The urge to possess him bodily and make him part of her became overwhelming. Is this what it meant to be a woman? Is this why their elders kept Akito and Shigure at odds until they learned to do so themselves? He did not turn to acknowledge Akito as he had on that day. Perhaps he sought the opportunity to reject her as a woman, not merely ‘Akito’. Perhaps Akito would die of loving him.
We used to be friends Akito. I miss that.
Akito did too and so confided as though they had remained friends. “It was difficult.” They spoke blandly until Shigure asked if Akito wanted him to be part of this other life. He made it sound like an accusation and Akito almost lied before admitting the truth. “Yes. Are you angry?”
“Yes and yet since that day I’ve waited for you to come in search of me again.”
They relived their memories of that moment together and then Akito touched Shigure’s hands. “I love…” His hands subtly turned to catch her fingers; making this simple gesture far more intimate than anything they’d done the night they had sex. “I love you,” they said together. Rather than waiting or forcing Shigure to kiss her, Akito leaned forward to touch his lips with her mouth. He carefully brought her onto his lap. Her skirts created difficulties since the furisode draped in a different manner to a masculine kimono. “I must seek Ritsu’s advice on how to sit like a lady.”
Shigure laughed and smiled at Akito with unrestrained affection, as he used to do when he was princely hero to her lonely, bewildered child. But now there burned something else, an emotion she had mistaken for angry superiority when they were younger.
“I’ll kiss that smile off your face,” she threatened lustfully.
“You’ll try,” he retorted and leaned back so Akito had to rest directly on his lap to reach.
“Success,” Akito declared between kissing and being kissed.
“I’d undress you and claim you here, except our children would no doubt arrive home to spoil our victory.”
“You’re more like a perverted uncle than a father figure,” Akito teased.
Shigure became serious as his arms circled Akito’s waist. “Recently you have been mother to Kyo. I hope this is how you will lead all the family, with sensible love and maturity.”
“It’s difficult alone. Will you stay by my side, where you belong?” Akito asked directly.
“Since you express it in such a poetic manner and with enticingly heaving bosoms, I feel I must. Despite years of hoping I never truly expected this exile to end so pleasantly.”
Akito stood and helped Shigure to his feet. “Since we’re beginning anew, it’s best to only mention past mistakes if we’re in danger of making them again.”
“Is this said as head of the main house?” Shigure asked to test Akito.
“As a woman in love,” she boldly admitted.
Shigure framed her face with a tender touch and kissed her just as gently before leading Akito to his room. “As a man in love, and since this is the last night I’ll spend in this house, I invite you to stay. This poor neglected bed has known no love since I moved in and deserves a fitting farewell.”
“Your nonsense makes me nervous.” His proximity and masculinity made her aroused.
“So long I’ve waited for you to realise why your presence is so agonising and vital to me but I’m not going any further until you say you’ll stay.”
“I’ll stay.”
Shigure explored Akito’s female design with his eyes as well as his hands this time as they undressed each other. “Shall I show you the difference between men and women, Akito?” he asked seductively before removing the final layer of modesty. The difference stood tall and proud, as did Shigure. Akito reached for him and together they learned the difference between having sex and making love.
{end}