Fruits Basket - Shaping Akito (2/3) - Akito/Shigure - M15+
Title: Shaping Akito chapter 2: Crumbled Foundations and Tumbling Walls (AO3)
Fandom: Fruits Basket (manga + anime)
Pairing: Sohma Akito/Sohma Shigure
Rating: T
Word Count part 2= 5203 Total= 14 115
Warnings: spoilers for chapters 97-132
Disclaimer: characters created by Takaya Natsuki
Chapter Summary: The fracture between Shigure and Akito causes everything to break. Establishing similar bonds of friendship with Haru and Hari but without the complications only creates further problems. Akito is in danger of losing not only those dearest to 'him' but also 'his' soul.
2 - Crumbled Foundations and Tumbling Walls
Hatori asked humiliating questions about Akito’s activities with Kureno. “You must be certain to avoid pregnancy.”
“If that was possible surely you would have said something before now.”
“I didn’t know you were sexually active before now.”
Akito snorted against Hatori’s face as he measured her blood pressure. “Shigure knew months ago and once he knows something you and Ayame know it.”
“Actually, Kureno told me this morning. He feels your breasts have grown recently. From your description he feels them often enough to know,” Hatori added drily. Akito ignored that.
“They must seem bigger since I’ve been losing weight.”
“You can’t blame the injections this time. You haven’t been eating properly.” He held up her hands. Two nails of each hand had been chewed rather than trimmed like the others. “Fingernails aren’t classed as food.”
“I want to die. That’s what the rest of you want from me. Let me get on with it.”
“Clinging to another living soul is not the action of someone who wants to die.”
“Have to, then. I have to die.”
“We all have to die.” Hatori finished examining Akito in silence. “Please take better care of yourself.”
“Your assistant, Kana, has a most lovely friend I hear.”
“Mayu and Shigure have been dating for a while now.”
“He does not speak of Mayu as a lover. He has other plans for her.” Plans involving you, Hatori. “What’s your impression?”
“I haven’t really paid attention.”
“You should. Friends will talk. If the friend cannot be trusted…”
“Yes I am dating Kana. Why not simply ask?”
“I already knew.”
Hatori stared at her. “Shigure told you?”
“He worries that you settled for the first pretty girl to flirt with you.” Akito gently touched Hatori’s cheek with the back of one hand. “Despite his faults he remains a loyal friend. Facing my fury to seek advice, all for you, how lucky is Hatori.”
“Why Kureno?” Hatori asked softly.
Akito lowered her hand. “He pleases me. Haru is too young and you are taken,” Akito sang with exaggerated regret.
“What of Shigure?” he asked carefully.
Akito’s gaze hardened. “That was never an option.”
________________________________________
Shigure’s presence in her room startled her. Where was Kureno? Shigure surprised Akito further by greeting her with a smile. “You’re being nice to Yuki.”
“I clearly haven’t been well. Perhaps I should see Hatori before retiring to bed.” Yet Akito found she could not leave.
“Why did you support his choice of high-school? You were against it and then suddenly...” The tilt of Shigure’s head and the fall of his hair distracted Akito, so dark, so handsome. His smile was gone when he looked up, so cold. Akito chose to reply accordingly.
“I came to realise five of you completed your education at a school for boys and only Hatori is sane. The name Sohma is in danger of being associated with fools. Being Ayame’s younger brother already puts Yuki at a disadvantage.”
“It isn’t to separate him from Haru?”
“Yuki could do worse than Haru.”
“You and Haru have become very friendly lately.”
“Haru sees me as kindred and comes to me for advice about his attraction to Yuki. Isuzu’s boobs cause him confusion.”
“Only Isuzu’s?” Shigure looked directly at Akito’s swaddled chest. “Are you pregnant?”
“GET OUT.”
Shigure turned a sad frown to the ceiling. “We used to be friends Akito. I miss that.”
“You miss toying with me since I’ve outgrown your games.”
“I came to congratulate your progress and somehow my compliments became insults. Don’t you miss me at all?”
Always, desperately. “The main house is silent for too long without your nonsense,” Akito conceded. “You should visit more often, as you used to.”
Shigure’s smile returned. “I brought cards,” he sang triumphantly while removing a playing deck from his sleeve. Akito knelt opposite him and they maintained friendly conversation during the first few rounds. Shigure shuffled for another hand, his tone suddenly serious. “You need friends Akito, not merely companions. We were born to love you. It’s a shame that delusion prevents us...”
“I have to be male.”
Shigure tucked the cards into his sleeve. “I have to be leaving.”
He returned to the main house a fortnight later and joined Akito for her walk through the gardens. “Yuki begins high-school tomorrow. His parents won’t attend the entrance ceremony.”
Akito refused to be part of this sigh-filled melodrama. “Let Ayame escort him.”
“They are so distant each feels they do not have a brother. Being a father figure is difficult without a mother figure by my side-oof.”
Hatori had discovered them and flicked a branch at Shigure’s back. “Stop causing difficulties for Akito. If he chooses to attend Yuki’s matriculation it won’t be with you.”
Akito forced her heart to rest as the two friends faced off. She would like to be ‘outside’ with Shigure. “How can I maintain this charade inside if I don’t practice outside?”
Two astonished faces turned to her. “So you’ll come?” Shigure asked with an awkward hitch to his voice. Akito nodded. The three resumed walking. Their silence seemed alive.
“I’ll drive, tomorrow,” Hatori said suddenly.
“I’ll tell Yuki,” Shigure said. “He can sit up front with you.”
“Or in back with you,” Hatori retorted. “Akito?” they asked together.
“I don’t care so long as he’s not beside me.”
Hatori became smug, Shigure cold. Akito regretted not insisting Yuki ride in front as Shigure begged his leave. Yuki and Kyo were going to separate schools and there were bound to be last minute dramas.
“You aren’t seriously going to attend,” Hatori said once Shigure went. “Can you handle standing idly by while high-school girls and their teachers flirt with him? They flocked to him and Yuki during orientation.”
“Heard from Kana lately?” Akito asked blandly.
“I’m trying to protect you!”
Akito lifted the hair from Hatori’s damaged eye. Haru understood how causing that injury hurt Akito. Did Hari? “I don’t want you to suffer as I do,” she said softly.
Hatori stared mournfully. “Why are you letting Yuki do this?”
Akito smiled the cruel smile she learned from Shigure. “Because he’ll fail.”
Hatori grabbed Akito’s wrist and tilted his head so hair covered his eye again. The whole one glared at her. “This war between you and Shigure…!”
“There is no war. There’s nothing between us.”
“Prove it. Don’t go tomorrow.”
Akito’s absence didn’t prove anything since she had to endure various ditties Shigure composed in praise of high-school girls. Hari apologised for his friend’s idiocy.
“It’s not your fault he’s a pervert. Ayame’s neck could do with a good wringing though.”
Hari didn’t smile. He grasped Akito firmly by the shoulders then drew her into a brotherly hug. “I’m sorry.”
So he knew Akito’s darkest secret. His compassion made her cry.
________________________________________
Haru’s confusion over Yuki and Akito’s over Shigure often led to melancholy silence when they were alone together. “Are they coming back for New Year?” Haru asked.
“An invitation has been extended in case obligation seems insufficient.”
“Do you ever go visit them?”
“If they wanted to see me they wouldn’t live so far away.”
Haru hugged Akito as he would Momiji, Hiro or Kisa. Akito tried not to cling to this gesture of affection.
________________________________________
As usual, Shigure did not follow protocol when seeking a favour from Akito. His independence was as endearing as it was infuriating. This stranded orphan girl he’d come to discuss, Tohru Honda, did Shigure truly believe she held some hope for the Sohma family or did he merely hope to sleep with her? Akito agreed to let the child stay on two conditions. Keeping the Zodiac secret was paramount.
“Kyo will attend the same school as Yuki and your Miss Honda.” Akito kept her voice level to help maintain the masculine affectation. It wasn’t getting easier over time like her elders promised.
“Tohru is not my Miss Honda.”
“Stop taking me for a fool Shigure. You know Hatori will suffer most if I feel this child is a threat. It isn’t fair of us to take him for granted.”
“Does Kureno know you have a new favourite?”
“Hari will always be favoured since he is the only Sohma with common sense.”
“And you accuse me of being heartless.”
“Perhaps your Miss Honda can prove us both wrong.”
“So far all that she’s proven is my disturbing weakness for lost and lonely little girls.”
“We should have sent Isuzu to your house instead of Kagura’s. Then poor Haru would have no-one to lust after.”
“Akito…”
“I’m not one of your lonely little girls, Shigure.”
“Not anymore perhaps, but you were the first,” he said with abundant sadness.
His sorrow caused Akito more pain than Kureno’s unexpected release from the Zodiac. She ignored the impulse to comfort Shigure and instead soothed her ills with Kureno. He never complained about being a substitute. This made Akito cry when she was alone since she found it impossible to let go of either man. Akito would have to try harder to be a man herself.
________________________________________
The high-school’s cultural festival provided an excuse to try behaving like a man outside the confines of Sohma House. Hari popped his head in during breakfast and frowned at Akito’s chest. “These new hormone supplements aren’t working. You can’t leave the main house looking like that.”
“Shigure’s not going,” Akito pointed out.
“Neither are they,” Hari pointed at her uncomfortably swaddled breasts. “We can perform the Hatsuharu booby-sensor test if you think I’m exaggerating.”
“Fine, I’m confined to my room until doctor approves. Use Yuki’s asthma as an excuse for being at the school. Bring me a photograph of this alleged civility between Rat and Cat. Take Momiji since he’s here, unless you want rabbit for dinner.”
“Kyo might form him into rice balls for you.”
Akito sighed blissfully. “I’ll tear down the Cat’s house if he does.” Hatori was staring. “Problem Hatori? Master has spoken.” Akito shooed him away. Her mood did not improve during the day. Why were her feminine body parts so determined to be noticed? Perhaps abstinence was in order. How could she control Kureno without their sexual bond?
Hatori brought details of the school cultural day and the requested photograph that afternoon. “Momiji was a pain in the arse. I’ve had less trouble with Aya.”
Akito took pity on the exhausted Dragon and let him sprawl across her carpet to rest. No-one would disturb him here. The picture of Yuki in that girl’s costume would be amusing if Akito didn’t envy him. Why could he and Ritsu, definitely male, look like girls while Akito could not? True, Yuki didn’t have boobs-wouldn’t Haru be in heaven if he did! Akito wished Shigure was here to laugh about that instead of poor, tired Hatori.
“Why does he hate me?” Akito softly asked the photo of Yuki and Kyo.
“I should think that was obvious,” Hatori replied sleepily. Akito glared at him. He closed his eyes again. “Ah, you didn’t mean Yuki. Shigure doesn’t hate you, Akito.”
“He certainly doesn’t like me,” Akito said petulantly as she handed Hatori the photo and left the room.
________________________________________
Shigure approached Akito alone to explain that Yuki and Kyo were deliberately playing truant from the traditional Sohma New Year celebration.
“You must go back to be sure they behave appropriately with your precious Tohru,” Akito said flatly.
“I’d rather be here.” He began to put his hand on Akito’s shoulder.
“Don’t touch me,” Akito commanded while swatting Shigure away. Haru came in and immediately stood between them.
“Go bother Aya before I go Black,” Haru threatened while slinging an arm across Akito’s shoulders. There was something alluringly naughty about Haru. This closeness would bother Akito if he wasn’t showing off. “Akito’s still a novice when it comes to flirting.” He smiled and began sharing some of Akito’s weakest attempts to flirt back with him, as Shigure did with Ayame. Akito had to walk away because Shigure’s increasing glee was on Akito’s behalf as well as at her expense. His amusement made him positively gorgeous
As Shigure’s House was second in authority to Akito’s it was traditional for him to sit beside her while those Sohma born of the zodiacs for the outgoing and incoming year performed their dance. Haru gloated that his friend was more entertaining than Shigure’s since Hatori danced with precision and Momiji with enthusiasm.
“Are you old enough to remember the year Kureno flew into a window and broke his wing?” Akito asked Haru. “Ayame took his place in the dance with Shigure. The feathers in Aya’s hair were enough to make the performance priceless. Several of us made a New Year wish to rearrange the zodiac so Dog and Snake followed each other every year.”
Shigure basked in Akito’s praise. “If only these traditions required Akito to dance,” he said directly into her eyes. His gaze reminded Akito of the day he picked a flower for her and kissed her cheek. Akito wanted him to do it again, now. He leaned closer while whispering so quietly Akito had to lean closer to hear. Before his breath caressed her cheek, Ayame interrupted with a noisy demand for Shigure’s assistance.
“Gure stop ignoring me! Help me force Tori back into his costume!”
Dark eyes closed briefly then rolled with regret and Akito was left alone with dangerous thoughts and the smirking Ox as Shigure went to Hatori’s aid. Haru made smooch sounds and kissy gestures until he became bored. Then he became tetchy and started picking apart the table decorations. Normally he’d have picked a fight with Kyo before the Zodiac banquet and then enjoyed the festivities whether he won or lost.
“You miss Kyo as much as Yuki,” Akito observed.
Haru frowned and shrugged. “I guess, not in the same way though.” He drooped wearily against Akito’s shoulder. “Hold me,” he whined dramatically.
“And get a Horse-kick in the face? Isuzu’s watching.”
“She’s hot for me. Not Kagura-psycho-for-Kyo hot, fortunately. I like her too but she’s like my Kureno, you know?”
“You’re bedding her?” Akito demanded angrily.
“Why, jealous?” he teased then shook his head. “Never would’ve believed you’re seriously fucking K...”
Akito’s hand made a cracking sound against Haru’s face. Others turned to look. “Never speak to me with such disrespect again!”
“Or what, you’ll make me live with Cat, Rat and Dog? It’s better than being stuck here!” Haru’s vehemence ran Akito through. Her reply was equally fervent though much quieter and stopped him going Black.
“You, of all those younger than me, are most like a brother. Don’t make me regret trusting you.”
Haru stared in surprise. “I only said that about living outside because Shigure’s house is probably like a comedy festival. If Hatori was in charge it’d suck. Brotherly hug to prove we’re good?” he asked with arms extended hopefully.
Soon after, Shigure managed to escape Aya’s one-man dramatic society and asked Akito if they could watch the sun rise together. It would cause suspicion if they were to organise a chaperone so they simply left the banquet. They walked and then sat in silence. It was nice.
“What do you wish for the New Year, Akito?” Shigure asked as the sky began to blush.
“To bring honour to my Father by fulfilling my duty,” Akito replied automatically. Her true wish was impossible and humiliating. I wish for you to be by my side instead of Kureno.
“You wish to continue pretending you’re a guy and then die?”
You say things as hurtful as Ren. Go watch the sun rise with her, hateful Dog. “What is your wish?”
“To be released from the bond.”
Akito almost choked on despair and stood as though her bottom caught fire. “The sun has risen. Go home to your unwanted children.” She did not hesitate and did not turn back. Once locked safely in her room, Akito tried beating the breasts from her chest. These female things were the crux of her troubles. That’s why he teased Akito and treated ‘him’ like a girl. It’s why Akito envied everybody, male or female, even Ritsu, even Kyo. “LIVING AWAY FROM ME ISN’T ENOUGH! YOU SEEK TO BE RID OF ME COMPLETELY!”
The attendants called for Hatori but Akito refused to let anyone in. Sleep followed copious tears.
________________________________________
Year of the Dragon became Akito’s year of torment. The stronger medication made her violent and ill. Foolish little Hiro felt the need to confess his ‘love’ for Kisa. What did those children know of love? Obviously nothing if they saw it as pleasurable privilege instead of pain. Hitting the young Tiger across the room taught them the truth and ensured everyone kept out of Akito’s way. All except Kureno, who refused to leave her side. He held Akito through screaming rages and torrents of tears. They were held together by being equally pathetic.
Letting that high-school slut live in the Dog’s house was proving a large mistake. Now everyone ran to her instead of Akito. Akito sneered while removing the breast swaddling for bed. Let them run, as fast and as far as they could go. Akito would live forever to spite and torment them.
“You’re gaining weight,” Hatori said with surprise.
“Mention pregnancy at your own risk.”
“No, no. This is good, healthy muscle mass in your limbs.” Hatori smiled.
“I feel like a Sumo.”
“Should we skip this injection?” Hatori asked after some thought.
“No. Haru starts high-school this week. I’m attending the entrance ceremony.”
Hatori looked at Akito and thought some more. He prepared the syringe in silence.
“Whose clothes are you wearing?” Shigure asked when he saw Akito at the school. “They fit very well.”
“I’m here to see Haru and Yuki, not you.”
“I saved you a seat!” Shigure called after her so Akito sat beside him. Despite her better judgement she couldn’t resist. “You don’t smile anymore,” he said sadly as the ceremony ended.
“What’s to smile about? That Rabbit’s going to ruin everything.” Akito ignored Shigure’s pivot of surprise and added “unless Kyo can knock some sense into its soufflé head. I’m going for a walk.” Shigure followed as Akito greeted Haru and insulted Momiji before she managed to slip away. In her thoughts, Akito derided the whisperers of ‘he looks so much like Prince Yuki’ and ‘he’s so handsome I’m in love’ as she passed different groups of idiotic girls. No wonder Akito’s parents chose to raise her as a boy since girls were so foolish.
Was this Tohru Honda wandering alone and straying into Akito’s path? Akito had been wasting hate and envy on this non-threatening child? Her mind was a soufflé like Momiji and she apologised like Ritsu. How did the others tolerate her? Yet Tohru seemed polite and virtuous, not at all the vixen Akito imagined. Akito became curious. Did Shigure intend for this outsider to be Akito’s friend as well? What right had he to choose her companions?
“What did you think of our Miss Honda?” Shigure asked during the drive from school, expecting the usual compliments for his foundling.
“Tohru may be the plainest girl I’ve laid eyes on, the dimmest too. She poses no threat.”
Shigure seemed disappointed more than angry, although he was certainly angry.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Akito drawled cruelly. “Did you seek permission to marry her?”
“Is it possible that you cannot like anybody?”
Akito signalled the driver to stop. “The Dog will walk from here.” Shigure did not protest or wait for the car to come to a complete stop before getting out. It was the day Akito cast him from the main house all over again. This time Akito kept her feelings to herself.
________________________________________
Hatori and Kureno worried because Akito did not talk much. “I do not care much,” she replied drily.
“You care too much for the wrong ones,” Kureno murmured. Akito hit him. Hatori did nothing but hang his head, the sensible coward.
“I hate you all.” Akito’s voice ran deep and acidic.
________________________________________
Interacting with Shigure continued the same confusing pattern as he went out of his way to either ignore Akito or get her alone, speak cruelly or tenderly, making her hate and cherish him. Did he treat everyone like this and his behaviour only tormented Akito because she craved his approval? His voice, his eyes, his touch and time should all be hers.
Akito ordered his parents to control their son. “Like a thief he sneaks into the main house to waste time with his foolishness. He forgets who I am and my position.”
“Although irrepressible, Shigure is always mindful of Master Akito, much to our dismay.” His mother’s manner made Akito uncomfortable since her expression held nothing but sympathy and respect. The father remained silent. “Like his Zodiac nature Shigure sees a fence and digs under it. Once outside he seeks only to return.”
“Your punishment is over. Reclaim your original house. Once Shigure learns to show proper respect he may come inside.”
________________________________________
He brought a paper flower, made himself particularly for Akito - so he said.
“Do you remember?” Akito asked. The real flower, you admired me, I loved you. I still love you.
“Remember what?” Shigure asked distantly.
Akito’s heart fell from her chest to disappear between the floorboards. “I have to prepare for tonight’s outside function. Why do you pick such inconvenient times to bother me then give gifts only fit for girls? Save it for your wife at home.” Akito held the origami flower on an extended palm so he would take it back. He didn’t.
“I only joke about that to tease Tohru and annoy Kyo.”
“A joke wife is all you deserve. I am master of Sohma House not some high-school girl to be flirted with. We are no longer children Shigure. If you cannot follow protocol you will be banished from all Sohma property.” Akito began to close her fingers over the flower to crush it. Shigure stopped her by cupping her hand in both of his.
“I tend to forget you’re no longer the innocent, bewildered child who enjoyed my company. Thank you for constantly reminding me. Keep this, please, as a reminder that we were once friends and playmates.”
Why did he always say such cruel things? They seemed nice, even affectionate, but his words and gifts were poisonous.
“You’re equally guilty in your treatment of him,” Kureno said as they were driven to the outside restaurant.
Akito bore this truth less comfortably than the man’s suit borrowed for the evening. The crumpled flower was wedged into a pocket. “I never know what to do when it comes to Shigure,” Akito admitted wearily and leaned against Kureno. He neither pushed her away nor put an arm around her. They’d had no sexual contact for a while now. This weaker bond was also breaking. Akito didn’t care.
He was at the restaurant, Shigure, and ignored Akito in favour of an outside woman with fairer, even shorter hair than Akito’s. So it wasn’t only long-haired brunette whores like Isuzu and Ren… Akito found it difficult to concentrate on greeting the Dog’s parents, who were actually part of this assembly. How could such polite and generous people produce such an evil son?
“Ah,” his mother said without turning to see who Akito stared at. “He says they’re here for business. Should I call him over?”
Shigure looked over his shoulder at Akito-was he smugly amused by her ill-fitting male apparel or something else-and continued on his way. “Never mind,” Akito told his mother then called Kureno to her side.
The evening wore on. Akito was the youngest person at this gathering of Sohma Elders while being the most senior. Bitterness rose. These people conspired with Ren to shape Akito’s existence into a lie. ‘He’ stood to leave. Shigure’s father sought the honour of driving Akito home, his wife also. Akito agreed. Of course the wife visited the rest room before leaving then sat in back with Akito.
“At risk of sounding like Ritsu’s parents, I aim to apologise for my son’s error this evening. We expected him to behave appropriately after your magnanimous decision.”
“He does not see his exile as punishment at all. His smutty manga supplement any restrictions on his allowance. He must make his own way outside Sohma boundaries once Yuki and Kyo finish high-school. That nitwit Ayame manages to thrive… Punishing the parents serves no purpose, as we’ve seen. Your home is secure.”
“That isn’t… oh. Thank you Master Akito.”
“Is there something else you wished to discuss?”
“Forgive us, please, especially my husband. We thought our affection for Akira could sway his decision but the only opinion your father heeded …”
Akito interrupted her. “Have you told Shigure this? Is this why he finds it more difficult than the others?”
“He may have heard us arguing with your parents soon after your birth but we never discussed it outright. We hoped Akira would live long enough to see his error and put things right before you matured. We have always been loyal to Akira and will remain loyal to Akito. Shigure as well, he would never betray you to the outside. This is all. It seems insufficient for the length of time it’s taken to say.”
“Guilt weighs heaviest on the kindest heart,” Akito said in way of absolution. Shigure read that passage to her as a child and Akito quoted it to comfort Hatori every time he modified someone’s memory. Akito was blessed with the capacity for compassion and cursed by an abundance of cruelty. Each cancelled the other out until she was nothing, just as her mother said. Only, why did so many others risk Akito’s displeasure to insist otherwise?
“I have only exhausted you further. This was not my intention.”
Akito was struck by a revelation. “Shigure’s fondness for Tohru Honda is based on her resemblance to you.”
“You find me plain and empty-headed?”
“No. There is no room in a body for sense when the heart is too big.” Akito frowned. “This doesn’t explain Ayame.”
“Nothing explains Ayame,” Shigure’s father grumbled from the driver seat.
An attendant waited in the doorway of the main house and whispered that Shigure sought private audience with Akito. Finally he followed proper channels, yet it felt like an insult. His apology for not greeting Akito at the restaurant sounded invalid. Akito knew he’d taken that outside slut to that restaurant on purpose. Publicly shunning Akito was a lesser sin than flaunting his whore.
Akito struck like a viper. “Bedded her yet?”
His rapid replies led her to verbally acknowledge the reason he lived outside. Of all women, why her? The haunting question screamed from Akito’s throat, scratching like a demon forced to leave the possessed body.
He answered simply in a moderate voice “because you went to bed with Kureno.”
Jealousy? His cold cruelty toward Akito was based on jealousy? Flattering, except she copied that pattern too well and his hot-cold behaviour began long before that. Conversations with his mother shone a different light on certain memories. Privately he treats me like a female, publicly speaks about me as male. Akito brought them together to kiss. Shigure resisted.
“You want me to deny you’re female then use it against me like this?”
Akito kissed him regardless, mouth to mouth for the first time. “Aren’t you forever using my gender against me? Always you torment me.”
His arms folded her into their warm, masculine circle. His eyes stayed on Akito’s as his hands explored her hidden shape. Even once they’d shed their clothing, he only looked at her face. Their union was energetic and assertive, almost aggressive yet when it came time to slip inside her he was unexpectedly tender. His kisses were her favourite. Everything about his body and touch was wonderful to her. Their war was at an end because she had strengthened the very weapon that gave him victory. There remained distance between them, despite the fire, and Akito remained unsure-did Shigure love or merely pity and desire her? Akito could never be with Kureno again, regardless.
He lingered so long that sleep sought Akito as he finally dressed to leave. Of course Shigure must go. Naive wards Tohru and Kyo could be realising their desire in his absence. He tenderly stroked Akito’s palm and her fingertips curled reflexively to catch his.
“How am I supposed to believe you’re a man now?” he murmured. How was Akito?
________________________________________
Momiji became the second to mysteriously leave the Zodiac. The stupid Rabbit believed his horrid mother would love and accept him now. Hatori needn’t feel guilty about erasing that selfish woman’s memories. She’d begged to forget. Akito didn’t care enough for Momiji to taunt him about it.
________________________________________
Horse-whore Isuzu had the hide to threaten Akito after stealing the box Akira gave his heir before dying.
“Shigure’s teaching me to break the Zodiac Curse. We will all run far from you. I will take Haru before you seduce him further!”
“Stupid slut, Haru would rather take it from Yuki than fall into bed with me! His divided heart transfers almost all affection to you and you betray him by conspiring with that duplicitous Dog? Dressed like a whore when not arriving in Horse form and therefore naked at Shigure’s house!” Jealousy and fury at this despicable disrespect for Hatsuharu brought Akito to the edge of humanity. Akito pushed Isuzu and watched her tumble from the second floor before dragging her by the hair to the Cat’s house, dressing her in traditional boy’s clothing and hacking off her hair. “See how they treat you now!”
Akito ordered the animal to be fed. One servant dared speak against Akito’s behaviour. “Why shouldn’t I share the joy that is my life with my cousin?” Akito asked snidely. Master’s will was obeyed without comment until Kureno set the whore free.
“How dare you subvert my authority?” Akito asked with a dead voice. Her spirit had flown and she had no energy to hunt it down.
“You can’t punish the rest of us for the way Shigure treats you.” Kureno’s reply was not as sharp as the slap Akito delivered across his face.
“WHAT OTHER SECRETS DO YOU TELL THOSE WHO SHOULD REMAIN IGNORANT?” Akito shrieked.
“None,” Kureno replied defensively.
Akito feigned apologetic humility then stabbed Kureno in the back. “Now you are truly free.” This justification didn’t convince Akito and she fled the Sohma compound, blindly running until she found herself far outside and in front of Tohru Honda. How had this girl come to be everywhere? Why was Tohru so foolishly friendly and forgiving? Hadn’t Kyo given her some backbone by now?
Akito refrained from lashing out at Tohru in memory of a much younger child who had been foolishly friendly and forgave every sin against her until a demon grew inside and began to scream. Why did this demon infest Akito and not Tohru? What made Tohru so special that every Zodiac Sohma loved her? Why did she persistently offer Akito friendship instead of derision?
Hopes of redemption crumbled and fell with the cliff beneath Tohru’s feet. No-one would believe Akito had not tried to kill Tohru but that did not stop Akito screaming for help.
Fandom: Fruits Basket (manga + anime)
Pairing: Sohma Akito/Sohma Shigure
Rating: T
Word Count part 2= 5203 Total= 14 115
Warnings: spoilers for chapters 97-132
Disclaimer: characters created by Takaya Natsuki
Chapter Summary: The fracture between Shigure and Akito causes everything to break. Establishing similar bonds of friendship with Haru and Hari but without the complications only creates further problems. Akito is in danger of losing not only those dearest to 'him' but also 'his' soul.
2 - Crumbled Foundations and Tumbling Walls
Hatori asked humiliating questions about Akito’s activities with Kureno. “You must be certain to avoid pregnancy.”
“If that was possible surely you would have said something before now.”
“I didn’t know you were sexually active before now.”
Akito snorted against Hatori’s face as he measured her blood pressure. “Shigure knew months ago and once he knows something you and Ayame know it.”
“Actually, Kureno told me this morning. He feels your breasts have grown recently. From your description he feels them often enough to know,” Hatori added drily. Akito ignored that.
“They must seem bigger since I’ve been losing weight.”
“You can’t blame the injections this time. You haven’t been eating properly.” He held up her hands. Two nails of each hand had been chewed rather than trimmed like the others. “Fingernails aren’t classed as food.”
“I want to die. That’s what the rest of you want from me. Let me get on with it.”
“Clinging to another living soul is not the action of someone who wants to die.”
“Have to, then. I have to die.”
“We all have to die.” Hatori finished examining Akito in silence. “Please take better care of yourself.”
“Your assistant, Kana, has a most lovely friend I hear.”
“Mayu and Shigure have been dating for a while now.”
“He does not speak of Mayu as a lover. He has other plans for her.” Plans involving you, Hatori. “What’s your impression?”
“I haven’t really paid attention.”
“You should. Friends will talk. If the friend cannot be trusted…”
“Yes I am dating Kana. Why not simply ask?”
“I already knew.”
Hatori stared at her. “Shigure told you?”
“He worries that you settled for the first pretty girl to flirt with you.” Akito gently touched Hatori’s cheek with the back of one hand. “Despite his faults he remains a loyal friend. Facing my fury to seek advice, all for you, how lucky is Hatori.”
“Why Kureno?” Hatori asked softly.
Akito lowered her hand. “He pleases me. Haru is too young and you are taken,” Akito sang with exaggerated regret.
“What of Shigure?” he asked carefully.
Akito’s gaze hardened. “That was never an option.”
________________________________________
Shigure’s presence in her room startled her. Where was Kureno? Shigure surprised Akito further by greeting her with a smile. “You’re being nice to Yuki.”
“I clearly haven’t been well. Perhaps I should see Hatori before retiring to bed.” Yet Akito found she could not leave.
“Why did you support his choice of high-school? You were against it and then suddenly...” The tilt of Shigure’s head and the fall of his hair distracted Akito, so dark, so handsome. His smile was gone when he looked up, so cold. Akito chose to reply accordingly.
“I came to realise five of you completed your education at a school for boys and only Hatori is sane. The name Sohma is in danger of being associated with fools. Being Ayame’s younger brother already puts Yuki at a disadvantage.”
“It isn’t to separate him from Haru?”
“Yuki could do worse than Haru.”
“You and Haru have become very friendly lately.”
“Haru sees me as kindred and comes to me for advice about his attraction to Yuki. Isuzu’s boobs cause him confusion.”
“Only Isuzu’s?” Shigure looked directly at Akito’s swaddled chest. “Are you pregnant?”
“GET OUT.”
Shigure turned a sad frown to the ceiling. “We used to be friends Akito. I miss that.”
“You miss toying with me since I’ve outgrown your games.”
“I came to congratulate your progress and somehow my compliments became insults. Don’t you miss me at all?”
Always, desperately. “The main house is silent for too long without your nonsense,” Akito conceded. “You should visit more often, as you used to.”
Shigure’s smile returned. “I brought cards,” he sang triumphantly while removing a playing deck from his sleeve. Akito knelt opposite him and they maintained friendly conversation during the first few rounds. Shigure shuffled for another hand, his tone suddenly serious. “You need friends Akito, not merely companions. We were born to love you. It’s a shame that delusion prevents us...”
“I have to be male.”
Shigure tucked the cards into his sleeve. “I have to be leaving.”
He returned to the main house a fortnight later and joined Akito for her walk through the gardens. “Yuki begins high-school tomorrow. His parents won’t attend the entrance ceremony.”
Akito refused to be part of this sigh-filled melodrama. “Let Ayame escort him.”
“They are so distant each feels they do not have a brother. Being a father figure is difficult without a mother figure by my side-oof.”
Hatori had discovered them and flicked a branch at Shigure’s back. “Stop causing difficulties for Akito. If he chooses to attend Yuki’s matriculation it won’t be with you.”
Akito forced her heart to rest as the two friends faced off. She would like to be ‘outside’ with Shigure. “How can I maintain this charade inside if I don’t practice outside?”
Two astonished faces turned to her. “So you’ll come?” Shigure asked with an awkward hitch to his voice. Akito nodded. The three resumed walking. Their silence seemed alive.
“I’ll drive, tomorrow,” Hatori said suddenly.
“I’ll tell Yuki,” Shigure said. “He can sit up front with you.”
“Or in back with you,” Hatori retorted. “Akito?” they asked together.
“I don’t care so long as he’s not beside me.”
Hatori became smug, Shigure cold. Akito regretted not insisting Yuki ride in front as Shigure begged his leave. Yuki and Kyo were going to separate schools and there were bound to be last minute dramas.
“You aren’t seriously going to attend,” Hatori said once Shigure went. “Can you handle standing idly by while high-school girls and their teachers flirt with him? They flocked to him and Yuki during orientation.”
“Heard from Kana lately?” Akito asked blandly.
“I’m trying to protect you!”
Akito lifted the hair from Hatori’s damaged eye. Haru understood how causing that injury hurt Akito. Did Hari? “I don’t want you to suffer as I do,” she said softly.
Hatori stared mournfully. “Why are you letting Yuki do this?”
Akito smiled the cruel smile she learned from Shigure. “Because he’ll fail.”
Hatori grabbed Akito’s wrist and tilted his head so hair covered his eye again. The whole one glared at her. “This war between you and Shigure…!”
“There is no war. There’s nothing between us.”
“Prove it. Don’t go tomorrow.”
Akito’s absence didn’t prove anything since she had to endure various ditties Shigure composed in praise of high-school girls. Hari apologised for his friend’s idiocy.
“It’s not your fault he’s a pervert. Ayame’s neck could do with a good wringing though.”
Hari didn’t smile. He grasped Akito firmly by the shoulders then drew her into a brotherly hug. “I’m sorry.”
So he knew Akito’s darkest secret. His compassion made her cry.
________________________________________
Haru’s confusion over Yuki and Akito’s over Shigure often led to melancholy silence when they were alone together. “Are they coming back for New Year?” Haru asked.
“An invitation has been extended in case obligation seems insufficient.”
“Do you ever go visit them?”
“If they wanted to see me they wouldn’t live so far away.”
Haru hugged Akito as he would Momiji, Hiro or Kisa. Akito tried not to cling to this gesture of affection.
________________________________________
As usual, Shigure did not follow protocol when seeking a favour from Akito. His independence was as endearing as it was infuriating. This stranded orphan girl he’d come to discuss, Tohru Honda, did Shigure truly believe she held some hope for the Sohma family or did he merely hope to sleep with her? Akito agreed to let the child stay on two conditions. Keeping the Zodiac secret was paramount.
“Kyo will attend the same school as Yuki and your Miss Honda.” Akito kept her voice level to help maintain the masculine affectation. It wasn’t getting easier over time like her elders promised.
“Tohru is not my Miss Honda.”
“Stop taking me for a fool Shigure. You know Hatori will suffer most if I feel this child is a threat. It isn’t fair of us to take him for granted.”
“Does Kureno know you have a new favourite?”
“Hari will always be favoured since he is the only Sohma with common sense.”
“And you accuse me of being heartless.”
“Perhaps your Miss Honda can prove us both wrong.”
“So far all that she’s proven is my disturbing weakness for lost and lonely little girls.”
“We should have sent Isuzu to your house instead of Kagura’s. Then poor Haru would have no-one to lust after.”
“Akito…”
“I’m not one of your lonely little girls, Shigure.”
“Not anymore perhaps, but you were the first,” he said with abundant sadness.
His sorrow caused Akito more pain than Kureno’s unexpected release from the Zodiac. She ignored the impulse to comfort Shigure and instead soothed her ills with Kureno. He never complained about being a substitute. This made Akito cry when she was alone since she found it impossible to let go of either man. Akito would have to try harder to be a man herself.
________________________________________
The high-school’s cultural festival provided an excuse to try behaving like a man outside the confines of Sohma House. Hari popped his head in during breakfast and frowned at Akito’s chest. “These new hormone supplements aren’t working. You can’t leave the main house looking like that.”
“Shigure’s not going,” Akito pointed out.
“Neither are they,” Hari pointed at her uncomfortably swaddled breasts. “We can perform the Hatsuharu booby-sensor test if you think I’m exaggerating.”
“Fine, I’m confined to my room until doctor approves. Use Yuki’s asthma as an excuse for being at the school. Bring me a photograph of this alleged civility between Rat and Cat. Take Momiji since he’s here, unless you want rabbit for dinner.”
“Kyo might form him into rice balls for you.”
Akito sighed blissfully. “I’ll tear down the Cat’s house if he does.” Hatori was staring. “Problem Hatori? Master has spoken.” Akito shooed him away. Her mood did not improve during the day. Why were her feminine body parts so determined to be noticed? Perhaps abstinence was in order. How could she control Kureno without their sexual bond?
Hatori brought details of the school cultural day and the requested photograph that afternoon. “Momiji was a pain in the arse. I’ve had less trouble with Aya.”
Akito took pity on the exhausted Dragon and let him sprawl across her carpet to rest. No-one would disturb him here. The picture of Yuki in that girl’s costume would be amusing if Akito didn’t envy him. Why could he and Ritsu, definitely male, look like girls while Akito could not? True, Yuki didn’t have boobs-wouldn’t Haru be in heaven if he did! Akito wished Shigure was here to laugh about that instead of poor, tired Hatori.
“Why does he hate me?” Akito softly asked the photo of Yuki and Kyo.
“I should think that was obvious,” Hatori replied sleepily. Akito glared at him. He closed his eyes again. “Ah, you didn’t mean Yuki. Shigure doesn’t hate you, Akito.”
“He certainly doesn’t like me,” Akito said petulantly as she handed Hatori the photo and left the room.
________________________________________
Shigure approached Akito alone to explain that Yuki and Kyo were deliberately playing truant from the traditional Sohma New Year celebration.
“You must go back to be sure they behave appropriately with your precious Tohru,” Akito said flatly.
“I’d rather be here.” He began to put his hand on Akito’s shoulder.
“Don’t touch me,” Akito commanded while swatting Shigure away. Haru came in and immediately stood between them.
“Go bother Aya before I go Black,” Haru threatened while slinging an arm across Akito’s shoulders. There was something alluringly naughty about Haru. This closeness would bother Akito if he wasn’t showing off. “Akito’s still a novice when it comes to flirting.” He smiled and began sharing some of Akito’s weakest attempts to flirt back with him, as Shigure did with Ayame. Akito had to walk away because Shigure’s increasing glee was on Akito’s behalf as well as at her expense. His amusement made him positively gorgeous
As Shigure’s House was second in authority to Akito’s it was traditional for him to sit beside her while those Sohma born of the zodiacs for the outgoing and incoming year performed their dance. Haru gloated that his friend was more entertaining than Shigure’s since Hatori danced with precision and Momiji with enthusiasm.
“Are you old enough to remember the year Kureno flew into a window and broke his wing?” Akito asked Haru. “Ayame took his place in the dance with Shigure. The feathers in Aya’s hair were enough to make the performance priceless. Several of us made a New Year wish to rearrange the zodiac so Dog and Snake followed each other every year.”
Shigure basked in Akito’s praise. “If only these traditions required Akito to dance,” he said directly into her eyes. His gaze reminded Akito of the day he picked a flower for her and kissed her cheek. Akito wanted him to do it again, now. He leaned closer while whispering so quietly Akito had to lean closer to hear. Before his breath caressed her cheek, Ayame interrupted with a noisy demand for Shigure’s assistance.
“Gure stop ignoring me! Help me force Tori back into his costume!”
Dark eyes closed briefly then rolled with regret and Akito was left alone with dangerous thoughts and the smirking Ox as Shigure went to Hatori’s aid. Haru made smooch sounds and kissy gestures until he became bored. Then he became tetchy and started picking apart the table decorations. Normally he’d have picked a fight with Kyo before the Zodiac banquet and then enjoyed the festivities whether he won or lost.
“You miss Kyo as much as Yuki,” Akito observed.
Haru frowned and shrugged. “I guess, not in the same way though.” He drooped wearily against Akito’s shoulder. “Hold me,” he whined dramatically.
“And get a Horse-kick in the face? Isuzu’s watching.”
“She’s hot for me. Not Kagura-psycho-for-Kyo hot, fortunately. I like her too but she’s like my Kureno, you know?”
“You’re bedding her?” Akito demanded angrily.
“Why, jealous?” he teased then shook his head. “Never would’ve believed you’re seriously fucking K...”
Akito’s hand made a cracking sound against Haru’s face. Others turned to look. “Never speak to me with such disrespect again!”
“Or what, you’ll make me live with Cat, Rat and Dog? It’s better than being stuck here!” Haru’s vehemence ran Akito through. Her reply was equally fervent though much quieter and stopped him going Black.
“You, of all those younger than me, are most like a brother. Don’t make me regret trusting you.”
Haru stared in surprise. “I only said that about living outside because Shigure’s house is probably like a comedy festival. If Hatori was in charge it’d suck. Brotherly hug to prove we’re good?” he asked with arms extended hopefully.
Soon after, Shigure managed to escape Aya’s one-man dramatic society and asked Akito if they could watch the sun rise together. It would cause suspicion if they were to organise a chaperone so they simply left the banquet. They walked and then sat in silence. It was nice.
“What do you wish for the New Year, Akito?” Shigure asked as the sky began to blush.
“To bring honour to my Father by fulfilling my duty,” Akito replied automatically. Her true wish was impossible and humiliating. I wish for you to be by my side instead of Kureno.
“You wish to continue pretending you’re a guy and then die?”
You say things as hurtful as Ren. Go watch the sun rise with her, hateful Dog. “What is your wish?”
“To be released from the bond.”
Akito almost choked on despair and stood as though her bottom caught fire. “The sun has risen. Go home to your unwanted children.” She did not hesitate and did not turn back. Once locked safely in her room, Akito tried beating the breasts from her chest. These female things were the crux of her troubles. That’s why he teased Akito and treated ‘him’ like a girl. It’s why Akito envied everybody, male or female, even Ritsu, even Kyo. “LIVING AWAY FROM ME ISN’T ENOUGH! YOU SEEK TO BE RID OF ME COMPLETELY!”
The attendants called for Hatori but Akito refused to let anyone in. Sleep followed copious tears.
________________________________________
Year of the Dragon became Akito’s year of torment. The stronger medication made her violent and ill. Foolish little Hiro felt the need to confess his ‘love’ for Kisa. What did those children know of love? Obviously nothing if they saw it as pleasurable privilege instead of pain. Hitting the young Tiger across the room taught them the truth and ensured everyone kept out of Akito’s way. All except Kureno, who refused to leave her side. He held Akito through screaming rages and torrents of tears. They were held together by being equally pathetic.
Letting that high-school slut live in the Dog’s house was proving a large mistake. Now everyone ran to her instead of Akito. Akito sneered while removing the breast swaddling for bed. Let them run, as fast and as far as they could go. Akito would live forever to spite and torment them.
“You’re gaining weight,” Hatori said with surprise.
“Mention pregnancy at your own risk.”
“No, no. This is good, healthy muscle mass in your limbs.” Hatori smiled.
“I feel like a Sumo.”
“Should we skip this injection?” Hatori asked after some thought.
“No. Haru starts high-school this week. I’m attending the entrance ceremony.”
Hatori looked at Akito and thought some more. He prepared the syringe in silence.
“Whose clothes are you wearing?” Shigure asked when he saw Akito at the school. “They fit very well.”
“I’m here to see Haru and Yuki, not you.”
“I saved you a seat!” Shigure called after her so Akito sat beside him. Despite her better judgement she couldn’t resist. “You don’t smile anymore,” he said sadly as the ceremony ended.
“What’s to smile about? That Rabbit’s going to ruin everything.” Akito ignored Shigure’s pivot of surprise and added “unless Kyo can knock some sense into its soufflé head. I’m going for a walk.” Shigure followed as Akito greeted Haru and insulted Momiji before she managed to slip away. In her thoughts, Akito derided the whisperers of ‘he looks so much like Prince Yuki’ and ‘he’s so handsome I’m in love’ as she passed different groups of idiotic girls. No wonder Akito’s parents chose to raise her as a boy since girls were so foolish.
Was this Tohru Honda wandering alone and straying into Akito’s path? Akito had been wasting hate and envy on this non-threatening child? Her mind was a soufflé like Momiji and she apologised like Ritsu. How did the others tolerate her? Yet Tohru seemed polite and virtuous, not at all the vixen Akito imagined. Akito became curious. Did Shigure intend for this outsider to be Akito’s friend as well? What right had he to choose her companions?
“What did you think of our Miss Honda?” Shigure asked during the drive from school, expecting the usual compliments for his foundling.
“Tohru may be the plainest girl I’ve laid eyes on, the dimmest too. She poses no threat.”
Shigure seemed disappointed more than angry, although he was certainly angry.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Akito drawled cruelly. “Did you seek permission to marry her?”
“Is it possible that you cannot like anybody?”
Akito signalled the driver to stop. “The Dog will walk from here.” Shigure did not protest or wait for the car to come to a complete stop before getting out. It was the day Akito cast him from the main house all over again. This time Akito kept her feelings to herself.
________________________________________
Hatori and Kureno worried because Akito did not talk much. “I do not care much,” she replied drily.
“You care too much for the wrong ones,” Kureno murmured. Akito hit him. Hatori did nothing but hang his head, the sensible coward.
“I hate you all.” Akito’s voice ran deep and acidic.
________________________________________
Interacting with Shigure continued the same confusing pattern as he went out of his way to either ignore Akito or get her alone, speak cruelly or tenderly, making her hate and cherish him. Did he treat everyone like this and his behaviour only tormented Akito because she craved his approval? His voice, his eyes, his touch and time should all be hers.
Akito ordered his parents to control their son. “Like a thief he sneaks into the main house to waste time with his foolishness. He forgets who I am and my position.”
“Although irrepressible, Shigure is always mindful of Master Akito, much to our dismay.” His mother’s manner made Akito uncomfortable since her expression held nothing but sympathy and respect. The father remained silent. “Like his Zodiac nature Shigure sees a fence and digs under it. Once outside he seeks only to return.”
“Your punishment is over. Reclaim your original house. Once Shigure learns to show proper respect he may come inside.”
________________________________________
He brought a paper flower, made himself particularly for Akito - so he said.
“Do you remember?” Akito asked. The real flower, you admired me, I loved you. I still love you.
“Remember what?” Shigure asked distantly.
Akito’s heart fell from her chest to disappear between the floorboards. “I have to prepare for tonight’s outside function. Why do you pick such inconvenient times to bother me then give gifts only fit for girls? Save it for your wife at home.” Akito held the origami flower on an extended palm so he would take it back. He didn’t.
“I only joke about that to tease Tohru and annoy Kyo.”
“A joke wife is all you deserve. I am master of Sohma House not some high-school girl to be flirted with. We are no longer children Shigure. If you cannot follow protocol you will be banished from all Sohma property.” Akito began to close her fingers over the flower to crush it. Shigure stopped her by cupping her hand in both of his.
“I tend to forget you’re no longer the innocent, bewildered child who enjoyed my company. Thank you for constantly reminding me. Keep this, please, as a reminder that we were once friends and playmates.”
Why did he always say such cruel things? They seemed nice, even affectionate, but his words and gifts were poisonous.
“You’re equally guilty in your treatment of him,” Kureno said as they were driven to the outside restaurant.
Akito bore this truth less comfortably than the man’s suit borrowed for the evening. The crumpled flower was wedged into a pocket. “I never know what to do when it comes to Shigure,” Akito admitted wearily and leaned against Kureno. He neither pushed her away nor put an arm around her. They’d had no sexual contact for a while now. This weaker bond was also breaking. Akito didn’t care.
He was at the restaurant, Shigure, and ignored Akito in favour of an outside woman with fairer, even shorter hair than Akito’s. So it wasn’t only long-haired brunette whores like Isuzu and Ren… Akito found it difficult to concentrate on greeting the Dog’s parents, who were actually part of this assembly. How could such polite and generous people produce such an evil son?
“Ah,” his mother said without turning to see who Akito stared at. “He says they’re here for business. Should I call him over?”
Shigure looked over his shoulder at Akito-was he smugly amused by her ill-fitting male apparel or something else-and continued on his way. “Never mind,” Akito told his mother then called Kureno to her side.
The evening wore on. Akito was the youngest person at this gathering of Sohma Elders while being the most senior. Bitterness rose. These people conspired with Ren to shape Akito’s existence into a lie. ‘He’ stood to leave. Shigure’s father sought the honour of driving Akito home, his wife also. Akito agreed. Of course the wife visited the rest room before leaving then sat in back with Akito.
“At risk of sounding like Ritsu’s parents, I aim to apologise for my son’s error this evening. We expected him to behave appropriately after your magnanimous decision.”
“He does not see his exile as punishment at all. His smutty manga supplement any restrictions on his allowance. He must make his own way outside Sohma boundaries once Yuki and Kyo finish high-school. That nitwit Ayame manages to thrive… Punishing the parents serves no purpose, as we’ve seen. Your home is secure.”
“That isn’t… oh. Thank you Master Akito.”
“Is there something else you wished to discuss?”
“Forgive us, please, especially my husband. We thought our affection for Akira could sway his decision but the only opinion your father heeded …”
Akito interrupted her. “Have you told Shigure this? Is this why he finds it more difficult than the others?”
“He may have heard us arguing with your parents soon after your birth but we never discussed it outright. We hoped Akira would live long enough to see his error and put things right before you matured. We have always been loyal to Akira and will remain loyal to Akito. Shigure as well, he would never betray you to the outside. This is all. It seems insufficient for the length of time it’s taken to say.”
“Guilt weighs heaviest on the kindest heart,” Akito said in way of absolution. Shigure read that passage to her as a child and Akito quoted it to comfort Hatori every time he modified someone’s memory. Akito was blessed with the capacity for compassion and cursed by an abundance of cruelty. Each cancelled the other out until she was nothing, just as her mother said. Only, why did so many others risk Akito’s displeasure to insist otherwise?
“I have only exhausted you further. This was not my intention.”
Akito was struck by a revelation. “Shigure’s fondness for Tohru Honda is based on her resemblance to you.”
“You find me plain and empty-headed?”
“No. There is no room in a body for sense when the heart is too big.” Akito frowned. “This doesn’t explain Ayame.”
“Nothing explains Ayame,” Shigure’s father grumbled from the driver seat.
An attendant waited in the doorway of the main house and whispered that Shigure sought private audience with Akito. Finally he followed proper channels, yet it felt like an insult. His apology for not greeting Akito at the restaurant sounded invalid. Akito knew he’d taken that outside slut to that restaurant on purpose. Publicly shunning Akito was a lesser sin than flaunting his whore.
Akito struck like a viper. “Bedded her yet?”
His rapid replies led her to verbally acknowledge the reason he lived outside. Of all women, why her? The haunting question screamed from Akito’s throat, scratching like a demon forced to leave the possessed body.
He answered simply in a moderate voice “because you went to bed with Kureno.”
Jealousy? His cold cruelty toward Akito was based on jealousy? Flattering, except she copied that pattern too well and his hot-cold behaviour began long before that. Conversations with his mother shone a different light on certain memories. Privately he treats me like a female, publicly speaks about me as male. Akito brought them together to kiss. Shigure resisted.
“You want me to deny you’re female then use it against me like this?”
Akito kissed him regardless, mouth to mouth for the first time. “Aren’t you forever using my gender against me? Always you torment me.”
His arms folded her into their warm, masculine circle. His eyes stayed on Akito’s as his hands explored her hidden shape. Even once they’d shed their clothing, he only looked at her face. Their union was energetic and assertive, almost aggressive yet when it came time to slip inside her he was unexpectedly tender. His kisses were her favourite. Everything about his body and touch was wonderful to her. Their war was at an end because she had strengthened the very weapon that gave him victory. There remained distance between them, despite the fire, and Akito remained unsure-did Shigure love or merely pity and desire her? Akito could never be with Kureno again, regardless.
He lingered so long that sleep sought Akito as he finally dressed to leave. Of course Shigure must go. Naive wards Tohru and Kyo could be realising their desire in his absence. He tenderly stroked Akito’s palm and her fingertips curled reflexively to catch his.
“How am I supposed to believe you’re a man now?” he murmured. How was Akito?
________________________________________
Momiji became the second to mysteriously leave the Zodiac. The stupid Rabbit believed his horrid mother would love and accept him now. Hatori needn’t feel guilty about erasing that selfish woman’s memories. She’d begged to forget. Akito didn’t care enough for Momiji to taunt him about it.
________________________________________
Horse-whore Isuzu had the hide to threaten Akito after stealing the box Akira gave his heir before dying.
“Shigure’s teaching me to break the Zodiac Curse. We will all run far from you. I will take Haru before you seduce him further!”
“Stupid slut, Haru would rather take it from Yuki than fall into bed with me! His divided heart transfers almost all affection to you and you betray him by conspiring with that duplicitous Dog? Dressed like a whore when not arriving in Horse form and therefore naked at Shigure’s house!” Jealousy and fury at this despicable disrespect for Hatsuharu brought Akito to the edge of humanity. Akito pushed Isuzu and watched her tumble from the second floor before dragging her by the hair to the Cat’s house, dressing her in traditional boy’s clothing and hacking off her hair. “See how they treat you now!”
Akito ordered the animal to be fed. One servant dared speak against Akito’s behaviour. “Why shouldn’t I share the joy that is my life with my cousin?” Akito asked snidely. Master’s will was obeyed without comment until Kureno set the whore free.
“How dare you subvert my authority?” Akito asked with a dead voice. Her spirit had flown and she had no energy to hunt it down.
“You can’t punish the rest of us for the way Shigure treats you.” Kureno’s reply was not as sharp as the slap Akito delivered across his face.
“WHAT OTHER SECRETS DO YOU TELL THOSE WHO SHOULD REMAIN IGNORANT?” Akito shrieked.
“None,” Kureno replied defensively.
Akito feigned apologetic humility then stabbed Kureno in the back. “Now you are truly free.” This justification didn’t convince Akito and she fled the Sohma compound, blindly running until she found herself far outside and in front of Tohru Honda. How had this girl come to be everywhere? Why was Tohru so foolishly friendly and forgiving? Hadn’t Kyo given her some backbone by now?
Akito refrained from lashing out at Tohru in memory of a much younger child who had been foolishly friendly and forgave every sin against her until a demon grew inside and began to scream. Why did this demon infest Akito and not Tohru? What made Tohru so special that every Zodiac Sohma loved her? Why did she persistently offer Akito friendship instead of derision?
Hopes of redemption crumbled and fell with the cliff beneath Tohru’s feet. No-one would believe Akito had not tried to kill Tohru but that did not stop Akito screaming for help.